Separation Archives - Page 15 of 21

5 Ways to entertain kids at home

14/12/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

5 ways to entertain the kids at home

To keep the kids happy, there are many ways in which they can have fun at home. Entertainment at home costs nothing. It’s also a great way to encourage kids to have their friends over or if life has been hectic, some solo time may be just what is needed to recharge.

A sleep over or a play date

Having a friend for a sleep over is exciting! You can put mattresses on the floor to make it seem special or even pitch a small tent or make a cubby inside. Torches, dvds, food and make believe will make this fun entertainment. Children always play well together, so organise a play date at home and the kids will make their own. Having a couple of organised activities on hand might be a good idea too.

Baking in the kitchen

Kids are always interested in what goes on in the kitchen and love being ‘helpers’. They love to stir and add ingredients. This is an ideal form of entertainment no matter what their age. Younger ones can have a go at stirring or can decorate cakes or cupcakes once iced. Older kids can measure and add ingredients. The end baked result can then be enjoyed by all!

A craft day

Always keep a box for collecting interesting things like plastic lids from jars, wooden ice block sticks, empty toilet rolls, scraps of material even if you have to cut up an old piece of clothing, old wrapping paper, etc. This is a challenge that will make you look at everyday items very differently! Children love creating. This activity will encourage them to use their imagination. Make sure to have child friendly glue, sticky tape and coloured markers on hand. Their crafty treasures will then be displayed with pride.

Outside play

It doesn’t matter what the weather is like, kids love running around and playing outside. You could organise a scavenger hunt, where you hide items in secret places around the yard. Give them the list of items to be found and listen to their squeals of delight as they find each item. A treat can be given as a reward for the child who finds the most items on the list. Playing on a trampoline or swing set will also give them endless entertainment.

Pool party

If you are fortunate enough to have a pool, this is a great way to entertain kids of all ages. For younger ones, parents may need to stay. Children love making up their own games in the pool or your could provide a selection of floating games such as pool volleyball, dive rings or other inflatable toys. Make sure to supervise the pool antics at all times and make sure to have a good supply of food on hand. Swimming always makes kids hungry!

The goal of entertaining kids at home is to tire them out! Children have so much energy! This is all part of their growth and they will develop through play which stimulates them mentally as well as physically. Let children be children while they can. They may want to show you a performance they have choreographed themselves or you may hear them acting out childhood games.

Filed Under: Activities, Children, Kids Activities

Thirteen ideas on reducing stress

10/12/2013 By DO 1 Comment

How many times have you felt stressed lately? Stress is the body’s physical, mental, and chemical reaction to circumstances that irritate, frighten, excite, confuse, or endanger us.

Stress can come from many different directions. It can be a truck wheeling around a corner toward us, a move to a new home, loud music, divorce and separation, plus many other things such as trouble at work?

Be kind on yourself and follow these basic principles to help handle personal and business stress. Review this list from time to time and become familiar with your own personal coping strategies when stress arrives and be aware of ways to reduce stress in your own life.

1. Have fun to reduce stress.

Do things for the sheer fun of it. Each day, plan to something “just for you.” Even if you only have 30 minutes of fun time, don’t let anything stop you from your 30 minutes.

2. Laugh to reduce stress.

Interact with people who make you laugh to reduce tension and boost the immune system.

3. Learn to say “no” to reduce stress.

Too much fun can become boring and stressful in itself. When requests and invitations become a burden instead of being enjoyable, it is time to say “no.”

4. Simplify your life to reduce stress.

Move closer to your work or hire a house cleaner, or shop by internet.

5. Delegate responsibility to reduce stress.

Sharing duties allows time together and gets the job done faster.

6. Learn to relax to reduce stress.

Periodically visualize calming scenes; stretch and take deep breaths, a favourite of mine has always be guided meditation CD’s, there are plenty to download on the internet.

7. To reduce stress, don’t be a workaholic.

Find a healthy balance between work and play.

8. Break tasks into segments to reduce stress.

Break down tasks into easy-to-handle segments and problems. It is easier to eat an elephant one bite at a time.

