Separation Archives - Page 13 of 21

Card Hug – a great way to keep in touch

13/04/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

It is not surprising that Australia Post won the best print advertisement at the Caxton Awards in 2007. M&C Saatchi Melbourne created the advertisement rightly named “Letter Hug”. In a previous post we spoke briefly of keeping in touch in between visits by sending a card, for the purpose of this post we should call it the “Card Hug”. The cards are simply written with loving words that ensure your children know they are top of mind even when you are not there. It can be a message saying you have arranged something special for the next time they visit, or you were remembering the last weekend and how much fun you had together.

It could be even letting them know how proud you are of them and to have a great week with their mum and you will see them soon. There are lots of message ideas and anyone from 4 – 74 enjoys receiving cards. A “card hug” sent fortnightly can be a wonderful reminder and a nice habit to get into.

Let us know if you have had experience with this?

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Fathering, Separation, Sons

Adjusting to a change in income

08/04/2015 By DO 9 Comments

We all know it’s sometimes hard to make ends meet even when we are living as a couple. It can get harder when living as a separated dad as it is more expensive living as a single. Not only are you now paying all your living expenses on your own but you most probably have additional expenses in way of child support and assistance for your children and/ or just the added expense of caring for the children whilst in your care.
Don’t go it alone if you need help! Ask around and you will be surprised how much free help and assistance there is. There are lots of places you can go to get your finances sorted but the first step is to make a budget and workout your limits.
There was a study conducted not that long ago on post-separated fathering by The Australian Institute of Family Studies which found that men appeared to be generally ‘unaware of and unprepared for separation. This can mean that men do not approach their finances as an important factor in maintaining a positive parenting environment i.e. doing a budget will help you not spend more than you earn. This is critical for your health and well-being and this is important for your children.
The Australian Government has provided some great tools and resources to assist you with information that will help you through these life events such as separation and divorce. There is a great Budget Planner that helps you think about your money and looks at what is essential and what could be cut back if necessary to get you through this period.

If you feel you need urgent help to sort out your bills and prepare a budget, you can call 1800 007 007. This free hotline is open from 9.30am – 4pm Monday to Friday. When you call the number you will automatically be transferred to the phone service in your state where a financial counsellor will help you.

Filed Under: Finances, Separation

More contact = Less grief

05/04/2015 By DO 5 Comments

Fathers who have more contact with their children suffer less grief than fathers who have little contact. I have experienced both sides of this fence, and can empathise with fathers who see their children only every second weekend or less for that matter. This causes grief through the feeling of “separation loss” of your children. The moment we leave the family home our role changes, we are forced to physically care less for our children on a day to day basis. Everything we used to do in our former family life is adjusted!

There were times I questioned if I did the right thing and may have thought I could have worked harder at trying the save the marriage? These feeling came about from going to sleep and waking every morning without my child, I found it extremely distressful even though I was happy to be out of the marriage!

There has been very little research on the well-being of fathers leaving the family home however, in 1987 some research showing that men after divorce and separation who had children were more likely to suffer levels of depression and had lower self image issues than men who were otherwise married.

In 2007 a thesis was conducted by Helen Margaret McKeering at the Queensland University of Technology, on Separated Fathers: Generativity (generative work), Grief and Mental Health. It looks to provide answers to questions about the relationship between generativity, access to children, grief and mental health amongst separated fathers.

In summary the thesis found when a father is prevented from behaving as he believes a father should, a dissonance between his behavior and his cognition’s occurs, which may result in mental health problems and low levels of well being. Fathers who consider themselves as “good fathers” may consider the father role to be that of the provider with a distant style of physiological involvement such as moral guardian. Other “good fathers” may perceive the father role to be predominately child-parent interaction with emotional involvement and hands on approach. Many father will incorporate mixtures of both dimensions in their ideal father role.

Definitions are as follows:

GENERATIVITY– Is the process of learning to care for others and an interest in establishing and guiding the next generation.

GENERATIVITY WORK – The concept of fathering, mens sustained efforts to care for and about their children.

GRIEF– Is the emotional, cognitive and somatic reaction through the perception of loss through separation or death.

The level of support is minimal offered to fathers in coping and dealing with these issues and I suggest that you actively seek out your own help as I did i.e. speak to people such as physiologists and counselors. They won’t try to persuade you to stay together or even separate, they are great listeners helping you to deal with your loss and pain and very importantly provide you with coping strategies to help work through your individual needs.

Even if you are adjusting to your new life as a separated dad, the feeling of loneliness and loss is very real. You must always remember that your children will cease having a dad only when you give up being their dad! The key word is “perseverance” would you mind if I said that again “perseverance”. You can find an interesting article in Divorced Dads – Survival Guide for a good read on this topic.

Our emotional and mental state gets a beating and I don’t believe that we ever fully recover, recover yes but fully? I would be interested in your comments.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Separation

The career advice I wish I had at 25

21/03/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

If you’re lucky, someone like; your dad, a teacher, your uncle or your mum shared their personal career experiences and insights with you when you were young. By the time we get to 50 we have gained so much valuable knowledge but it’s useless unless we share it with our kids and use it to equip them with some of our life lessons learned. I wish I had this career advice when I was 25.

