Separation Archives - Page 2 of 21

Empowering Financial Literacy: A Guide for Separated Dads

22/09/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

In the wake of separation, when emotions run high and uncertainties loom, one of the most critical aspects to address is financial stability. As a separated dad, mastering financial literacy becomes an essential skill that not only empowers you to navigate your new reality but also lays the foundation for a secure and prosperous future. Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you bolster your financial literacy and make informed decisions during this transformative phase.

1. Take Stock of Your Finances: Begin by conducting a thorough assessment of your financial situation. Create a detailed inventory of your assets, liabilities, income, and expenses. This clear snapshot will serve as a starting point for making informed financial choices.

2. Develop a Budget: Crafting a budget is a fundamental step in managing your finances effectively. Outline your monthly income and allocate funds for essential expenses like housing, utilities, food, and transportation. This will help you gain control over your spending and ensure that you live within your means.

3. Prioritize Debt Management: Address any existing debts promptly. Identify high-interest obligations and create a strategy to pay them down efficiently. Minimizing debt can alleviate financial stress and free up resources for more crucial priorities.

4. Establish an Emergency Fund: Life is unpredictable, and having an emergency fund is your safety net in times of unexpected expenses or emergencies. Aim to save three to six months’ worth of living expenses in a separate account.

5. Understand Child Support : Familiarize yourself with the legal requirements and obligations regarding child support payments. Comply with court orders and ensure these responsibilities are factored into your budget.

6. Open Separate Financial Accounts: Establish individual bank accounts, credit cards, and other financial accounts to maintain autonomy and organization in your finances.

7. Update Legal and Financial Documents: Review and update legal documents such as your will, beneficiaries, and insurance policies to reflect your new circumstances accurately.

8. Seek Professional Financial Advice: Enlist the services of a certified financial planner or advisor with experience in divorce and separation. They can provide personalized guidance on managing assets, investments, and future financial goals.
If you work for a corporation, check their EAP (Employee Assistance Program) most large organisations have one. They will have up to 6 free sessions with a financial adviser and it’s all confidential.

9. Plan for Retirement: Even during separation, it’s crucial to continue planning for your retirement. Contribute to retirement accounts if you can with salary sacrificing and maintain a long-term perspective on your financial well-being. That day will come and you’ll be glad you did!

10. Invest in Financial Literacy Education: Take advantage of workshops, seminars, and online resources to enhance your financial literacy. Understanding concepts like investing, taxes, and estate planning will empower you to make informed decisions. The Gov’t has a good website called “Money Smart”.. its a good place to start.

11. Explore Income-Generating Opportunities: Consider avenues to boost your income, such as pursuing additional education, training, or side hassles. Diversifying your income sources can provide greater financial stability.

12. Secure Adequate Insurance Coverage: Review your insurance policies, including health, life, and disability coverage. Ensure you have adequate protection for yourself and your dependents.

13. Involve Your Children: Teach your children about financial responsibility and involve them in age-appropriate discussions about budgeting, saving, and making thoughtful spending choices.

14. Embrace minimalistic and Smart Spending: As you adjust to your new financial reality, adopt a mindset of minimal. Cut unnecessary expenses, negotiate bills, and make conscious spending decisions. I hope you don’t have credit cards? If you do, cut them up. Call your bank and ask for a lower interest rate on your credit card, you’ll be surprised what you get if you ask. Then pay them off.

15. Plan for Future Goals: Set short- and long-term financial goals, whether it’s purchasing a home, funding your children’s education, or achieving a dream vacation. Developing a roadmap will help you stay focused and motivated.

Navigating the waters of financial smarts as a separated dad requires dedication, education, and a commitment to your future. By proactively managing your finances, seeking expert guidance, and making informed choices, you can build a solid financial foundation that not only supports you but also contributes to the well-being and stability of your family. Remember, every step you take towards financial empowerment brings you one step closer to a brighter and more secure future.

A great book that got my finances sorted was “The Barefoot Investor” (The only money guide you’ll ever need) and I recommend you buy it and adopt Scott Pape’s strategies.