9. Take care of your family and friends to reduce stress.

Having relationships in your life is less stressful.

10. Examine work habits to reduce stress.

If you are constantly stressed at work, examine your work habits. Maybe you are wasting time.

11. Drink water to reduce stress.

Consume 8-10 glasses of pure water daily to reduce stress.

12. Go for a walk

Exercise reduces stress, go for a long walk around the block or the park and breath, you will be amazed how much fresh air helps, make this regular even when you dont feel stressed.

13. Visit a Bunnings store

Find your nearest Bunnings, grab a sausage and a latte and walk around for an hour, choose a D.I.Y project that you can do and have fun!

There are plenty more ways of reducing stress, feel free to comment and add more…

Filed Under: Dads Health

Don’t assume they know.

06/12/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

drill down dont assume Watching Dr Phil the other day I listened to how a girl was out drinking with a group of “so called friends” boys, they all got drunk and she was gang raped.

Why did these boys take advantage of a drunken girl instead of just taking her home? There is no excuse for this. She ended up committing suicide because they distributed photos of the crime and harassed her both on social media and texting.

It got me thinking about what are we saying to both our girls and boys when it comes to behavior when out socially?

Often the words we use are simple and top line discussion instead of drilling down on exactly what behaviour is unacceptable. Simply saying, “be good” or “don’t get into any trouble” isn’t enough for a young brain to compute or to make sense of, because at that moment they are thinking – of course I will be good, dad.

Lets stop for a minute, sit them down and have a real conversation about what good behaviour looks like and specifically how to look after friends and girls?

Here are some real topics to cover off with your sons and daughters…

When you are out drinking with friends and you see a girl that is drunk or vulnerable, you be responsible and ensure she is safe and no
one touches her in an indecent way. If they do, gather your friends (for support) and say something to make it stop and take her to safety.
Call 000 if you feel someone needs more help than what you can give.
Never have sex or be intimate with a girl that is not consenting to it. If she says NO she means NO. Walk away, that is the end of that.
If you see a friend (girl) that is drinking to much, make sure she has girlfriends around who are looking out for her. If not, alert her friends.
If girls are drinking at a party and the boys out number the girls the girls should leave and go home.
If you sense trouble ahead on the street, cross the road and stay away from it.
Avoid eye contact.
Stay with your friends and don’t interact with aggressive people – walk away.
Go home before 1am and ensure the girls who are with you get home safely.
Do not take photos of people or allow your friends to take photos of people in compromising position i.e. nude photos, sexual photos
Never post a comment on social media that would hurt the feelings of another – discuss the feelings that can hurt i.e. embarrassment, unliked or feeling ashamed.
Respect other human beings and treat them how you would like to be treated yourself.
Call me anytime if you need picking up.

There are many more direct conversations to have. I would be interested in knowing what other topics you feel would be good to discuss. These topics help keep our children and others safe. If they are ever in the situation, they will draw back on the conversation and most likely act according to what was discussed.

Please like this and share to everyone for discussion.

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting, Sons

3 Animated films that your kids will love

26/11/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

kids blue ray movie

Ah, the holidays. I remember when I used to look forward to the final toll of the school year, a piercing buzz that permeated every hall, vibrating in my head as I flew out of the gates. Freedom. As my niece dives into my movie collection, and fires up my LG Blu Ray I am reminded of this youthful enthusiasm and the loss of freedom. I am beginning to understand why adults slide down on the couch to watch Toy Story for the 12^th time; the characters and in-jokes are the closest we’ll come to regaining our childhood. Sweet nostalgia. Sadly, Woody and Buzz are no longer a new deal (though they still seem to be a big deal), and there are new contenders entering an increasingly pixelated ring, re-defining the term animation. No longer cells drawn on slips of paper and flicked for fast motion, computers have rendered a new age of kidult entertainment.

