Dads Health Archives - Page 7 of 12

Missing childhood events can impact adult relations

01/10/2015 By DO 5 Comments

For many years my eldest daughter has not spoken to me and I don’t really know why? You do a lot of soul searching and try to piece events together to get some sense of her saying that she “wants to distance herself from you”

She has married and you guessed it, I was not invited to the wedding! No walking her down the isle, no spending time with her prior to the wedding reminiscing about life and the wonderful possibilities that lay ahead. No meeting her future husband or her new extended family, just shut out. I did not do anything that deserves this punishment.

My relationship with her I believe was loving but less than satisfactory due to the restraints that were put upon us. When she was only a little child of 2 years, the family court said I could only see her on every second weekend. Making the most of it, we were Melbourne’s biggest tourists. I kept myself available for that weekend. I didn’t seek out career opportunities because it may have had me working away from home, I didn’t take on a girlfriend because I wanted to be completely available to her. Those weekends seemed to come around quickly, it was 52 days out of 365 a year and I cherished every one of them.

I sought counselling in the early days to deal with the grief of missing her and coping with a non supportive mother. They told me “maintain your commitment and don’t argue, just be her knight and shining armour and she will realise you are a good dad and a committed one when she is older”. In the weeks between, I would send her a card or a CD single of what ever was a popular song for that fortnight, there must have been shoe boxes of them if they were kept? but I think the forces were against me from the start!

She very quickly had a step-father and two step sisters, an instant family versus a single dad every second weekend.

Looking back I liken it to getting in the ring with Danny Green, it was never going to go my way.

Separation from your child causes sadness, heartache, regret and shame, not to mention the belief that you’ve failed at one of life’s most important tasks. Never for one moment would I have believed that I would be rejected for no apparent reason or no explanation?

Confused and at a loss to understand why I have been cut out of her life, I went searching online for answers. It seems that instances like this are often rooted in issues that go back to childhood. Issues and feelings that were never dealt with during childhood such as a conflicted divorce which can cause pain and anger that can fester. Then a “triggering incident” occurs later in life, often leading to an argument, and then the child cuts the parent off.

The arguments that can trigger these events can be a little as where to have Christmas dinner? In my case it was over her inability to attend the theater which opened up a can of worms that I was never expecting.

It has been very hard for me to comprehend what I did to push her away, in my mind I chased her and Ive been available all her growing years (every second weekend) until late teens. However there are some critical moments that play a huge role in the ability to connect in the early years that may result in suppressed anger and disappointment.

Answers I have uncovered recently that I wish I had of known earlier. Questions like:

Were you there for their school plays?
Did you attend parent teacher interviews,
Did you help them with their homework?
Did you go to their birthday parties?
Did you take care of them when they were sick?

Knowing the answers to these questions gives me insight into how my absence could have contributed in her ability to walk away.

I was never avoiding my daughter it was the set of circumstances we were in, I regretted every day that we were apart.

My ex wife and I did not have a co-parenting relationship, I had to constantly fight for fair access even though there was a court order in place. At one point I was denied my agreed access so I headed immediately back to court and had it reinstated. This went on during the early years which killed any future healthy communication between her mother and I. Attending any joint events I felt like I was not welcome and I didn’t want my daughter to see that.

Regrettably I couldn’t attend her 21st, I was completely torn between going and not going. The anxiety I felt was overwhelming. Lots of old “so called” friends that deserted me like rats leaving a sinking ship were going to be at the party. I had become very distant and removed from that circle of friends due to our divorce. Even my best friend of 25 years sided with his fiance at the time and chose to distance himself from me. To attend what I perceived to be the “lions den” caused over whelming anxiety, I just couldn’t do it! .

I discuss my feelings in depth with my daughter and I thought she understood my position, maybe not… I cant help but think what is happening now could be part of that unresolved festering anger ?

I know that an apology may not heal all wounds, I did wish back then I had the chance. She refuses to communicate and didn’t return calls or messages after repeated attempts on my part, so I have pulled back. You can’t force someone to love you, at some point you need to come to peace with the fact that you did everything you could to be the best dad that you were allowed to be.

I will be the only father she will ever have. She has now had 2 children of her own, hopefully she will understand the undying bond between a parent and a child has and imagines what I went through as a separated dad seeing her sadly only 52 days a year.

