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What kids really need from their dads

What kids really need from their dads. A 7 minute sampler of a brilliant 21 minute DVD from The Fathering Project, a University project, aimed at helping fathers and father-figures (such as stepfathers, grandfathers, teachers etc) understand what it is that kids REALLY need from them.  Described by teachers, fathers and psychologists with words such as ‘awesome’, ‘brilliant’, ‘deeply moving’ and ‘should be viewed by EVERY father or father-figure’.
see www.thefatheringproject.org for details.

Cyber Bullying

“Adults use the Internet, but children ‘live’ it”
John Bertrand, Chairman of
The Alannah and Madeline Foundation.

Young people see digital technology – including the Internet, social networking services and mobile phones – as a normal part of their social life and connecting with their friends, as well as sourcing information and for education purposes.

I remember a friend who told me that the primary school where their daughter attended set up an email account for all the students – remember they are primary school aged children!  When the children received their own personal email address they (as young people do) shared passwords! Friends logged into each others email account and sent emails out to their friends saying things like “I hate you” “you are ugly” “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” etc.

How could that school think for a minute that children could handle the responsibility associated with email and understand the consequences of actions like that is beyond me? You have probably guessed that the email accounts were shut down within a week.  Ask your school if they are registering for the program, I certainly will be! If not, what measures are they taking to educate and protect children within their school from Cyber Bullying?

This News update is to let you all know that The Alannah and Madeline Foundation in conjunction with  The Victorian and Queensland State Governments are rolling out a Cyber Bullying education program called “eSmart” for schools.  The uptake of the program has been huge with over 1000 schools signing up within weeks of it being launched.

A little about The Alannah and Madelaine Foundation,  The Centre Against Bullying and eSmart.

The Alannah and Madeline Foundation is a national charity protecting children from violence and its devastating effects.

They care for children who have experienced or witnessed violence and run programs which prevent violence in the lives of children. They play an advocacy role and are a voice against childhood violence.

The National Centre Against Bullying (NCAB) is a peak body working to advise and inform the Australian community on the issue of childhood bullying and the creation of safe schools and communities, including the issue of cybersafety.

NCAB is made up of a number of experts and works closely with school communities, governments and industry. It plays an important role in speaking out for children and advocating for their right to be free from bullying and other forms of violence.

About eSmart

eSmart equips everyone in the school community with the skills and knowledge they need for smart, safe and responsible use of technology.

eSmart helps schools to embed a culture of positive technology use, create policies and procedures, gain access to evidence-informed resources and track their progress in becoming eSmart.  Follow this link to more  information for Parents on eSmart and here for more Information for Schools

“As a parent, I would know that when I enrol my child in an eSmart school, it is a school where cybersafety and bullying are dealt with effectively. The teachers will know how to deal with incidents, children will look out for each other and can safely report bullying. As a parent I would know who to go to if my child was involved in anything risky online.” Dr Judith Slocombe, CEO, The Alannah and Madeline Foundation.
For more information on what Cyber bullying might look like follow this link.

Our kids are the main event

I was never allowed to participate in parenting, If I dressed my kids they would be too cold or hot, if I prepared a meal it was too spicy, when I cleaned their room it wasn’t done correctly? Maybe she was right? But that all changed when we separated.

It became my time to engage in parenting and to perform fatherly duties without the aggravation and arguments that came from a bad marriage.  I was able to dedicate time to getting better at all the things supposedly I was doing wrong?

Today I get no criticisms from the kids around how clean the house is (it is clean), what the meals taste like and my overall parenting skills…OMG maybe I got better! I dedicated a lot of time to practicing being a good parent and learning all the skills of being a great dad.   There is a good book called “Wednesday evenings and every other weekend” it has a story around dedicating time to the task of being a good parent.

The story talks about being a responsive parent and to clear your schedule and your mind of everything except your child, I think about this in way of being 100% present when ever you are with them.  It takes practice and even then I am guilty of not achieving 100% all the time.  The book has a good analogy: The circus understands this principle.  There might be three rings, but when the star appeared there was only one center ring – the only part of the big tent that was lit.