Cars

Initially released in 2006, the story of Lightning McQueen has lasted the distance and beaten the field several times over, as young crowds are ever attracted to the charms and warmth of a smiling, red car. Radiator Springs is a peaceful town of community minded vehicles, going about their business and generally living life, McQueen wants to be someone else, somewhere else, representing youthful enthusiasm and the power of dreams. Striving for the Piston Cup, his ambition takes him and his mates (Mater, Sally and Doc) on an unforgettable adventure, where he experience a host of emotions and experiences that will change his core group forever. Masterfully written, the script appeals to kids and adults, loaded with humour and moral messages without saturating a good thing. And my patience.

Epic

A lesson in imagination and adventure, Epic follows the tale of a grieving teenager, as she struggles to come to grips with her Mum’s death and her Dad’s eccentricities. MK has never believed in her the hair-brained concepts of her father, preferring to believe he’s been taking too many happy pills than admitting to the likelihood of magical little people flying around on bird and insect-back, but oh wait, he’s right. Not only is MK confronted with their microscopic existence, she is literally shrunk down to their level and suddenly caught up in the ultimate adventure, a battle for life and light over darkness and death. Visually arresting, you’ll fall in love with Epic within the first five minutes. And my niece? The phrase again, again, again comes to mind.

Turbo

The usual little guy faces impossible odds formula is rejuvenated by Turbo, a garden snail saga about speed, ambition and following your dreams, even when they seem ridiculously impossible. Theo is a garden snail, tiring of a life exceedingly ordinary, ill-suited to the slow pace of his community. After a series of random events, Theo becomes a social media sensation, attracting the notice of racing hero Guy Gagné. At the end of the movie, you’ll be pondering the dynamics of family, the preciousness of friends and the unpredictability of fate, as everything unravels and comes together unexpectedly (or expectedly, as it’s a Pixar movie).

What are some of your childhood favourites? Are you a Disney purist or Pixar enthusiast? Let us know in the comments below.

Filed Under: Activities, Kids Activities, Some Fun

If you have the chance, what will you do different

03/11/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

what would you do different Australian Nurse Bonnie Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.”

1. I wish I‘d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

This insightful information from people who were about to die is hopefully a strong message to all of us. Does your road need changing? If so, don’t have unfulfilled dreams – get on it NOW.

Filed Under: Dads Health

Ways to help your child’s constipation

28/10/2013 By DO 1 Comment

Nobody likes feeling backed up; your stomach rumbles with discomfort, your clothes don’t quite fit as they should (and you have put on a kilo since yesterday!) and gas seems to punctuate social moments with embarrassing aplomb, as you rush to the toilet, convinced it might just happen this time.

So you sit for a while…Nothing. Just more discomfort. Imagine how a child feels, unable to fully communicate their frustrations, dealing with the ballooning pressure of their bowels and intestine rebelling against the introduction of negative flora or a foreign substance into a well-tended digestive garden. Recognising the symptoms of constipation is half the battle for many parents, as children can remain closed lipped about their true feelings, fearing the same mortifying conversations we work through with our doctors.

Luckily, there exists a range of methods to help your child fight the back log and get back on the path to regular motions.

Water It Down

After pin-pointing certain difficulties your child may be having (a youngster is generally considered constipated if they’ve had fewer than three bowel movements in a week), you need to get things moving again by amping up their water in-take. Swap acidic juices and creamy milks for the goodness of H20, as water is a natural solution to this sticky situation – aim for three glasses every day, four if you can, introducing a fibre rich snack as an accompaniment, such as their favourite fruit, to let the child know this is not a punishment, but a fun cure.

The Fibre War

Speaking of fibre, most of us, including adults, aren’t getting enough out of our diet. Fibres aren’t metabolised quickly like processed foods, sugars and fats, acting as an internal scrubber as it makes over our intestines and pushes those harmful bacteria’s caused by starchy foods and sugary treats down the tube, with the help of water. Instead of trying your children on the merits of bran, take the punch out of it by letting them feast on oranges and bananas. They won’t suspect a thing!

Move It, Move It Now

Surprisingly, how often things move is directly related to ah, how often we move! Pushing your kids outside for a couple of hours every day for physical play will assist them in dislodging those stubborn clogs in their digestive system – even if they’re playing a round of soccer in the street with friends until dark or you join them on a bike ride pre-dinner, a healthy life demands physical activity. If they love structured activities, why not sign them up for a team sport or a squad based sport like swimming or gymnastics?