Some of my reference material from my online sole searching has been from: The secret side of anger , Why adolescence don’t appreciate their parents , How to heal a rift with your adult children

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Fathering, Relationships, Separation, Sons

Why washing hands is important

18/09/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

A scrumptious dirt pie, a good-luck rock, a slippery frog — just some of the types of goodies kids love to bring home. But these special gifts also can bring thousands of germs with them.

Kids don’t always listen when parents tell them to wash their hands before eating, after using the bathroom, or when they come inside from playing. But it’s a message worth repeating — hand washing is by far the best way to prevent germs from spreading and to keep kids from getting sick.

First Line of Defense Against Germs

Germs can spread many ways, including:

touching dirty hands
changing dirty diapers
through contaminated water and food
through droplets in the air released during a cough or sneeze
on contaminated surfaces
through contact with a sick person’s body fluids

When kids come into contact with germs, they can unknowingly become infected simply by touching their eyes, nose, or mouth. I don’t know any child that doesn’t put there hands in their mouth often and once they’re infected, it’s usually just a matter of time before the whole family comes down with the same illness.

Good hand washing is the first line of defense against the spread of many illnesses — from the common cold to more serious infections, such as meningitis, bronchiolitis, the flu, hepatitis A, and most types of infectious diarrhea.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Kids Health

Quality and Characteristics of being a good Dad – Word Cloud

30/08/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

Recently we asked our Online friends, What quality or characteristic do you need to be a good dad? We collated all the responses and produced this word cloud…

Filed Under: Dads Health, Daughters, Sons

Father’s Day is coming but what if your kids aren’t there?

13/08/2015 By DO 1 Comment

Father’s day is approaching and it can be a difficult time for both Dads and their children. Some children may be too young or don’t acknowledge or remember to celebrate Fathers Day. Planning for both Mothers Day and Fathers Day should be included in any parenting plan right from the start. These celebratory days come around once a year and it is up to both parents to cover off the event and ensure the kids remember and care. If Dads don’t place any importance on Mother’s day then they can’t expect the children’s Mother to make Father’s day a priority either.

But when it works it’s great! Ideally it is great to have the kids the night before so you can wake up in the morning and start the day off well. If done correctly, their mother has arranged a gift for you (from them) so they feel they are giving and are involved in the celebration. Now this is best case scenario however we know that it does not happen for everyone.

Don’t forget that if for one reason or another you don’t have your kids on father’s day then “You CAN have your cake AND eat it too”

I have listed some coping strategies if Fathers Day is sad for you 🙁

Reduce your expectations

In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey encourages us to seek first to understand, and then seek to be understood. Take the pressure off and reduce your expectations of the day.

Accept that we all make mistakes

You are not perfect nor are children. We say the wrong things, they do the wrong things. But, to have a better relationship with our kids, we need to accept that they’re just kids. They have weaknesses, flaws…they’re not super people, and they’re certainly not perfect! Kids also need to accept the fact that dads are normal people too and are not perfect either.

Remember you are amazing!

You are amazing and believe it! Many conflicts arise when people try to change you into who they think you should be how you should act and what you should say. Instead of focusing on what you should do differently they should accept you for who you are. Accept your lifestyle choices, your personality quirks, and your past choices. Not just on Father’s day but every day of the year.

A message for your kids if they are being difficult

Your dad can’t always be who you want him to be. To have a better relationship with him – and to make Father’s Day less difficult – stop wishing he was different. Instead of holding on to unrealistic expectations, set new expectations that are based on reality. Fathers are who they are, and for your own sakes you shouldn’t expect more than they can give. Do you like who you are? If so, don’t blame your dad for his choices – you may need to thank him! Maybe his actions made you stronger, more resilient, and more successful. If you don’t like who you are, then you can find ways to work on a better version of yourself and learn to love and accept who he is.

Learn how to deal with “difficult people”

Find ways to roll with people’s personalities. There are many books and resources on how to deflect conflicts and unhappy situations. Read about boundaries, Google reference material, take workshops or classes about setting healthy boundaries with difficult people, and consider talking to a counsellor about the best coping strategies. Maybe you’ll never have a great relationship with your kids – but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.