1. A career is a marathon, not a sprint
Chill. When we are younger we tend to be impatient. As you get older you realise there is no real rush. Life, and the careers we pursue to fill it and pay the bills, needs to be approached on a long-term basis. If you sprint you will wear out or start to resent work that you previously enjoyed. Allow yourself time to breath and grow. Things will come if you work hard and allow yourself time to get good at things. Always rushing only leaves you empty, and tired. It is fine to give yourself permission to take some time in the slow lane with the hat people. You will find yourself seeing things on the journey that you didn’t realise were there.

2. Most success comes from repetition, not new things
I remember hairdressing legend Stefan Ackerie telling me this in 2003. I had never really thought about it before. A few years later Malcolm Gladwell’s brilliant bookOutliers was published, promoting the idea that you needed to spend 10,000 hours on something to become truly expert at it. This applied to the Beatles and their Hamburg gigs and Bill Gates who, through a series of fortuitous accidents, ended up spending more time than almost anyone else on a computer.

The lesson here is get good at things before you try to move to the next thing. Genuine expertise belongs to an elite few. They seldom have superpowers. They usually have endurance, patience and take a long-term view. They also love what they do. If your find that, don’t let it go.

3. If work was really so great all the rich people would have the jobs
It is well established that almost nobody laments on their death bed that they didn’t spend enough time at the office. This seems obvious. Yet still we let contrived circumstances and fairly trivial issues keep us from important events like school sport days and kids getting badges for picking up rubbish. I wish somebody had schooled me about these priorities at 25. I can remember every sport day and certificate presentation I missed. I can’t remember any of the reasons I missed them.

4. Deprioritise your career when your kids are young
If you have skills, commitment and passion, careers tend to take care of themselves. Over the long haul, it really doesn’t matter if you have a few years when your career is in canter mode while you prioritise young children. This should apply to men and women. I was watching some video of my kids when they were little last week and I realised, again, that the little people in that video don’t exist in that form anymore. They have grown into pride-worthy adults but the tiny people with wonder in their eyes were just passing through. If you miss that time meeting deadlines and finishing reports, you never get it back. Childhood is fleeting. When it is in its formative stages, you get one chance.

You can also miss the chance to learn. Children teach you a lot more than you teach them. They give you a second chance to see the world for the first time through their eyes. And you will be astounded what you miss in the clutter of life. Hold onto those times while you can. As the nun sang in The Sound of Music, you can’t keep a wave upon the sand. And you look kinda ridiculous trying.

5. In the workforce, always act like you are 35
A recruiter gave me this advice some years ago. It is quite inspired. What she meant was, when you are young in the workplace, don’t act as a novice. If you are smart and competent, step up and do whatever you are capable of doing in a mature way. Similarly, when you are an older worker, don’t act like it. Approach your day with youthful energy. To quote a famous Frank Sinatra song: “You’re 35 and it’s a very good year”.

6. Management is about people, not things
It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that all people are equal, behave the same every day and have a generic capacity to perform. Humans are simply not made like that. Business guru Jack Welsh says the workforce consists of 20 per cent of people who are high performers, 10 per cent that you should get rid of and 70 per cent who do okay. The problem is the 70 per cent. Most managers want everyone in the 20 per cent. We need to be careful not to believe that the 70 per cent are underperformers. Sometimes we need to celebrate the competence of the masses not the superpowers of the elite. As managers, we are not managing things, we are empowering people and making the best use of whatever it is they bring to the table.

7. Genuinely listen to others
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking we have all the answers as individuals. We don’t. As a group we are far more powerful. We need to learn to genuinely collaborate and really listen to the opinions of others. And we need to ask our own people first. So many managers and firms fall into the trap of asking external consultants for answers and then trying to implement the recommendations over the top of tried-and-true employees. In almost every case, our own people already know the answers. We need to avoid letting familiarity blind us to the talent sitting around us.

8. Never work for horrible bastards
Life is way too short to tolerate really bad bosses. If you find yourself working for one, unless you are desperate or starving, start looking for a new job. Immediately. Then sack the bad boss. By leaving.

9. Recognise that staff are people with finite emotional capacity
This is one I really wish I had known earlier. It is clear to me now that humans have a finite emotional capacity. If there is something challenging happening in their personal lives, they have limited capacity left to deal with issues at work. In nearly 100 per cent of cases I have dealt with of people suddenly under-performing at work, it has nothing to do with work. When good people have problems, managers and companies need to carry them. This should be a personal mission. If we learn to carry people when they most need it, we become a stronger community and we empower people in ways that we probably can’t imagine when we are young. A re-invigorated broken employee is a corporation’s most powerful force. They become a slightly better version of themselves without the need for a V energy drink.

10. Don’t just network with people your own age
Beware the whiz kid syndrome. Smart, young people have a habit of forming communities of other smart young people and feeding off each other’s energy. In the older world they are seen as “bright young things” that give confidence that the future is in good hands. Argghhhh. How many times have you heard that? Youth enclaves can actually be restrictive. Smart 20-somethings should make sure they network with older people too. In fact their networking should be about meeting useful mentors and career champions who can open doors and fast track careers. Similarly, older, successful people shouldn’t just sit in musty clubs talking about the 1970s. They should be proactively seeking out smart, young people who can shake them out of their comfort zone and open their eyes to new ideas.