The Case For Structure

Kids love organisation. Don’t mistake the statement to mean something else, for most will reject any notion they should be organised, but rules and guidelines? Most kids need them and meal times are no different. It’s becoming exceedingly difficult to squeeze in the demands of family life with an almost twenty four availability, especially as more workplaces expect you take work home with you, but your kids need you to set meal time boundaries. A no TV rule, coupled with permission to leave the table and a specific bedtime will build a sense of security they need to thrive.

Do you have any tips of your own to share with other dads and friends? Let us know in the comments below.

Filed Under: Children, Kids Health

What if the kids want to cut their visit short

20/10/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

If there is something upsetting your child, it helps if you have a cooperative ex spouse. They can assist you with explaining to your child that we have agreed that there is time spend with both mum and dad and it is your time with your dad now. If your ex is hostile, they will probably make the situation worse by sympathizing with your child.

Your response to your child is important when they say “I want to go back to mum house”.

I would start by asking “what is wrong” and lets talk about it and try and resolve it. If it is just because you have disciplined them for being naughty, then the conversation could be more “I understand your not happy because I told you off but going home to your mums is not the answer”.

You could say that that your mum and I have agreed that in times like these going home is not an option. If they persist, a response can be “Going home whenever we have an issue is not how we solve things, let talk about it and work it out.

Loosing your temper will not help, If you feel upset, just say we will talk about this in a little while when both of us have calmed down. If it is because your child misses their mother, then maybe a suggestion to call and say hello. It would never be ok for you to accuse your child of loving their mother more. It is not about that, they will probably be young and just simply missing the other parent.

A walk or an activity can always be a good distraction, keep busy with a bike ride or get a basketball and shoot some baskets down at the local court? You might even suggest that next time they should bring a photo of their mother so they can have it on there shelf.

You could also provide an activity for them – to make something special for their mum. Bunnings have quiet a few children’s activity classes for kids over the age of 5 and you must accompany them. It would be worth checking out your nearest store for their times and taking your child along to make something for their mum. You can see more information here

Try your best to be understanding and compassionate, nothing will get resolved if you stand firm and say you are staying here hail rain or shine. Planning in advance to have one of their friends over for a play can help or arranging to drop your child at their friends house for couple of hours can make them feel happy and that you understand their life needs to continue as normal as possible. I bet when you pick them up they will be happy that you provided the play date.

If you know people in your neighborhood with similar aged kids, it might be worthwhile in getting to know them so that you can do joint activities. There is a great group called Single Parent Active Kids they organise activities for single parents (for both mums and dads) to get together with kids and share fun activities, definitely worth checking it out, I have a post on them here: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/single-parents-active-kids

Filed Under: Activities, Children, Dads Health, Kids Activities, Kids Health, Parenting, Separation

How To Juggle Parenthood With A FIFO Mining Job

01/10/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

fifo mining jobs There’s no doubt the Fly In Fly Out lifestyle is tough on the families of mining workers. Ever since the 1980’s, Australian gas, oil and mining operation staff are required to fly out to remote locations to work ten to fourteen hour shifts for two to six weeks at a time. While the financial gains from this type of work are generous, the long term effects on individuals, couples and especially families are difficult to ignore.

It’s safe to say that workers and their families teeter precariously between two completely different worlds. However, maintaining a balance for the sake of your family, your relationship and for yourself is imperative to surviving through those challenging times. Here’s some tips for maintaining that balance with a FIFO Mining Job.

Join A Support Group

Just like Mothers group or Book reading groups, there’s one for FIFO families as well. One of the biggest is FIFO Families. This group is targeted towards the partners of FIFO workers and provides a plethora of services and support. There’s groups in every state who meet weekly at the local park, arrange school/kindy drop offs, exercise together, swap time (look after each other’s kids so you can do those things you want) and share parenting tips.

Make The Most Of Your Time Together

Parenthood is hard work and although being home together isn’t always peaches and cream, try to organise things to do as a family unit. Make it something to look forward to. It will boost family moral and take the focus off the fact that your partner will eventually have to return to work.