16 Things to do on father’s day without the kids

Find a good bar with large TV’s and enjoy the day watching sport and a few beers.
See a movie or 2, if possible do Gold Class and spoil yourself
Have a 2 hour massage
Go out for lunch or coffee with a friend
Organise a BBQ and cook your favorite meal
Go to a sports game
Check out the latest movies on Foxtel or TBox or Netflix
Grab a rod and go fishing
Read a book and don’t get out of bed until noon
Go for a long country motorcycle ride or drive
Spend some time in the gym
Head out on your pushbike and ride some paths
Spend a few undisturbed hours at Bunnings planning your next DYI project
Take your camera and do a photo walk through your city
Find a good bush walking track and walk for a couple of hours
Just go and just DO

Filed Under: Celebrations, Dads Health, Separation

How to help a hangover

06/08/2015 By DO 2 Comments

We have all been there, had a big night and will pay for it the next day! There are a few tips that we can share to help you feel better the next day. These tips have been tested and voted the best defense against a hangover…

Before heading out, take an Asprin which will prevent the blood from coagulating which is a cause of headache.
Drink glasses of water during the night and before going to bed, this will counteract the effects of dehydration which is another cause of hangover – Sports drinks with no caffeine also help replace the electrolytes that the alcohol has flushed away.
Sleep in because times helps heal hangover and you might as well be asleep while your bod is healing.
Have something to eat, you might not feel very hungry but a small snack on a banana or apple or a general vitamin pill will help bring back your potassium and magnesium levels back up.
Have some coffee or tea to help esrict the capillaries in your head to reduce headache.
Wrap some ice cubes in a cloth and place them over your eyes for fifteen minutes, this will reduce the puffiness.
Go for a walk and allow your body to pump out the alcohol and toxins.
Call every person you may have offended and apologise, it wont make you feel physically better but you might mend some important bridges.

If your hangover is as extreme as these boys I don’t think there is anything that can help you 🙂 See below video of them waking up after a huge night out in Bangkok.

How to NOT get drunk at formal functions in the first place?

Many politicians have a knack of attending many functions & events, mingling with party guests and never getting drunk? how do they do it? There are a couple of tricks up there sleeve…

Choosing an alternative drink such as a soda water, dash of bitter and a twist of lemon can look like a mix drink.
Having an intense drink such as bourbon on the rocks can last half the night forcing you to sip it whilst everyone else guzzles.

Lets learn from the professionals, enjoy your night 🙂

Filed Under: Dads Health

How to solve family disputes

02/08/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

Everyday we are trying to balance work, home, blended families and health. Our family issues are often left unattended, they can simmer for years and spiral out of control and be that ugly elephant in the room. Working out family problems are not as hard as some would think? There are some intentional efforts you can apply to get the back on track, here are some ideas you could follow…

Try to understand that family issues are normal and apart of normal life so don’t feel you need to hang on to the issue as tomorrow it can subside.
If it continues to be an issue, get someone to mediate and who can stay impartial
Try hard to understand their point of view and only then see you you can be understood.
Remember that time can heal and the reason of the argument can be often forgotten. Be patient and be ready to accept honest love and a willingness to change.
Remember everyone deserves to be heard and each persons point of view is important. Don’t buy into the thought that everything would be better if only….
Truth is paramount, only communicate using the “whole truth and nothing but the truth” philosophy.

If you have an on going problem with a family member, maybe its time to take a lead role in trying to resolve it and find a solution that will satisfy both parties.

Filed Under: Dads Health, Parenting

A Date with Dad

12/07/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

A date with dad The power of a “Date with Dad” is all about “being there” and spending time talking with your kids, it is so profoundly meaningful that we often miss it. Kids thrive when their dads take the time to be 100% present and are available to them. A regular, “Date with Dad” with each of your kids separately is a great place to begin intentionally investing in the overall health and well-being of your child. Date nights, days or even mornings do not have to be complicated. They can be a simply getting an ice-cream and going for a walk or sit in the park and chat.

Remember to Listen, be affectionate and never embarrass them.

If your looking for ideas on something new to do? Below I have listed a few ideas.