11. Celebrate cultural differences in the workplace
One of the big mistakes we make in Australia is failing to adequately recognise the value of overseas experience and people from a variety of cultures. Diversity brings a richness to our workplaces that benefits all of us. Overseas experience is real experience. We should take every opportunity to inject new thinking into our workplaces. It is where the magic begins.

12. Take the time to understand what your business does
I love the story of President J F Kennedy’s visit to NASA during which he asked a cleaner what his job was. The cleaner replied that he sent rockets to the moon. All of us should feel part of what our organisations actually do. We should take the time to be part of the big picture and always feel connected with the true objectives of our workplace. Don’t wait for someone to tell you or lament that internal communication is crap. Find out for yourself.

13. Don’t put off working overseas
Geography is becoming less relevant. We are all citizens of the world. President Obama made the point during his University of Queensland speech that the world was becoming smaller and even the Pacific Ocean was now just a lake. If you get the chance to work overseas, and you aspire to do that, take it. There is never a right time. And we always regret the things we don’t do far more than the things we do.

14. Work in an office where you have friends
You will spend a lot of time at work. You should work with people you like. I used to be a bit sceptical about a question in employment engagement surveys asking people if they had a “best friend” at work. I realise now that work is much better if you are among friends. The happiest people are those who do things they are passionate about with people they really like. Further to that, if you find you have taken on a job you hate, ditch it quickly. Your career can survive a few well-intentioned detours and mistaken pathways.

15. Never sacrifice personal ethics for a work reason
Crucial to workplace happiness is value alignment. If you work somewhere that compromises your personal ethics and values, get out of there as quickly as you can. Good people will be unnerved by things that don’t feel right. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Bad things only manifest when good people don’t take a stand.

16. Recognise that failure is learning
As bizarre as it might sound, failing is not failure. Researchers recognise that failure is just part of a process to eliminate unsuccessful options. To misquote Woody from Toy Story, when we make a few mistakes, we are not failing, just falling – with style. Even fairy-tale princesses recognise that you need to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince. Thomas Edison articulated this best: “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” If we fear failure we tend to take a minimalist approach to our jobs and the opportunities around us. Takes some risks. Sometimes failing spectacularly is the best evidence that we are alive, human and serious about aspiring to the extraordinary. There is no value in being ordinary when you have the capacity to be remarkable.

Thank you to Shane Rogers – Queensland Editor at The Australian

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Sons

Your Dream

20/03/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

Ever thought of becoming a builder; personal trainer; becoming a better friend or father; running a marathon; or writing a book?

We all have dreams but too few of us have the faith or fortitude to see them through. Committing to realizing your dream can often be so daunting we relinquish the idea to fantasy – never living our dreams at all. They become the regrets and “what ifs?” of our lives.

Is it the thought “I might fail”, or worse “I might succeed”? Is it you feel you’ve left everything a little too late? Have you procrastinated around your dream? Have your friends, family and loved ones dismissed you and your ideas and dreams as mere fancy? Have you been bullied or manipulated into thinking other people’s opinions are correct? Or is it that you simply doubt your worth and ability? What does your heart tell you? Have you just quit?

The truth is its okay to be frightened. The truth is (from time to time) people will dismiss you and pull you down particularly if you want to stretch yourself spiritually, physically, and intellectually. The truth is its likely you do this to yourself as well. The truth is it’s your dream and no one else’s so it’s likely you will be in it alone.

More than anything ever created, any disease, any famine, or violence. More than any war or any abuse; fear has done more to damage people’s lives (and leaves in its wake mountains of despair and destruction) than any other spiritual or physical instrument imaginable.

Unfulfilled lives cause people to become lost, bitter, and barren.

So how do we win? How do we overcome negative outside forces and our own self-loathing? How do we live a life without regret?

At church, at school, through our parents (if you were blessed), in books, and at motivational meetings each of us has likely to have heard the message “we’re all capable of accomplishing incredible things”.

“Your life, your perfect life is waiting for you.” “The life you want to live, the life you dream of is available to each and every one of us right now!”

I expect the evidence around you tells a different story. Evidence of bad blood between brothers, closed hearts, unrequited love, hopeful careers fallen by the wayside, and lovers and children you don’t know how to communicate with anymore. Resentments unforgiven, a mortgage hanging around your neck, an addiction tearing at your soul, the darkest loneliness, or perhaps it’s as simple as a lie you told your boss that won’t let you sleep at night – the list is endless isn’t it?

So what is the truth? Is the good life merely an un-kept promise? A fable? Something that’s exclusively available to everyone else except you?

Fear some say, is “false evidence appearing real”. Yet if you’ve ever felt fear at any depth you’ll know it doesn’t feel false, it’s about as real as it gets.

The dictionary says fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain whether the threat is real or imagined.”

Is there more to fear than our own imaginings? I expect so, because of course there is the seen and the unseen. It is my personal belief that fear, procrastination, and dark imaginings don’t just come from within, they also come from with-out. However, fear does come in many forms, and regardless of the type it insidiously sneaks in to ruin any chance of our achieving our true selves.