Keep The Lines Of Communication Open

Children will face emotional distress spending time looking forward to Mum or Dad’s return and then having to say goodbye again. This is especially hard when they may not have been separated for prolonged periods of time. Being open and honest with your children will help them to understand why Mum or Dad have to leave. Melanie Hearse from Essential Baby writes “Never say ‘Daddy is leaving again’ I say ‘Daddy is off to work’, and show them where he is on a map.”

Set Goals

Setting goals is a powerful process for thinking about your ideal future. By writing down your goals in a visible place you’ll feel an overwhelming motivation to turn your vision of this future into reality. Your goals can be varied either focusing on family, self-improvement, professional growth or relationships. For example, your goals could be that you want to take at least one hour of “me time” a week or work towards finishing a TAFE course. Or it could be that you want to deposit $50 – $100 a week into a savings account for a family holiday.

Have A Routine

Create a realistic routine that you know can easily be stuck to when your partner is home. This might be negotiating strict bed times, planning meals ahead of time or ensuring your children complete their chores.

Keep A Calendar

As simple as this sounds, utilizing a calendar will help you keep on top of upcoming events, bill payments, school holidays, appointments, birthdays and most importantly, your partners work schedule. You can also keep an online version of your calendar via Google Calendar that your partner will be able to access and add too from their work site.

Whilst the fly in fly out arrangement isn’t always ideal, staying organised and seeking support will help make the changes to your new lifestyle more manageable.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Fathering, Parenting, Work life balance

Making the most of school holidays

26/09/2013 By DO 1 Comment

Torquay Back Beach September School Holidays are a great time to get away, particularly the second week as everywhere is a little quieter. I first checked with my daughters mum that she didn’t have any existing plans. It is never a problem unless there is something already locked into her calendar. Whenever I plan a trip away I always get in early with plenty of notice. I have also locked out a long weekend in February (not my normal weekend) but because I plan ahead and have given plenty of notice it’s not a problem, I am also happy to reciprocate if requested.

These school holidays we have gone to Torquay in Victoria. Its on the west coast and known for its surfing, they hold the rip curl Easter surfing pro events at Bells Beach. I booked in advance the sea-view cabins at the Torquay foreshore caravan park. I booked online after seeing a friend’s Facebook posts that looked so good.
Torquay foreshore seaview cabins When I arrived I found there were premium positioned cabins and then the other cabins. I was allocated to the “other” cabins. Still in the same area but not absolute beach front which is what I was expecting. There was also the promise of BBQ’s provided on each cabin balcony (as per the online photos), however, there were no BBQ’s… I went to reception and queried this and they said they just took them off the balconies because of the rust and maintenance required?

They said we could use the communal BBQ’s? But there is a big difference in my mind between private and communal.

With all of this being a bit disappointing on our arrival, I chose to practice what I preach “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it” so I sucked it up and got onto having a good time – one on one with my daughter.

bike riding torquay We brought our bicycles with us and rode along the beach track and into the main township. We also went for walks, lounged around watching TV and playing iPad Scrabble. I could not believe that my daughter was triple my word score until i caught her using the “best word” button 🙂

Torquay back beach cafe Found the best cafe located right on the back beach where each day we walked to get a latte and hot chocolate Mmmm.

The weather has been wild, I thought the roof was going to blow off from the high winds . On the first night, my daughter called out in the middle of the night to tell me she was scared (I don’t blame her, it was very loud). We have enjoyed the time together just stopping for a week and spending quality time without the pressures of work and busy schedule. Would recommend it to anyone.

Filed Under: Activities, Kids Activities, Kids Activities, Melbourne

R U OK?

12/09/2013 By DO 6 Comments

R U OK? Thursday September 12th 2013 R U OK? Day, Thursday September 12th 2013 is a national day of action dedicated to inspiring all Australians to ask family, friends and colleagues, ‘Are you ok?’ By regularly reaching out to one another and having open and honest conversations, we can all help build a more connected community and reduce our country’s high suicide rate.