Choose a nice recipe and pick up the ingredients at the supermarket and then return home and cook it up together.
Have a movie night. Rent, buy or download a movie that you’ll both enjoy, make popcorn, and get relax on the couch.
Go for a bike ride or long walk together.
Get coffee/milkshake or hot chocolate at your favorite cafe – just spend time talking to one another.
Go swimming at your local pool together then sit afterward and have a relaxing chat.
Go to a theme park walk around and get on a couple of rides together.
Head to the zoo or museum. Stroll through the exhibits and discuss what you see and learn.
Attend a concert and sing out loud – even if you’re more Beethoven than Bon Jovi, is a great stress reliever.
Take a sculpting or drawing class together. Your local council normally have short course. Your art will give your son or daughter a new window into your personality.
Visit a golf driving range, bowling, pool hall, for some old-fashioned fun and friendly competition.
Go to the footy together, even if you don’t stay for the whole game, have a game can be fun.
Fill up a picnic basket and head to the botanical gardens for a relaxing lazy lunch. Don’t forget your picnic blanket.
Act like tourists in your own neighbourhood. Go to your major city and take photos, and pretend you’re seeing this place again for the first time.
Draw sketches of one another. Even if you can’t draw, you’ll have fun and create a lovely memory. Sign and date them.
Visit your nearby paint ball or laser tag facility.
Glide around at your nearest ice skating rink.
Investigate your local planetarium open hours and tour dates and book in for star gazing.
Go indoor rock climbing, this sort of activity is fun but also helps fathers and children to build trust.
Volunteer for a worthy cause together. Visit the ill, organize a fundraiser for a non-profit, or work at a shelter. You’ll spend time with each other, but you’ll also make a difference and help others. You can see what volunteer opportunities there are in your city by clicking here.
Have a tournament of your choice – Battleship, Monopoly, cards, Playstation, etc.
Maybe go for breakfast to a funky new cafe instead of lunch or dinner?
Go to the movies and have a milkshake or similar before or afterwards.
Take a hot air balloon ride.
Watch the sun rise or set from a great location.
Get your child to choose a restaurant, give them a price guide i.e. $ cheap. $$ medium, $$$+ expensive, suggest some locations, they can use Urbanspoon to do the research before hand and let you know where you will be having your Date Date.
Hire a fishing charter, they usually go rain hail or shine, they will also clean and fillet the fish, just take an esky to bring your catch home and have a cook-up on fish and chips.
Accomplish a fun home project together i.e. Paint their bedroom. You’ll work as a team and feel a whole new kind of satisfaction when you’re done.
Have high tea complete with scones and cucumber sandwiches at a ritzy hotel
Get an hour foot massage together at one of the Thai massage centers around town.
Write or get printed a few vouchers and have on them – “Date with Dad” voucher, valid for ever and include on each one an idea, outing or activity of what you both could do. They can then cash them in each time you plan a date.

Any other ideas you might have we would love to hear and share them with others.

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Daughters, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting, Sons

Remember to put the glass down

01/07/2015 By DO 1 Comment

A psychologist lecturer was teaching how to manage stress and anxiety to his university students. As he raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty half full” question. Instead, with a smile on his face, he inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water”?

The answers ranged between 5 0z to 22oz.

He replied, The absolute weight does not matter. It depends on how long i hold onto it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem, If I hold onto it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold onto it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

He continued,

The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water.

Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them for all day long, you will feel paralyzed – possibly incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.

(Courtesy of Jimmy Harmon)

Filed Under: Dads Health

How to help a friend if they’re not ok

26/06/2015 By DO 2 Comments

I wonder how many of us would know what to do if their friend says “they are NOT ok”. It’s not that often we would come across such a revealing statement. But if you did, would you know what to say? possibly…”Oh” whats the matter, “you’ll be right”, “she’ll be right” or maybe not even know what to say and possibly avoid the discussion. It could be likely that if you have a friend going through divorce or separation, you may hear those words.

When someone says they are NOT ok, It’s so supporting as a friend to ensure that they know we care and offer assistance or discussion to help them. A great organization called eheadspace deal with just these issues and offer guidance and coaching as to how to handle that situation if it ever arises.