Best Wishes
Dads Online

Filed Under: Finances, Separation

The Importance of Building a Support Network for Dads After Separation

16/09/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

In the quiet moments after his children had drifted off to sleep, Michael sat alone in his dimly lit living room, his thoughts a swirling mix of uncertainty and emotion. The path of separation had led him to uncharted territory, and he found himself grappling with the daunting prospect of navigating life as a single dad. However, Michael was not alone in his journey. He understood the immense importance of building a support network comprised of friends, family, and professional resources – a lifeline that would help him navigate the challenging waters of post-separation life.

Embracing the Power of Connection:

As the days turned into weeks following his separation, Michael discovered that one of the most significant assets he had was the relationships he had cultivated over the years. While the dynamics had shifted, the bonds he had with friends, family members, and even acquaintances became a crucial source of strength. Michael understood that reaching out was not a sign of weakness but an acknowledgment of his humanity, and he began to take deliberate steps to build a robust support network.

Social Connections:

1. Rekindling Old Connections: Michael recognized that rekindling connections from his past could offer much-needed comfort during this time of change. He reached out to old friends, inviting them for coffee or a casual catch-up. These interactions not only provided a welcome distraction from his worries but also helped him remember the person he was before the turmoil of separation.

2. Strengthening Family Bonds: Family had always been a cornerstone of Michael’s life, and he knew that their unwavering support could carry him through the toughest of times. He communicated openly with his parents and siblings, sharing his feelings and concerns. This vulnerability brought them closer together, allowing them to rally around him as a united front.

3. Creating New Circles: In his search for connection, Michael ventured into new territories. He attended local meetups, workshops, and social events that aligned with his interests. These gatherings introduced him to like-minded individuals who were also navigating the challenges of post-separation life. Shared experiences formed the basis of new friendships, offering mutual understanding and empathy.

Professional Guidance:

Beyond the realm of personal relationships, Michael recognized the invaluable role that professional resources could play in his journey. Seeking expert guidance was not a sign of defeat but a proactive step towards rebuilding his life on solid ground.

1. Therapeutic Support: Michael’s decision to engage with a councellor was transformative. The cancellor provided a safe space for him to explore his emotions, address lingering concerns, and develop coping strategies. Through therapy, Michael gained insight into his own thought patterns and learned how to manage his emotions constructively.

2. Legal Support Navigating the legal intricacies of separation required expertise that Michael did not possess. He sought out legal counsel to ensure his rights were protected and to facilitate a smooth transition for himself and his children. Having a knowledgeable advocate in his corner provided him with a sense of empowerment.

3. Parenting Workshops: Understanding that effective co-parenting was essential for his children’s well-being, Michael enrolled in parenting workshops. These sessions equipped him with tools to communicate effectively with his ex-partner, manage conflict, and prioritize his children’s needs. The knowledge gained empowered him to provide a stable and nurturing environment for his kids.

4. Financial Advisors: The financial implications of separation were complex and daunting. Michael engaged the services of a financial advisor to help him navigate budgeting, asset division, and long-term financial planning. With their guidance, he gained a clearer perspective on his financial situation and felt more confident making informed decisions.

As the weeks turned into months, Michael’s support network evolved into a lifeline that sustained him through the challenges of post-separation life. The connections he had nurtured – from the reassuring conversations with friends to the insights gained from therapy – provided him with a sense of belonging and a renewed purpose. Michael’s journey was a testament to the transformative power of building a support network, reminding him that he was not defined by his circumstances but by the strength of the connections he had forged.

In the quiet moments, as he watched his children play and saw their smiles light up the room, Michael knew that his commitment to building a support network had been instrumental in shaping their new chapter. With each interaction, each conversation, and each professional resource he tapped into, Michael was not only rebuilding his life but creating a foundation of resilience, love, and shared experience for himself and his children.

You can find some support networks to reach out to in Find A Professional on Dads Online Website

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

Tips on how to keep a tidy home

09/09/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

Keeping a clean and tidy house is important not only when the kids come over but also for your own well-being and mental health. Here are some tips for keeping a good house when the kids come over:

Declutter regularly: Get rid of things that you no longer need or use. This will make it easier to keep your house clean and organized.
Clean as you go: Rather than waiting for a mess to accumulate, clean as you go. This means wiping down surfaces, washing dishes, and picking up clutter as soon as you notice it.
Establish a routine: Create a daily, weekly, and monthly cleaning routine. This will help you stay on top of household tasks and ensure that your house is always clean and organized.
Have a designated play area: If you have kids coming over, create a designated play area for them. This will make it easier to contain any messes and keep the rest of the house clean.
Use storage solutions: Use storage solutions such as baskets, bins, and shelves to keep things organized. This will help you keep clutter at bay and make it easier to find things when you need them.
Involve the kids: If the kids are old enough, involve them in cleaning up after themselves. This will help teach them responsibility and make your job easier.
Keep cleaning supplies handy: Keep cleaning supplies such as wipes, sprays, and paper towels in easily accessible places throughout the house. This will make it easier to clean up messes as they happen.