R U OK? Day is on the second Thursday of September (12th September 2013).

More than 2,200 Australians suicide each year and men are around 3 times more likely to die by suicide than females (ABS 2012). For each person that takes their life, another 30 people attempt to end their own life (SANE Australia).

Most people don’t openly share their feelings, particularly if they’re struggling. The best thing we can all do is regularly talk to the people we care about – regardless of whether they are at risk – because connection is good for us all.

In the time it takes to have your coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life.

Dads, who will you ask?

Filed Under: Dads Health

Men At Work

04/09/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

workingdad WHAT THEY WANT AND WHY IT MATTERS TO WOMEN

The 100% Project is a not for profit organisation that wants to see  100 percent of Australia’s leadership talent, female and male, equally contributing to our social and economic future. We exist because women are under-represented on most Boards and in the senior management teams of most Australian organisations.

We have to engage men if we are to achieve meaningful change – because men run most of the businesses and organisations where change is required and organisational culture is generally defined in male terms.

But what do men actually think about their role at work and at home?

Do they want the work-life balance more often seen as something women want? Do they feel they can take advantage of flexible working? And if they don’t, will women continue to miss out on their fair share of senior positions?

These are questions The 100% Project set out to explore in its latest research report, ‘Men at Work: What they want and why it matters for women’ published in September 2011.

Here’s what we found:
Men want to spend time and energy on their family life
75 percent of men surveyed expect to devote a significant amount of their time and energy to rearing their children.

And family is more important to them than their career
68 percent of men are willing to accept costs to other areas of their life so they can be involved in the day-to-day care of their children.

They want a rewarding career – but they won’t sacrifice everything for it
83 percent of men expect to devote significant time to building their career – but only 29 percent of men expect to make as many sacrifices as necessary to advance their career.

Men want work-life balance – and say their life as a whole is better if they get it
62 percent of men who are satisfied with their life as a whole agree that their work-life balance is right for their current situation. Only 14 percent of men who are not satisfied with their life think that their work-life balance is right.

MEN ARE NOT GETTING WHAT THEY WANT…

They work harder if their employer encourages work/family balance – even if they themselves don’t take advantage of work/life balance programs 79 percent of men who say they are engaged at work agree that their employer encourages employees to strike a balance between their work and family lives. Only 49 percent of non-engaged men agree with the same statement.

Men don’t ask for greater work-life balance, even if they have children, because they think asking will harm their career
Only 39 percent of men have asked for greater work-life balance at some time in their career. The top reasons for this include the belief that such a request would have negative effects on their career and that employers look negatively on employees who take advantage of work-life balance initiatives.

And women pay the price because men aren’t getting what they want
The women we surveyed are just as committed to their careers as men. But if men don’t feel they can request the work-life balance they want, then women will continue to carry most of the burden of maintaining a home and raising the children.

As they can’t share this burden, more women than men will continue to ask for flexible working arrangements such as part-time work.
This will perpetuate the inaccurate view that these initiatives are only for women who are not committed to their careers.

Working long hours in full time jobs with little flexibility may not be what all men want, but it gives them an advantage over many women in winning appointment to senior positions. It also contributes to the unhealthy culture of long working hours with rigid role structures in many Australian organisations.

We can see the price that women pay for this in not making it into senior leadership roles.

Giving men real opportunities for flexible working will:

• Enrich their work and family life
• Improve their job satisfaction and engagement at work
• Enhance their overall sense of well-being, and
• Help open up opportunities for women as well.

Failing this, the leadership opportunities open to Australian women will not improve, remaining significantly lower than in other developed nations – and men will continue to miss out on meaningful time with their families.

We acknowledge The 100% project for this research.
They would like to thank Partners and Sponsors who made this research possible: Principle launch partner – Australia Post, Research Partners – School of Psychology, Deacon University, Media Communication Partners – Reputation, Launch sponsors – PCW, Able and Baker, People Measures.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Work life balance

3 Assertive Ways to Get More Time with Your Kids

23/08/2013 By DO 1 Comment

3 assertive ways to get more time with your kids

As a dad, one of your biggest challenges is probably finding more time to spend with your kids.