I can’t promise you that overcoming fear will suddenly catapult you into a new and grand life, accelerate your sales, or get you the relationship you’ve been dreaming of, but I can promise you peace-of-mind, and perhaps a wiser heart. And for some, this alone would be an amazing life to live, yes?

The biggest problem with self-imposed fear is that it isn’t probably real, but it is a natural reaction to things we perceive as painful or challenging. The trick in overcoming this type of fear is to learn how to remain in the moment. Don’t live in the past or the future, each only exists in our imaginings. If you live in the ‘now’ your fear will be diminished because most self-ignited fear is about something that happened to us years ago, or something we fantasize might happen in the future.

Expect the worst, and the worst is likely to come. Expect the best (not second best) and something better will indeed come. I’ve written much about ‘action and courage’ over the years, two tools that will help you overcome your fears. But its action that’s key.

Success at life is a result of getting in the game. You cannot win by standing on the sidelines watching everyone else play. The fear of rejection, confrontation, loss, and humiliation all keep us from living, and help us build a large pile of regrets. Of course participation in life is not a perfect recipe, there is always the risk things will not go as planned. But that’s the game right?

A dear friend of mine wrote:

Some people spend all of their lives saying “If only”, “I could have”, and “I should have”; but then there is you and me. The ones who dare to jump into the fire, the ones who stand up for one more round with the taste of blood in our mouths.

The ones, who don’t quit, who don’t betray (ourselves or others); and in this resilience find the only reward there is. A life well lived.

Thank you to Michael Tate for this inspiring story.To learn more about Michael, click on his name and it will take you to his LinkedIn profile page.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Work life balance

How to teach your kids about cyber safety

26/11/2014 By DO Leave a Comment

Unlike when we were young, stranger danger is about a lot more than what happens in the real world. While it is important to ensure your child knows the age-old stranger danger concerns, it is equally important that they are equipped to protect themselves when on the Internet. Here’s a handy guide on teaching your children everything about cyber safety, from safe browsing habits through to suitable online security solutions like Your Digital File.

Explain Being Online

The first step is to teach children the extent of their online behaviour. Children are often more plugged in than we are; however, many are unaware that the tools that they are using are actually Internet-enabled. Your child needs to understand that they’re online when they’re browsing websites, playing games (on console, computer or mobile), social networking, instant messaging, chatting or reading blogs. It’s much easier to teach children safe online habits when they understand the scope of online behaviour.

Explain Personal Information

Most adults acknowledge that sharing personal information online is a bad idea. It can be harder to convince children though, as many don’t comprehend the difference between general information and personal information. Have a conversation with your child about personal information. Explain that any information about where they live, where they go and how to contact them is personal and shouldn’t be shared. Make a list of the information that counts as personal information (name, address, phone number, etc.) and keep this beside the computer.

It’s important that they also understand that personal information isn’t just accessed via text. Shared images can contain personal information – school logos on clothes, street signs, car registration numbers, etc. – that can be used for nefarious purposes.

Discuss the Issues

Children face a range of issues with their online behaviour – cyberbullying, reputation, identity theft, illegal content, offensive content, sexting, trolling and unwanted contact. Each issue has different circumstances, challenges and implications. Do some research to understand each of these issues yourself before sitting down to talk with your children. It is important to discuss these issues, as children are better able to protect themselves if they can recognise the risk they’re facing for what it is.

Social Security

The risks increase dramatically once older children become active on social media accounts. Whether they’re on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter or any of the smaller networks, the increased social behaviour means there are more opportunities for risk. Ensure your children understand that what they do on social media sites has repercussions in the real world. They should only post comments and images that they would not be ashamed for you or their grandparents to see. Social media should never be used to spread lies, gossip or bully another individual. Safe social media habits protect your child, their friends and their future.

These tips aren’t just about protecting your child online. They’re about helping your child developing attitudes and behaviours that enable them to protect themselves. Take the time to talk through the issues with your children as soon as you can.

Filed Under: Children, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Sons

The top 5 reasons why Men and Woman cheat

27/10/2014 By DO Leave a Comment

You see them and their smile melts you… and they’re into you, too. A few months pass and you’re in a committed relationship with “I love you’s” and great times. Then… the unthinkable: They cheat. The emotional reaction is one we know well: “How could you DO THAT!??!” However, the act — while the ultimate expression of physical betrayal— is a symptom of the real issues. What really needs to be looked at and discussed is: What were the precursors to their infidelity? What were the challenges in the relationship? What was said and unsaid, and what were the warning signs?

Does that mean there’s an excuse? Hardly. Despite recent articles and studies that suggest the existence of a cheating gene ingrained into the DNA of some people (nothing like being the victim of your own choices), there is no excuse for infidelity. There can be explanations , but there is no excuse. Ultimately, if you are unhappy in your relationship that you are looking externally to fulfill your emotional/physical needs, you need to leave… close one chapter before starting another, and allow every their dignity and honor as things end. Unfortunately, that’s not necessarily the way things go sometimes.

