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An important tip for parents of teenagers

Hey Dad… or Mum

Children’s books on Separation: Helping them understand and cope

Separation or divorce can be an emotionally challenging experience for both parents and children. It’s essential to provide children with age-appropriate resources to help them understand and cope with the complexities of this transition. One powerful way to do this is through children’s books. In this blog, we’ve curated a list of children’s books on separation that address various aspects of this sensitive topic.

These books not only help kids navigate their emotions but also provide valuable insights and comfort during a challenging time.

1. “Two Homes” by Claire Masurel

This beautifully illustrated book explores the idea that a child can have two loving homes after their parents’ separation. It emphasizes that while homes may be different, the love and care from both parents remain constant. “Two Homes” is an excellent choice for young children who may be struggling to understand their new living arrangements.

2. “Dinosaurs Divorce: A Guide for Changing Families” by Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown

Written and illustrated with humor and sensitivity, “Dinosaurs Divorce” takes a creative approach to explaining separation and divorce to children. Through the adventures of dinosaur characters, it addresses various aspects of the process, including the emotional ups and downs, living in two homes, and understanding the reasons behind separation.

3. “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst

Although not directly focused on separation or divorce, “The Invisible String” is a heartwarming story about the unbreakable connection between loved ones. It’s a comforting book for children who may be dealing with feelings of separation anxiety or longing for a parent who lives in a different home. The story beautifully illustrates that love knows no physical boundaries.

4. “Was It the Chocolate Pudding?: A Story for Little Kids About Divorce” by Sandra Levins and Bryan Langdo

Geared toward younger children, this book uses a relatable story about a boy who navigates the changes in his family after his parents’ divorce. “Was It the Chocolate Pudding?” introduces the concept of divorce in a simple, age-appropriate way, helping children understand that their parents’ separation is not their fault.

5. “It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear” by Vicki Lansky

In “It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear,” young Koko Bear learns about his parents’ separation and experiences a range of emotions. The book addresses common questions and feelings children may have when their parents divorce, providing gentle reassurance and guidance.

6. “Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child’s Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce” by Tamara Schmitz

This empowering book focuses on a young girl’s journey of self-discovery and self-affirmation during her parents’ separation. “Standing on My Own Two Feet” encourages children to find their inner strength and resilience as they adapt to a changing family dynamic.

7. “When My Parents Forgot How to Be Friends” by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos

This book offers a thoughtful exploration of the changes that occur when parents divorce. It addresses the emotions children may experience, such as sadness and confusion, while also emphasizing that love from both parents remains constant. The book provides reassurance and guidance for children facing this challenging transition.

8. “My Family’s Changing” by Pat Thomas

Written for slightly older children, “My Family’s Changing” explores the emotions and practical aspects of divorce, including custody arrangements and living in two homes. It encourages open communication and provides a safe space for children to express their feelings.

9. “The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce” by Richard A. Gardner

This comprehensive guide addresses divorce from a child’s perspective, covering topics such as understanding feelings, visitation, and dealing with conflicts. “The Boys and Girls Book About Divorce” is suitable for older children and preteens who may have more complex questions about the separation process.

10. “The Family Book” by Todd Parr

While not specifically about separation or divorce, “The Family Book” celebrates diversity and the various forms that families can take. It’s an inclusive book that can help children understand that there is no one-size-fits-all definition of a family. It encourages acceptance and celebrates the uniqueness of every family, even those that have experienced separation.

In summary…

Children’s books on separation play a crucial role in helping kids understand and cope with the complex emotions and changes that come with their parents’ separation or divorce. These books provide comfort, guidance, and reassurance, showing children that they are not alone in their experiences. By reading and discussing these books with your child, you can create a supportive environment where they can express their feelings and gain a better understanding of this challenging life transition. Remember that each child is unique, so choose books that align with their age, maturity, and specific needs to ensure the most effective support during this sensitive time.

What Every Teenager Wants Their Parents To Know

What every teenager wants their parents to knowDear Mum and Dad,

Please stick with me.

I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off.

But here’s what i want my you to know..

My brain is not yet fully developed

It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math test doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.

And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.

Please stick with me.

So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.

You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.

At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully.

Please stick with me……..

Here’s what you can do for me

1. Model adulting.

I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination.

2. Let me figure things out for myself.

If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.

3. Tell me about you.

I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.

4. Help me with perspective.

Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.

5. Keep me safe.

Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen when I need you.

6. Be kind.

I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please, and don’t be cruel. Humor me — I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go.

7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.

Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.

One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride.

Please stick with me. 

Thank you to Helene Wingens for her insight and research click here to see her blog.

Thank you also to Dareen Lewis of Fathering Adventures for introducing me to this information, I love the work you do!
Let’s look at our teenagers a little differently from now on and “stick with them”.