Our kids are the main event, the top of the bill, the one you have come to see.  Have you paid for a ticket to the big top?  Absolutely! You have spent thousands to be able to spend time with your child, to say nothing of your emotional investment.  Now sit back and fully enjoy that which you have given so much to see.  This is the V.I.P performance. At this moment you are the only ticket holder. You can find this book at Amazon:  “Wednesday evenings and every other weekend”  a second hand book can cost .12 cents with only $4 shipping, definitely worth a read.

It was my opportunity to parent, I loved showing the world that I was good at it and that dads are as capable and competent as mums.  I didn’t feel like I was missing out anymore,  I loved planning our weekends and including downtime on the couch just hanging out.  I worked hard at putting all the disappointment behind me and concentrated on our main event.

We know that divorce smacks the smile of your face and we feel run over by a semi trailer – No a B double! 🙂 But finding the quickest way to get over it and finding your smile will be the best thing for you and your kids.  If you feel that you are hardly ever present when your kids are with you, it might be worthwhile seeing a physiologist to help you get to a better place so that when the kids are with you they are the main event.  I did a couple of times, it helped me sort out crap and to be more fun with my kids.  There is a good health directory for practitioners in your area if you feel it could help.

Phillip Island Penguins

Seeing the penguins come home at night is a great experience for all ages. They have child tickets for those aged 4-15, inclusive. Children under 4 can enter for free and do not require a ticket. The boardwalks offer easy pram access. As the penguins arrive at sunset, it’s an earlier night for children when it’s not daylight savings time..

Where: 1019 Ventnor Rd, Summerlands 3922
Distance by car: An easy 90 minute drive from Melbourne
Contact: 03 5951 2800
Book online: http://www.penguins.org.au
Penguin arrival times: Summer between 6.00pm and 6.30pm
Other times: Winter between 8.00pm and 8.45pm
Payment: During holidays and long weekends always book online
Kids: Always Welcome

By car
Travel along the Monash Freeway (M1) away from Melbourne and turn off at the South Gippsland Highway exit.

Continue traveling on the South Gippsland Highway (M420) and follow the signs for Phillip Island onto the Bass Highway (A420). At the Anderson roundabout, turn right onto the Phillip Island Tourist Road (B420). At San Remo, cross the bridge onto Phillip Island.

Follow the signs to reach the Penguin Parade, Koala Conservation Centre, Churchill Island Heritage Farm or the Nobbies Centre. These attractions are no more than a 10-15 minute drive from each other.

TIP: If you’re trying to locate via GPS or Google Maps, note that Phillip Island is often spelled incorrectly as Philip Island or Philips Island.

Hey dad, why is the sea salty?

Have you ever been caught out not knowing how to answer one of those tough question, like many of us, a great response has always been “good question, lets look it up on Google”.  Below are a few of those questions and answers that we found on Google 🙂

 

HOW IS ELECTRICITY MADE?
Answer – It comes from magnets! In the early 1800s, Michael Faraday discovered “electromagnetic induction”, which is the scientific way of saying that if he moved a magnet through a loop of wire, the wire would become electrified.  In 1882, Thomas Edison opened the first full-scale power plant in New York City. Edison’s electric generator was a bigger version of Faraday’s basic experiment; a big magnet rotates around a wire to produce an electric current.  Today’s power plants are bigger and controlled by computers, but the basic process is still the same as it was nearly 120 years ago.

WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?
Answer – White sunlight is really a lot of different colours of light mixed together. Some colours of light travel through air and dust better than others. Red goes a long, long way.  But blue light gets bounced around a lot. Our blue sky is blue light that has been bounced out of sunlight by gazillions of molecules of air.

WHERE DOES THE WIND COME FROM?
Answer – Wind is “AIR IN MOTION” (or Moving Air) and is made by differences in the AIR PRESSURES. Warm Air rises, pushes up … (like when you open a heated oven’s door and the heat bellows out and goes straight UP to the ceiling like helium filled balloon.) Warm Air is light in weight. While on the other hand, Cold Air is heavy in weight and keeps closer to the earth’s surface. So wind is ‘made’ when the sun heats the earth’s surface and the air near the surface become warmer and lighter.  This warm air rises and while it is rising, cold/cooler air replaces where the warm air left.  Then that cool air is eventually heated and rises, too this process is continual. This movement of air is called, you guessed it…WIND!