FLINGS AND AFFAIRS
There are two types of extramarital relationships: Flings and Affairs. Flings are the most common, most often involving opportunity, lust, and lack of self-control. Whether you are talking about a man or a woman, you can hear the excuses/justifications in your head: “Babe, I screwed up. I got drunk in Vegas with the [guys/girls] and ended up sleeping with this stripper I met at the club. It didn’t mean anything, and I promise it won’t happen again. Please forgive me.”

Okay… people aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. They make bad choices. And sometimes, opportunity can make good people do bad things. But Flings are really about no self-control, and they showcase how the cheater is willing to sacrifice their honor—and their partner’s honor—for a one-night-stand. Choosing to forgive a Fling means you need to think long and hard about it. I’m not a believer in”Once a cheater, always a cheater,” (because cheaters can choose to follow a faithful path with different partner with different relationship dynamics), but Flings are about selfishness… and that doesn’t just go away.

Affairs are different, as they aren’t fast hit-it-and-quit-it acts of misguided lust and sexual wanting. These are long-term relationships—sometimes involving sex, sometimes not—and they are trickier for someone to get over because their has been investment over time—and it’s also an emotional investment, as well. People sharing the inner-workings of their personal lives, their activities, their kids—all while dropping back from their established relationship. All-in-all, forgiveness and moving past an Affair is wrought with challenges.

Which brings us to a different kind of cheating for the web-based era: Online Affairs. There are an endless number of websites that advocate and enable real-world affairs (whose highest spending advertisers are divorce lawyers). But meeting someone online and then quickly transferring the relationship to the real world is really just a fling. Online Affairs are different. With the use of social media and community-centric websites now ingrained into our everyday lives, connecting with others in remote locations isn’t just the activity of a small subculture. Bottom line: Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity. The reason? The entire “connection” between the two parties is emotional.

BUT WHY DO THEY CHEAT?

In surveying 1,000 men and women (483 men, 543 women), two things became clear: 1) Women cheat just as much as men (dispelling the myth that men cheat more); and 2) The reasons the genders cheat are very different. 86% of the women polled reported that they cheat mostly for emotional reasons, stating the following top reasons for pursuing an extramarital affair:

Lack of emotional intimacy
Marital or relationship unhappiness
Reaffirm her desirability
To re-experience feelings of romance
Loneliness

Of the men polled, 82% openly admitted to cheating largely for physical or sexual gratification with no emotional tie. Rounding out the top reasons men cheat included:

Just want to have sex or sexual variety
Presented with an opportunity to have sex, without getting immediately caught
Satisfy sexual curiosity about having sex with a particular person
The “thrill of the chase”
The desire to feel important or special (an ego boost)

However, in delving further into the mens’ reasons, I discovered that many of the men felt that they were “unable to get out of their relationship” prior to their infidelity, which translated into the simple fact that they lacked the skills/respect to maturely discuss their unhappiness with their significant other. In short, they acknowledged that they were unhappy and looking for a way out, but they couldn’t bring themselves to pull the trigger on the relationship. If they cheated and got caught (most long-term cheaters do end up getting caught), they were able to quickly turn the tables, telling their spouse how it was THEIR fault they cheated because [insert reason here: not enough sex, boredom, etc.].

This lends credibility to thousands of discussions interactions I’ve led on my Facebook page— cheating is a symptom of an already failing/failed relationship. Communication has broken down and a disconnect already exists. The cheater is looking outside of the relationship to have their emotional/physical needs met because they are [usually] already mentally checked-out.

FINAL THOUGHTS
Monogamy and exclusive relationships aren’t for everyone. But, if you’ve made promises, stick to them, or have the common courtesy to close one chapter before starting another. That way, everyone can keep their honor and integrity… and move on.

“Original article on charlesjorlando.com. Reposted with permission.” http://www.theproblemismen.com/rants/whytheycheated

Filed Under: Dads Health, News, Separation

Aussie parents increasingly helping their children with home loans

10/09/2014 By DO Leave a Comment

Today it’s becoming far more common for parents in Australia to help their adult children buy their first home. Many young couples are turning to this option since breaking into the market is more difficult than it was in the past. There are actually several ways that parents are assisting their kids make this major step, and they are each becoming more common in Australian society.

Housing prices are increasing, as are parent loans:

Housing prices arerising at a rate of around 10% each year and many first-time buyers are feeling the pinch. This increase in prices is consequently making it difficult for young couples to purchase their homes or even make a down-payment. The result? In the past few years, 1 out of 3 first go-around homebuyers received an initial deposit from their parents! This trend is one that appears to be growing throughout Australia. Altogether, Aussie parents are contributing over $100 million annually to help their adult children establish themselves as homeowners.

While one-third of young adults will receive their shove from the nest in the form of a deposit, four-fifths are receiving some sort of financial support with the purchase of their first property. This assistance comes in the form of a home-loan, a loan guarantor or a deposit. Services like 1300 Home Loan are showing an increase by young couples in searches for mortgage brokers and home loan comparisons that refer to parents as guarantors. According to news.com.au, an incredible 80% of first-time home buyers are actually given some sort of financial assistance from mum and dad!