Remember, keeping a good house doesn’t have to be a daunting task. By implementing these simple tips, you can ensure that your house is always clean and organized for when the kids come over.

Filed Under: Lifestyle, Parenting

How do you know if your marriage is over

25/08/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

The decision to end a marriage can be a difficult and complex one, and there is no single answer that applies to all situations. However, there are some signs that may indicate that your marriage is over or may be headed in that direction:

Lack of communication: When communication breaks down between spouses, it can be challenging to work through conflicts and maintain a healthy relationship. If you find that you and your partner are not talking, or if conversations frequently turn into arguments, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble.
Loss of intimacy: Intimacy is an essential part of a healthy marriage, and a lack of physical or emotional connection can indicate that the relationship is deteriorating. If you and your partner are not spending time together or if physical touch and affection have decreased significantly, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.
Constant fighting: Arguments are a normal part of any relationship, but if you and your partner are fighting frequently and are unable to resolve conflicts, it may be a sign that your marriage is in trouble. Constant bickering and disagreements can be emotionally draining and may indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed.
Lack of trust: Trust is a crucial element of any healthy relationship, and if it has been broken, it can be challenging to repair. If you or your partner have been unfaithful, or if there are ongoing trust issues that cannot be resolved, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.
Different goals and values: If you and your partner have fundamentally different goals, values, or beliefs, it can be challenging to maintain a healthy relationship. If you find that you are no longer on the same page regarding important issues like parenting, finances, or future plans, it may be a sign that your marriage is over.

Ultimately, the decision to end a marriage is a personal one that should be made with careful consideration and with the help of a therapist or counselor. If you are experiencing any of the above signs or are feeling unhappy or unfulfilled in your marriage, it may be time to seek professional help and begin the process of determining whether your marriage can be saved or if it is time to move on.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships, Separation

When is the best time to introduce your children to your new partner

18/08/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

The best time to introduce your children to your new partner can vary depending on several factors, including the age and temperament of the children, the nature and stability of the relationship, and the emotional readiness of everyone involved.

In general, it is best to wait until you have established a committed and stable relationship with your new partner before introducing them to your children. This can help to ensure that the introduction is more meaningful and has a better chance of being successful. Rushing into introducing your children to a new partner before you are confident in the stability of the relationship can be confusing and potentially damaging for your children, especially if they have already experienced a divorce or separation.

It is also important to consider the age and temperament of your children when deciding when to introduce them to your new partner. Younger children may not understand the concept of dating or may feel more threatened by the presence of a new person in their lives. Older children may be more understanding but may also have more complex emotions and require more time to adjust to the idea of a new partner.

When you do decide to introduce your children to your new partner, it is essential to do so in a way that is respectful and sensitive to everyone’s emotions. It can be helpful to prepare your children ahead of time, letting them know who your partner is, what they do, and how they met. It can also be helpful to keep the initial introduction brief and informal, such as meeting for a casual activity like a walk or a picnic. This can help to reduce the pressure and allow everyone to get to know each other in a low-key setting.

Ultimately, the decision of when to introduce your children to your new partner is a personal one that should be made with careful consideration and sensitivity to everyone involved. By taking the time to establish a strong relationship with your new partner and preparing your children for the introduction, you can help to ensure a smoother transition and a better chance of success.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Parenting, Separation

Can a relationship recover from infidelity

30/07/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

Recovering from infidelity can be challenging, but it is possible to rebuild trust and repair a relationship if both partners are committed to doing the work. Here are some steps that can help couples recover from infidelity:

Take time to process emotions: Both partners need to take time to process their emotions before moving forward. The partner who was betrayed needs time to grieve, process the pain, and come to terms with what has happened. The partner who cheated needs to take responsibility for their actions and be willing to work to regain the trust of their partner.
Seek counseling: Couples counseling can be helpful in navigating the complex emotions and issues that arise after infidelity. A trained therapist can help both partners explore their feelings, communicate more effectively, and work through the underlying issues that led to the infidelity.
Be honest and transparent: The partner who cheated needs to be honest and transparent about their actions and intentions. This can involve sharing details about the affair, answering questions, and being accountable for their actions.
Rebuild trust: Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and rebuilding it after infidelity can be challenging. The partner who cheated needs to be patient and consistent in their efforts to rebuild trust. This can involve being open and honest, following through on commitments, and being accountable for their actions.
Set clear boundaries: Clear boundaries need to be established to prevent further infidelity. This can involve setting rules around communication with the person the partner cheated with, avoiding situations that may lead to infidelity, and being transparent about whereabouts and activities.
Forgive: Forgiveness is a critical component of recovery after infidelity. It’s important to acknowledge the pain and hurt caused by the infidelity but also to be willing to let go of the anger and resentment. Forgiveness is a process that can take time, but it’s an essential step in rebuilding trust and moving forward.
You can’t punish your partner ongoing and hold a grudge and expect to have a good relationship moving forward.

It’s important to note that recovering from infidelity is not easy and requires commitment and hard work from both partners. It’s also essential to seek professional help and to be patient and compassionate with each other throughout the process. While it is possible to recover from infidelity, it’s important to remember that not all relationships can or should be saved.

Filed Under: Relationships, Separation

It’s important to prioritise your work too when going through separation and divorce

15/06/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

Going through a divorce can be an emotionally challenging time, and it can be difficult to focus on work when dealing with the stress and upheaval of a divorce. However, it is important to prioritize work and maintain a professional demeanor during this time. Here are some tips on how to prioritize work when going through a divorce:

Be honest with your employer

If you feel comfortable doing so, consider talking to your employer about your situation. Let them know that you are going through a divorce and that you may need some flexibility in your schedule or workload during this time. This can help to set expectations and avoid any misunderstandings about your availability or productivity.

Set boundaries

Set boundaries around your work and personal life. Try to keep your personal issues separate from your work, and avoid discussing your divorce with colleagues or clients. This can help to maintain a professional demeanor and avoid any potential conflicts or misunderstandings. Some people call it “compartmentalising”i.e. between 9am – 5pm you do not discuss your separation with anyone, its all about focus on doing a good job so you don’t jeopardise your employment.

Stay organized

Staying organized can help to reduce stress and improve productivity during a divorce. Use a calendar or planner to keep track of your appointments, deadlines, and other obligations, and prioritize your tasks based on their importance and urgency. This can help you stay on top of your work and avoid any unnecessary stress or anxiety.

Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is important during a divorce, and can help you stay focused and productive at work. Make time for regular exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. Consider engaging in activities that help you relax and de-stress, such as yoga, meditation, or spending time outdoors.

Seek professional support ( everyone needs it)

If you are struggling to cope with the emotional challenges of divorce, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. These professionals can provide guidance on coping strategies and emotional regulation techniques, and can help you maintain your focus and productivity at work.

Remember that going through a divorce can be a difficult and stressful time, but prioritizing work can help you maintain a sense of normalcy and stability during this time. By being honest with your employer, setting boundaries, staying organized, practicing self-care, and seeking support will all assist in helping you manage the rollercoaster you just hopped on.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships, Separation

How can I save my marriage

12/05/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

Marriage is a complex relationship that requires work and commitment from both partners. If you feel that your marriage is in trouble and want to save it, there are several steps you can take to improve the relationship.