Each day only has 24 hours and there is nothing you can do about that, which means that the only way to find more time for your kids is to redirect time you spend on other activities.

I am willing to bet that one of the highest demands on your time comes from your job, along with any auxiliary activities it entails such as preparation, commuting and so on. Well, your job also presents the best opportunity to redirect time and thus have more time to spend with your kids.

Now I realize this is easier said than done, which is why I’d like to actually show you 3 effective techniques you can use to make this happen.

All these techniques revolve around the concept of assertiveness. To be assertive means to put taking care of your needs first and to express yourself openly in your relationships with others, but from a position of respect towards others, not aggressively.

Assertiveness is something you can use in your career to effectively free up time and not let your job overwhelm your finite time resources. Here are the 3 specific ways you can do this:

1. Practice Saying “No”

You probably end up dedicating a lot more time to your work than you’d like to, because others in the workplace ask for it and you just don’t say “no”.

Your boss asks you to stay overtime repeatedly and each time you agree, even though you don’t really want to. Some of your colleagues ask you for help regularly and you end up working late in order to help them get their job done, even though you’d prefer they do it on their own. And thus, you give others big chunks of your time.

This has to change. You need to deliberately practice politely but firmly saying “no” when people at work make demands on your time. Not all the time, just some of the time, when you believe you’re entitled.

I know refusing a request involving your time may be hard for you right now. My advice is to take it gradually. Say “no” to small requests first, and progressively move up to more important requests. Also, always bear in mind that your time is important and you have the right to not give others in the workplace more of your time than your job responsibilities demand.

The more you practice saying “no” and the more you apply this mindset, the easier it gets to say “no”.

2. Try to Obtain Work-From-Home Days

If you would work from home some of the time and eliminate part of your daily commute, you would surely be able to spend a lot more time with your kids.

And doing at least some work from home is very likely possible in your job logistically speaking. All you need to do is get your employer to allow it.

Personally, I’ve coached several clients and helped them convince their employer to let them work from home 1, 2 or 3 days per week. The essential thing is to ignore any doubts you may have and actually go to your manager and ask them for this. And have a few persuasive arguments why they should approve your request.

You may feel some social awkwardness when doing this. It’s because you’re making a request of a superior that you’re not used to. Trust me: it will be fine. Ignore the awkwardness and do it.

Ideally, at first just suggest your manager to let you work one day per week at home for a couple of weeks, just as an experiment. If that goes well and your productivity stays the same or it actually improves, then you have a case for asking to make this permanent. Then perhaps to add one more work-from-home day, and then even another.

If your manager sees that you working from home doesn’t cause any problems, they value you as an employee and they know this is something important to you, you’re very likely to pull it off and end up doing part of your job from the comfort of your own home.

3. Find a Better Employer

Sometimes no matter how much you try to say “no” and you endeavor to negotiate the use of your time at work, you still can’t free up too much of it.

The dynamic of the company you work for is of such a nature that it constantly puts a high demand on your time and you have little control over this. Maybe you’re in an organization with a lot of emphasis on hard work and little respect for family life, or you have very rigid managers and colleagues; who knows?

Fortunately, if you’re a professional who has a lot to offer, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find a job in a company with better conditions and less strenuous demands on your time. You will need to be proactive though: search for jobs, send your resume and go to interviews. A better job won’t just fall in your lap. But as long as you take action diligently, results will happen.

The key idea to consider is that you deserve to have a decent amount of time to spend with your kids. Your work isn’t your entire life, it’s only a component of your life, and you have the right to put some clear boundaries on how much time you’re willing to invest in your work.

Do your job well and show commitment to it, but don’t let it absorb all your time and suck the life out of you. That’s what being assertive is all about, and that’s how you find more family time.

Guest Writer: Eduard Ezeanu coaches people who are shy and helps them become more outgoing, both in personal and professional situations. He believes that social confidence is a key factor in having a fulfilling life. You can read other articles from him on his two blogs, People Skills Decoded and Art of Confidence.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health, Parenting, Work life balance