Lending and Giving:

One of the options a parent has is to buy a home for their children in their own name, and entrust it to them later. This way, they maintain control over the property. Eventually, ownership of the property will transfer to their adult children. However, prior to that point in time their son or daughter can live in the property. This strategy helps to protect your investment against potential divorce. At the point of transfer, the capital gains tax is applied.

Parents can also lend or give their children money to help with the purchase of a home. This amount might pay for down payment or be enough to cover the entire property cost. Parents do this at a risk – if the son or daughter’s marriage ends in divorce, some of the family’s estate could be lost.

Another popular option is for parents to treat the payment for the purchase as a loan. This option can help avoid the loss of the expenditure should the marriage be terminated for any reason. For a loan of this nature, it is of utmost importance to make sure necessary paperwork is complete. It may help if the parents maintain some sort of responsibility for the home, say in the form of a mortgage agreement.

It’s important to note that your superannuation is a retirement benefit available when you reach age 65. It may also be available when you meet other conditions. However, it is not for a property purchase for your children.

With the increase in real estate prices, there are many ways that Aussie parents are helping their grown kids get ahead. If this is something you’re considering for your own kids, take the time to look at your options, check out the restrictions, tax considerations, and advantages, and speak to the experts.

Filed Under: Finances

I’ve never met a child who doesn’t wish they could fly

07/09/2014 By DO Leave a Comment

And now they can! I had the pleasure of visiting iFly DownUnder in Penrith, NSW last week and wow! What an experience!

Whether it is for Father’s Day, Christmas or your birthday, I’d be putting iFly on your wish list.

iFly is a state of the art indoor skydiving facility that caters for all ages, with kids from as young as 3 being able to participate. Australia’s first indoor skydiving facility opened in Penrith just 3 months ago and five more sites are set to be open around the country in the near future with The Gold Coast being next on the list.

From the moment we arrived, the experience was phenomenal! The towering ‘wind tunnel’ was awe inspiring even from the outside. Even the staircase leading us to the top added to the anticipation with each step reading a thousand feet as we climbed. 1000ft, 2000ft, 3000ft, 4000ft.

Right in front of us as we walked in was a huge 16ft wide glass tunnel with two of the more experienced instructors gracefully and effortlessly flying their bodies inside, flipping and somersaulting in the air. This show alone is worth the visit!

Something that really struck me about this place was the range of different people in the facility… Everyone from experienced award winning skydivers to 3 year olds, to adults 70 plus!

After we checked in we sat down to watch the other flyers until it was our turn for training. Gazing down into the depths of the tunnel invoked excitement and admittedly a little nervousness. As per usual all the kids were raring to go!

After a short time our smiley instructor Tim called us into a room where we watched a short video about how to fly. Everything from hand signals to body position and a quick look at the gear we would be wearing was covered. The instructor took as through a practice session of our body position and we all got the thumbs up!

Now if you or your kids wear glasses, do not fear. They have special goggles that can go over the top so you can wear them for the flight. After hearing a few stories about people losing wedding rings and other bits and pieces in the tunnel, we took off all our loose items and stored them safely.

The butterflies had kicked in as I strutted around in my suit but the kids were more excited than ever!

We walked single file into the holding chamber in the tunnel to take our places, but before we got started they invited all of us inside the huge tunnel to bounce around on the net and feel the air rush around us! Wow! The winds in this tunnel can be turned up to over 280km/hr!! For the more experienced fliers this is far more than a thrill ride, it’s a sport with ‘Bodyflight’ competitions being held all around the world with participant’s competing in many categories from artistic flying to ‘speed rounds’.

It was time…. We could hear and feel the wind increasing as we excitedly waited for our instructor Tim to gives us the nod. I launched into the tunnel with the help of Tim and started flying! Really flying! The first thing you notice is the strength of the wind and how it rushes all around you. The highly trained instructors never let you far from their grip and coach you all the way through with hand signals and extremely animated facial expressions. It’s actually surprisingly easy to get the hang of. Relax your body, chin up and smile!

Of course the kids were naturals which according to instructor Tim is common. iFly DownUnder even have a Junior iFlyer club with after school and weekend sessions for youngsters. If footy or dance lessons aren’t their thing, this very well could be! Bodyflight is a great way to keep kids active, improve coordination, build confidence and of course meet new friends!

They warned us as we arrived that flying is addictive and they were right! The feeling of effortlessly floating around inside the tunnel was incredible. In our last flight for the session the instructor cranked up the wind and whizzed us up to the top of the 13 metre tunnel and safely back to the net. For a moment you get to experience what would take hours of flying time to be able to accomplish alone.

Watching on as the other instructors spun and flipped and flew around the tunnel, it wasn’t surprising that so many become regular fliers.

Feeling euphoric as our session came to an end, we handed back our gear and high fived each other as we exited the tunnel. Looking through the photos and videos of our flights afterwards was hilarious. We never knew we could smile so wide!

We decided to stick around and grab a bite to eat while we watched the other flyers have their turns. Even the café there was amazing! UpRaw café supplies ultra-healthy foods that are delicious! No refined sugar is used in the café with a focus on healthy cooking techniques such as the intriguing ‘Air Fryer’ and the use of coconut oil. They of course offer Gluten free, lactose free and animal product free options.

iFly offers plenty of options for kid’s birthdays and other events with a focus on education and fun. This is definitely somewhere you want to check out.