Communication: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you and your partner are not communicating effectively, it can be challenging to resolve conflicts and move forward. Try to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and needs. Listen actively to your partner’s perspective and try to understand their point of view. Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor to improve your communication skills.
Address underlying issues: Often, marital problems are a symptom of underlying issues such as stress, depression, or substance abuse. If you or your partner are struggling with these issues, it is essential to address them as soon as possible. Consider seeking professional help to work through these issues and develop coping strategies that can improve your relationship.
Reconnect emotionally: Sometimes, couples can grow apart emotionally, leading to feelings of resentment or apathy. To save your marriage, it is essential to reconnect emotionally with your partner. Spend time together doing activities you both enjoy, communicate affection through physical touch or verbal affirmations, and make an effort to show appreciation for each other.
Seek professional help: If you and your partner are struggling to resolve conflicts or make progress, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A professional can help you identify and address the underlying issues that are causing problems in your marriage and can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild your relationship.
Prioritize your marriage: Saving a marriage requires effort and commitment from both partners. Make a conscious effort to prioritize your marriage and set aside time for each other. This may mean scheduling regular date nights, setting aside time each day to talk, or taking a vacation together to reconnect.
Be patient: Saving a marriage takes time and effort. It is essential to be patient and committed to the process, even when it feels difficult or challenging. Remember that progress may be slow and that setbacks are normal. Keep the end goal in mind and work together to achieve it.

It’s important to remember that saving a marriage is a challenging and complex process that requires effort, commitment, and patience from both partners. By prioritizing communication, addressing underlying issues, reconnecting emotionally, seeking professional help, and being patient, you can work to rebuild your relationship and strengthen your marriage. Saving a marriage is a journey, not a destination, and that the process may take time, but the rewards can be significant.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Relationships, Separation

Why some men need to be desired by other women

30/04/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

The desire to be wanted and desired by women is a common trait that can be observed in some men. Although it is not true for all men, it is an understandable phenomenon that is rooted in psychology, social norms, and personal preferences.

One possible explanation for why some men need to be desired by women is related to their self-esteem and self-worth. Men who lack self-confidence or have low self-esteem may feel better about themselves when they receive attention from women.

When a man is desired by a woman, he may feel validated and valued, which can help to boost his self-esteem. This validation can serve as a source of motivation, giving him a sense of purpose and self-worth that he may not find elsewhere.

Moreover, cultural and societal norms also play a significant role in shaping the desire of men to be wanted by women. Traditional gender roles and expectations from society dictate that men should be the initiators in a relationship, while women should be the ones who are pursued.

This can lead some men to believe that they must be desired by women to be considered masculine or successful. Men who conform to these societal expectations may feel more secure in their masculinity if they are desired by women.

In some cases, the desire to be wanted by women may be fueled by the thrill of the chase. The excitement of the chase, the thrill of pursuing a woman, and the satisfaction of winning her over can be exhilarating for some men. The pursuit can be seen as a challenge, and the man may take pride in the fact that he was able to win over the woman. This sense of accomplishment can be a powerful motivator for some men.

It is also essential to consider that the desire to be desired by women may be influenced by biological factors. Men have evolved to seek out and mate with healthy and fertile women, which may explain why some men are attracted to women who are physically attractive or who exhibit signs of good health and fertility. Therefore, it is possible that some men have an innate desire to be wanted by women, as it signals that they are attractive to potential mates.

Furthermore, the desire to be wanted by women may be linked to personal preferences and experiences. Some men may simply enjoy the attention they receive from women and feel more comfortable and at ease when they are desired. Men who have had positive experiences with women in the past may be more likely to seek out relationships where they feel desired and appreciated. Conversely, men who have had negative experiences with women, such as rejection or abandonment, may be more likely to seek out validation from women as a way to overcome these negative experiences.

While the desire to be wanted and desired by women is a natural and understandable phenomenon, it is essential to note that it can become problematic when it leads to harmful behavior. Men who feel a strong need to be desired by women may engage in manipulative or controlling behaviors, such as objectifying women or using coercive tactics to gain their attention. Such behavior can lead to negative consequences, including damaging relationships and harming the mental health of both the man and the woman involved.

In conclusion, the desire to be wanted and desired by women is a complex phenomenon that is influenced by a variety of factors, including psychological, cultural, and personal preferences. While the desire to be desired by women is not necessarily negative, it is crucial to maintain healthy relationships and behaviors that are respectful and do not cause harm. Ultimately, it is essential to recognize that both men and women have their own unique desires and preferences, and that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, and trust.

Filed Under: Relationships, Separation

What do most separated dads worry about and how best to cope

02/03/2023 By DO Leave a Comment

Separated dads may worry about a variety of things, but some common concerns include:

Losing contact with their children: Separated dads may worry that they will not have enough time with their children or that their ex-partner will restrict access to the children.
Financial concerns: Dads who are separated may worry about child support payments, legal fees, and other financial obligations.
Loneliness and isolation: Separation can be a lonely experience, and dads may worry about feeling disconnected from their friends, family, and social networks.
Co-parenting conflicts: Co-parenting after separation can be challenging, and dads may worry about conflicts with their ex-partner over parenting decisions or other issues.

