How to recognize and prevent domestic violence happening in your family

All reports are telling us that one of the impacts of COVID-19 because of the population needing to stay at home is causing an increase in Domestic Violence. Firstly: If you feel unsafe or are concerned for someone’s safety please call 000 or one of the Domestic Violence Support services below.

These are exceptional circumstances and it does not excuse aggressive behavior or any type of behavior that could constitute domestic violence.

Are you working from home and feel like you’re trapped and don’t have any relief or time to yourself? You’re easily annoyed at your partner &/or kids?
Remember no-one signed up for your BS! Take accountability and go for a regular walk to get some air, exercise and if you need some space.

During these times there are many professional services you can talk to, like: Online counsellors, 24/7 phone support and even chat services. Google them and connect to a service now! If you a man, a good initial support service to approach would be men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491 and if your a women a good initial support service to approach would be 1800 Respect National Helpline: 1800 737 732

You might even have lost your job and feeling sad and lost, these feelings are normal, remember you are human. If you don’t know how you’re going to pay the bills like rent, the mortgage, school fees or food. The best thing you can do is act quickly. Sign up to a MyGov account and register for Centerlink. Talk to your rental agents, your bank and the school they will all be very supportive during these times.

Emergency relief organisations provide immediate financial and/or material support to people in financial crisis. The type of assistance offered by each organisation varies, so log onto the Department of Social Services Emergency Relief website and find the support service closest to you.

Its especially time to be kind, supportive and tolerant of each other but it is very important to recognize the signs of domestic violence.

This is what typically a cycle of Domestic Violence looks like:

Stand-over phase (intimidation)
EXPLOSION
Remorse Phase (Justification)
Pursuit Phase (Promises)
Honeymoon Phase (Behaves like the perfect partner)
Build-up Phase (Increasing tension again)

Domestic Violence is not just hitting, other categories are:

Social
- Isolating family or friends
- Jealousy, accusing of affairs
- Controlling appearance
- Needing total attention
- Smashing or removing mobile
- Monitoring phone calls, internet or messages
- Preventing social or employment opportunities
- Denigrating family or friends
PHYSICAL
- Murder
- Strangling or suffocating
- Throwing objects
- Punching, hitting, slapping
- Reckless driving
- Use of weapons
- Hair pulling, spitting
- Locked Inside or Outside
- Damage to possessions
- Cruelty to pets
- Forced substance abuse
- Withholding access to medical help
- Over or under medicate
- Trivialization of medical conditions
- Taunting someone in a vulnerable state
VERBAL
- Insults and put-downs
- Silent treatment
- Name calling
- Sarcasm
- Fault finding
- Lies
- Public Humiliation
- Threats
- Dominating conversation
- Yelling, shouting
- Whispering
- Being indiscreet
- Always correcting
STALKING
- Excessive phone calls or text messages, emails or letters
- Driving past work or house
- Reading or taking mail
- Turning up at places where victim frequents
PSYCHOLOGICAL/EMOTIONAL
- Threat to suicide
- Emotional blackmail
- Self -esteem erosion
- Criticizing appearance or body shape
- Undermining character
- scaring
- Implying mental illness
- Spreading rumors
- Private humiliation
- Denying education
- Jekyll and Hyde mood
- Minimizing or dismissing feelings
- Mind games
SEXUAL
- Rape
- Rationing or denial of sex
- Sex on their conditions
- Denying choice of contraception
- Beliefs and practices around female circumcision
- Enforcing sexual practices they are not comfortable with
- Pornography
- Sex in-front of children
- Bestiality
- Forced abortion
- Risky behavior
FINANCIAL
- Total control of finances
- Restricting earning
- Rationing or placing conditions on money
- Drinking, gambling
- Control of shopping expenditure
- Concealing assets
- Unable to buy new clothes
- Forcing to take out loans on credit cards
SPIRITUAL
- Denying choices
- Demanding you take on their beliefs
- Using beliefs to justify behavior
- Not allowing negotiation in children’s spiritual education

Let’s not forget the effects to children who are living in the home of domestic violence.

There are many effects that have been documented of emotional and behavioural problems in children exposed to domestic violence, these include:

Low Self Esteem
Poor conflict resolutions
Repressed feelings of anger, fear, guilt and confusion
Adjustment problems, fewer interests, fewer social activities
Unwillingness to invite friends home
Increased levels of anxiety
Clinginess
Adolescent boys abusing girls
Excessive cruelty to animals
Stress-related physical ailments, headaches, stomach aches, ulcers, bed-wetting
Eating problems – decreased or increased apitite
Sleeping problems including nightmares
Hair pulling, nail biting
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of being touches
Aggression, temper tantrums
Increased internalized problems, such as depression, withdrawal, isolation, loneliness
Decreased cognitive abilities
Poor school performance, difficult to do homework or study
Restlessness
Decreased empathy
Suicidal thoughts
Lower rating in social competence (especially in boys)
Inability to form stable adult relationships
Higher risks of alcohol – drug abuse and juvenile delinquency

There is every reason in the world to get yourself help and stop domestic violent behaviour, seek out help immediately. Don’t fool yourself, every negative action erodes both your partner, children, family relationships and your quality of life.