Click here as iFly have specials running all the time and you can get all of the details here.

Thank you to Lex Stanley: Guest Dads Online writer and Skydiver.

Filed Under: Kids Activities, Parties, Sydney, Video

Would you leave your front and back door open whilst your kids are at home?

25/08/2014 By DO Leave a Comment

Keeping our kids safe from online predators is something we all must be aware of. Once upon a time we would keep our kids safe by simply making sure the front and back door of our house was locked before they went to bed. Today, if your kids have any public profiles on sites such as: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, ooVoo, Snapchat, MSM Messenger, YouTube or Kick – to name a few, then your front and back door is open 24/7. If you have kids that are using computers then we need to be knowledge up and prepared to understand what the risks are! There is no excuse for not understanding social media and the danger that it can bring to your child.

This video has a very clear and simple message and should be watched with you kids…

http://youtu.be/_o8auwnJtqE

Here are some tips to keep your kids safe online and points for discussion

Don’t post any personal information online – like your address, email address or mobile number.
Think carefully about posting pictures or video’s of your self.
Keep your privacy settings as high as possible.
Never give out your passwords
Don’t befriend people you don’t know.
Don’t meet up with people you’ve met online, speak to your parents or a trusted adult about people who suggest you do.
Remember that everyone online is not who they say they are.
Think carefully about what you say before posting it online.
Respect other peoples views, if you don’t agree with someone else’s views doesn’t mean you need to be rude.
If you see something online that makes you feel uncomfortable, unsafe or worried: leave the website, turn off the computer if you want to and tell your parent or a trusted adult.

Some ideas to staying safe at home

Keep the family computer in an open area such as the lounge, kitchen or a room where it can be monitored.
Understand the sites and technology your kids use and know who they are talking to.
Create a list of online “rules” with the family e.g. time limits, list of ok sites to visit.
Educate your kids so they not to give out personal details without parental knowledge.
Make sure your kids know what to do and where to go if they encounter cyber -bullying.
Regularly sit with your kids when they are online and look over there shoulder. Let them know you are keeping track of there online activity.
Talk about online risks and what to watch out for and how you can be tricked.
Reinforce positive behaviors and values in the online world.
Install software or services that can restrict, block or filter offensive websites.
We cant ignore technology, kids and teens will use them, if they are not using it at home then they may use it at a friends house or in the school yard? so the best course of action is to discuss openly and educate.

Filed Under: Children, General posts & comments, Kids Health, Parenting

Where possible always choose to mediate

23/08/2014 By DO Leave a Comment

If you were in a relationship that has irretrievably broken down, you may have some questions…
How do you settle your affairs and move on with your life?
How do you make parenting arrangements with the best interests of your children in mind?
How do you divide the matrimonial property in a way that is just and equitable, that you can both live with?

The litigation trap
If you can’t negotiate these issues with your former partner, it’s tempting to file a family law application in Court.
If you make the decision to litigate, you will likely begin a process that is extremely costly, stressful, inconvenient and time consuming for both of you.

Flaming conflict
You should also remember that litigation usually adds to the conflict.
Where children are involved, you should consider it your personal duty to reduce conflict if at all possible… to minimise the risk of your adult issues affecting your children.
Another problem is that if you initiate litigation, it can make negotiation with your former partner much harder.
There is a real risk that they will stop thinking about how to solve the issues with you, and focus their attention to beating you in court.
That is a completely different mindset that can escalate the conflict.
Suddenly, they may stop talking to you and demand you only speak to them through their lawyers.

Best time to mediate
I think the best time to mediate is usually before you commence litigation… and for maximum chance of success, I encourage you to attend my mediations without legal representation.
If your matter is already in court, we can still mediate to try to get you out of the court process before you incur even more legal fees.

Keeping control
By filing in court, what you are really doing is taking the decision making power out of your hands and placing it in the hands of a Judge.
You may be lucky and everything goes your way in Court.
However, what often occurs is that the Court will make orders that both parties are unhappy with.
It’s my opinion that the Australian Family Law Judges do an excellent job managing a very heavy work load.
The Australian judiciary is truly outstanding.
But… that said… who is in a better position to understand the needs of your children?
Is it you and your former partner, the people who raised your children from birth… or is it a judicial officer who is working from a court file?
With proper guidance, you and your former partner can make the best decisions for your children.

Privacy
There is also the matter of your privacy… the court is a public place.
Do you really want to air your dirty laundry for the world to see?
Do you want your family, friends, community to know what happened inside your home… inside your bedroom?
Do you want everyone to know your most sensitive financial affairs?
If you keep control, you can also protect your privacy.

Costs
There is also the issue of cost.
In Australia, it is common for legal fees to exceed $20,000 or $30,000 to take a simple matter all the way to a final hearing in court.
Your former partner will likely spend a similar amount of money.
I’ve seen cases where a party has spent over $100,000 on their own legal fees.
Where is the sense in you and your former partner spending so much money on legal fees?
… with no guarantee that you’ll get an outcome you can live with?