To cope with these worries, separated dads can try the following strategies:

Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support group for help and emotional support.
Prioritize communication: Stay in touch with your children and make sure you communicate effectively with your ex-partner about parenting issues.
Take care of your mental and physical health: Make time for exercise, healthy eating, and other self-care activities that can help reduce stress and anxiety.
Seek professional help: Consider seeing a therapist or counselor who can provide you with guidance and support through the separation process.
Stay positive: Try to focus on the positives in your life and the things you can control, rather than dwelling on the things that are out of your control

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Filed Under: Dads Health

What is “love” defined by kids

23/02/2023 By DO 2 Comments

A survey was conducted at a primary school where children between the ages of 4-8 were asked “what is love”. The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

Such a simple question, this is what they said…

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”

– Rebecca – age 8

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”

– Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”

– Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.”

– Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”

– Terri – age 4

“Love is when my my daddy makes me breakfast every morning”

– Ian – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”

– Emily – age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”

– Bobby – age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.”

– Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikkas on this planet)

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”

– Noelle – age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”

– Tommy – age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.”

– Cindy – age 8

“My daddy loves me more than anybody.
He reads to me.”

– Clare – age 6

“Love is when my Daddy gives me the best piece of chicken.”

– Elaine-age 5

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.”

– Mary Ann – age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.”

– Lauren – age 4

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”

– Karen – age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.”

– Jessica – age 8

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These quotes were sent to GreatDad.com in an email without attribution. If this is your content, please let us know so we can post the source. Thanks.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health

Skills, Ability and Knowledge

07/02/2023 By DO 1 Comment

Not sure about other dads but I entered the world of fatherhood completely unprepared. I didn’t realise how demanding it was going to be, I think women have a better advantage. Women group together and talk about parenting, share stories and experiences far more than we ever would. So it is probably no surprise that their skills, ability and knowledge are more fine tuned when children arrive on the scene.

Us blokes stand on the sidelines and talk about footy and the MotoGP whilst we cook the BBQ. I have never been out with a group of guys discussing parenting skills. Traditionally we just left it up to our partners, I don’t think it is hard-wired into our DNA. BUT, it is a skill we can learn, for some it does not come naturally, it just needs some practice. Once we do it solo a few times “whaaala” we become experts, I think, it really is that easy to become competent …and of course you need the “want” to do it.

I remember I organized a breakfast for the “new dads” (dads of the mothers group) and their babies once a month. I booked a table of 10 in a local cafe. It was a great sight, 10 dads and their babies, everyone in the cafe were looking and saying well done boys 🙂 We had dads feeding bottles to their babies, changing nappies and nursing their new babies all while trying to eat our bacon and eggs and catch up LOL. It was a great morning but each month that past we lost half the dads, so after 3 months it ended.

There are challenges and trying times amongst dads when it comes to parenting, but we know that the outcome of trying is well worth the effort and the results are proof.

Not wanting to attend a fathers breakfast has nothing to do with commitment to fathering, they were all protective of their role as a father and would not allow anything that seriously interfered with it, they were all great guys and were all married at that time, I don’t see any of them any more. The way they felt about fathering would be exactly the way I/we feel about it today, it makes no difference whether we are married or not when it comes to our approach and commitment to fathering.

In the book Divorced Dads Survival Guide there is an article on just that topic. It talks about… Beyond working hard for their families, fathers say their role also includes teaching their kids about life, being a moral role model, and being a good model for adult relationships. Divorced fathers feel that they have important information to impart about women and relationships. If the father sought the divorce, he may feel it is necessary for his children to know that a good marital relationship is important and that divorced people don’t lack commitment in their character, but rather may not want to settle for a bad marriage. If the father was left by his former spouse, he can emphasize to his children that life has no guarantees and that to adjust to any hand dealt is a challenge that must be accepted.

Either way, the father feels his “lessons of life” are important for his children. Most parents do. Of course we should not expect our children to be interested in learning what we have to teach. Many children, in fact, will resist parental teachings in favor of learning it on their own.

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Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting, Separation