WHY IS THE SEA SALTY?
Answer – The sea is salty because the rivers that flow into it wash salts and other minerals out of the ground.  These dissolve in the rivers and the rivers then flow into the sea. Another source of salt is the sea bed. As the Sun evaporates the water from the sea to make clouds, it leaves the salts and minerals behind, so the sea is much saltier than rivers and lakes.  Even though it rains on the sea as on land, this isn’t enough to dilute the salt.

HOW DO PLANES FLY IN THE SKY?
Answer – It may seem unbelievable that a heavy plane can get up into the air, but it’s all down to the clever shape of its wings.  If you look at a plane close up, you’ll see that the top of each wing is curved and the bottom is flat.  As the plane moves forward powered by the engine (in the same way your parents’ car goes when they turn on the engine), air pushes up on the flat bottom of the wing harder than it pushes down on the curved top.  This is what causes it to lift up into the air and then stay there.

WHAT MAKES THUNDER?
Answer – When you see a flash of lightning in the sky, it is often followed by a crashing boom of thunder.  This is because when lightning moves through the sky, it heats up the air to thousands of degrees centigrade – that’s hotter than the surface of the Sun. The heated-up air rushes away into the cooler air surrounding it.  This moving air makes a loud bang, and that is what we call thunder.

WHY DO YOU BLINK?
Answer – The very front of your eye is made of an extremely sensitive see-through screen rather like the windscreen on your parents’ car.  It’s very important that it stays clean and moist so that you can see as well as possible. So every ten or 20 seconds, your eyelids close, spreading a thin layer of tears over your eye which washes off any bits of dust or anything else that may have got into it, like a car’s windscreen wiper with squirty screen wash.  If we didn’t blink so much, we wouldn’t be able to see properly, so it’s lucky we do!

WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?
Answer – You know chicks come from eggs and plants come from seeds? Well, humans are very special because we come from an egg and a seed.  The dad has the seed inside his body and the mum has the egg in hers, and they give each other a massive cuddle because they love each other so much, and that amazing big hug is like two pieces of a jigsaw fitting together, or two bits of Lego.  That way, the dad’s seed can meet the mum’s egg, and it makes a baby that will be born nine months later.

WHAT HAPPENS TO US WHEN WE DIE?
Answer – WHEN we die, we go back into the earth and the air and the plants, and become a part of all the world again.  Imagine a leaf unfurling bright green in the spring, and then stronger and darker in summer, then turning orange and falling to the ground in autumn.  In the winter, it melts down into the earth to give its goodness back to what will grow next spring. I think our life is like that.  But because human beings love each other, all of us live on in the memories of people we have known.

WHERE DOES WATER COME FROM?
Answer – Most scientists think the Earth’s water came from water-rich asteroids (really tiny planets) and comets raining down on the planet when it was young.  Others think the oceans were home-grown – they may have formed because the young Earth had a thick blanket of a gas called hydrogen, which reacted with chemicals in the Earth’s surface to form lakes and seas.

 

These are just some of the tough questions from children, if you have some experiences or have other answers, share them here.

Reconnecting after absence

Reconnecting after absence I found sometimes tricky, all I wanted was to pick up my daughter and start the weekend exactly where we left off (a fortnight ago) I was excited!

On occasion this was possible,  depending on what age she was at there were other factors. If it was early ages, I found sometimes that she would be quiet for a while and would not talk much other than yes/no. I had lots of practice asking non polar questions i.e. what was the best thing you did this week with your friends? or What books have you been reading lately?  and which one do you like the best?

There are reasons for quietness, things like: being tired, quiet for quiet sake, your ex has been verbally bashing you in earshot of the children (very uncool) so they feel conflicted, they need a little time to reconnect and sometimes they are confused.

It was always a non pressure time though, we just took our time and I spoke of what I’d been up to, things we might do over the weekend and it seemed to warm up.  What are your experiences?