Lawyers
I have had the privilege of being briefed by some of the best Family Law solicitors in Australia.
You should find that most Australian solicitors are highly ethical and will do their very best for you…
But to provide you with high quality representation, they rightly need to charge proper fees for their professional time… and these fees will quickly add up.
No matter how hard they try to minimise your legal fees, they may have a hard time doing so where there is excessive conflict.
Let’s see if we can work together to reduce the conflict and minimise your legal fees.

My advice to you is to start the resolution process with mediation.
Don’t tangle yourself in litigation.
Don’t escalate the conflict with your former partner.
Keep control of the solution and don’t delegate your decision making power to the court lightly.
Defend your privacy.
Don’t spend huge amounts of money on legal fees … that is money which should go to you and your children.

Conclusion
As a family law barrister, I can assist you and your former partner to come to an agreement that you can both live with.
You will benefit from my experience in the Australian Family Law courts and benefit from the dispute resolution techniques I have developed in my practice.
My chambers are in Melbourne, however I will also mediate in Brisbane and Sydney.
Please contact my clerk, Patterson’s List, on 03 9225 7888.
Just tell my clerk that you would like to arrange a mediation with Emmanuel and we can make the arrangements.

Written by:
Emmanuel Samios LLB(Hons) LLM(QUT)
Barrister-at-Law
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scciQLqghnk

Filed Under: Dads Health, Video

Do you know how to perform CPR?

11/07/2014 By DO 2 Comments

Do you know how to do CPR Knowing the basics of performing CPR can be the difference between life or death. It could be a friend or heaven forbid your child! Being able to jump in and help can keep blood flowing through their body and keep vital organs alive whilst the ambulance is on the way. I remember watching a women pull her child from the river in Merimbula NSW and she just didn’t know what to do and stood there crying? I was young and thought just DO something DO something! Luckily a person nearby jumped in and started mouth to mouth and CPR while we waited for the ambulance.

CPR (or cardiopulmonary resuscitation) is a combination of chest compressions and rescue breathing (mouth-to-mouth resuscitation). If someone isn’t circulating blood or breathing adequately, CPR can restore circulation of oxygen-rich blood to the brain. Without oxygen, permanent brain damage or death can occur in less than 8 minutes.

CPR might be necessary in many different emergencies, including accidents, near-drowning, suffocation, poisoning, smoke inhalation, electrocution injuries, and suspected sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Reading about CPR and learning when it’s needed will give you a basic understanding of the concept and procedure, but it’s strongly recommended that you learn the details of how to perform CPR by taking a course. If CPR is needed, using the correct technique will give someone the best chance of survival.

CPR is most successful when started as quickly as possible, but you must first determine if it’s necessary. It should only be performed when a person isn’t breathing or circulating blood adequately.

First, determine that it’s safe to approach the person in trouble. For instance, if someone was injured in an accident on a busy highway, you’d have to be extremely careful about ongoing traffic as you try to help. Or if someone touched an exposed wire and was electrocuted, you’d have to be certain that he or she is no longer in contact with electricity before offering assistance to prevent becoming electrocuted yourself. (For instance, turn off the source of electricity, such as a light switch or a circuit breaker.)

Once you know that you can safely approach someone who needs help, quickly evaluate whether the person is responsive. Look for things such as eye opening, sounds from the mouth, chest movement, or other signs of life such as movement of the arms and legs.

In infants and younger kids, rubbing the chest (over the breastbone) can help determine if there is any level of responsiveness. In older kids and adults, this also can be done by gently tapping the shoulders and asking if they’re all right.

Whenever CPR is needed, remember to call for 000. Current CPR courses teach you that if you are alone with an unresponsive infant or child, you should perform CPR for about 2 minutes before calling for help.

Three Parts of CPR

The three basic parts of CPR are easily remembered as “CAB”: C for compressions, A for airway, and B for breathing.

C is for compressions. Chest compressions can sometimes restore the flow of blood to the heart, brain, and other organs. CPR begins with 30 chest compressions, followed by two rescue breaths. This cycle is immediately repeated and continued until the child recovers or help arrives. It is not necessary to check for signs of circulation to perform this technique. Rescuers doing compressions should “push hard, fast, and in the center of the chest.” A CPR course will teach you how to perform chest compressions in infants, kids, and adults, and how to coordinate the compressions with rescue breathing.
A is for airway. After 30 compressions have been completed, the victim’s airway must be open for breathing to be restored. The airway may be blocked by the tongue when someone loses consciousness or may be obstructed by food or another foreign object .In a CPR course, participants learn how to open the airway and position the person so the airway is ready for rescue breathing. The course will include what to do to clear the airway if you believe an infant or child has choked and the airway is blocked.
B is for breathing. Rescue breathing is begun after 30 compressions have been completed and the airway is open. Someone performing rescue breathing essentially breathes for the victim by forcing air into the lungs. This procedure includes breathing into the victim’s mouth at correct intervals and checking for signs of life. A CPR course will review correct techniques and procedures for rescuers to position themselves to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to infants, kids, and adults.

Australian Red Cross and St Johns Ambulance all conduct courses around Australia and teach the latest techniques. They normally include general first aid training such as what to do when someone is choking?, burnt, stopped breathing, has a broken limb or faints.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Kids Health