Here are some tips on how to handle it:

Listen and try not to judge or “fix” things straight away.
Taking the time to listen shows them that you care and their feelings are important. If someone has been going through a tough time, it can be a big relief to talk about what has been going on.
Listening can be helpful even without taking any actions, it might be just what they need? Don’t panic, the fact that your friend feels something is really an important first step.
Let your friend know they do not have to go through this on their own.
And that you are their to help and support them.
Some people need time or space before they are willing to accept help.
Just giving them information about where to get help or providing them with fact sheets can be useful.
Suggest they read stories at eheadspace.org.au about other people who have made it through tough times.
If may help their feelings of being alone and give them hope for the future.
Be honest about why you are worried.
Ask if anyone else knows about how they are feeling
Encourage them to try some self-help strategies
Things like, eating well, exercising, writing their feelings down, getting enough sleep, doing things they enjoy and avoiding alcohol and other drugs are just a few self-help tips your friend could try. Visit (eheadspace.org.au and download the tips for a healthy eheadspace fact sheet)
Don’t be to forceful in encouraging self-help activities.
It’s important to understand your friend may not feel able use them because how they are feeling, or they may not be enough to help them feel better. If they’re interested you may be able to some of the strategies with them e.g. go for a walk, watch a favorite movie together.
If they are young – Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult.
About what is going on and how they are feeling (Family member, Coach or school teacher).
Sometimes self-help strategies &/ or talking to family and friends is not enough and thats ok.
There are a lot of professionals out their that can help. Suggest they make an appointment with their GP or their nearest headspace center if things dont begin to improve. You could offer to go with them if they need extra support.
Let them know about eheadspace
If your friend would prefer to seek help online rather than face-to-face. eheadspace.org.au provides free online support and telephone support (1800 650 890) for young people, Lifeline (13 11 14) and Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) also provide free and confidential support over the phone.

By applying these strategies if an occasion ever arising, you will be better equipped to provide good support and care to your friend or acquaintance.

Filed Under: Dads Health

A dads nightmare

17/06/2015 By DO 2 Comments

Recently a Dad wrote to me, he told me of his worrying situation, this was his story… I was laid off from work, it was unexpected and completely unfair. In fact I was doing a great job! Unfortunately I came across a manager that was unsupportive and insecure. To fight unfair dismissal takes a lot of money and emotion, I would prefer to save both for myself.

He said, I’m not here to speak about him, in fact I don’t want to waste another paragraph on him, I’m here to speak about what it does in real human terms. It impacts the way I can support for my child, lifestyle and how do I get moving again AQAP? (As Quick As Possible).

After the first couple of days feeling numb, I needed a well-earned mind break, sleeping in, lazing on the couch watching Dr Phil which actually made me feel like a looser, thank God that only lasted a couple of days.

Initially, I was feeling like I would be ok financially because they paid me 3 months “go quietly” money, however, in the back of my mind I knew there was a deadline as to when I could go broke. Mortgage, child support, food, car, credit card payments, body corporate fees, water, electricity you name it, living expenses drain your resources pretty quickly.

They say most people have access to about 2 months worth of funds, yep that’s me! Although I did have some extra savings and some extra leave payments but I was not too far off the statistics, a big lesson learned in having an emergency fund!!

Walking through the city I saw homeless people and wondered whether they were laid off too? I said to myself “am I seeing my future”? Its crazy & scary the things that go through your mind i.e. I wish I had learnt a trade at school or had a degree in some specialty field so I could fall back into it or work for myself. All I know is book-keeping and administration and there are a lot of people going for those type of roles.

Fast track 8 weeks and 40+ job applications later, lots of proactive networking through my LinkedIn contacts and not really getting anywhere accept for a couple of warm leads. I decided to get my Heavy Restricted Non-Synchronized Truck License through DECA training. I enjoyed the course and successfully obtained my license. I wanted the license just in case there was no job in my field on the horizon, it was my fall back position. I can assure you at this stage I was not feeling great about how my prospects were looking.

Luckily, two LinkedIn contacts in my network have offered me positions and its just in the nick of time, I only have a couple of weeks left and things could start to become dire! I have my partner’s support, it has been a combination of lots of effort and prayers that has really paid off. I start my new role (not exactly perfect role however, scope to grow role) in a couple of weeks. To say I am relieved is an understatement.

What I feel has saved me is that throughout my career I have always offered great support to my teams and demonstrated great work ethic. This has enabled me to draw on my networks from as far back as 12 years with people from past employment. By keeping lots of irons in the fire and creating myself a fall back position (truck driving) I felt a sense of confidence to keep moving forward.

What really disturbs me is that people in management and influential positions can make decisions on a whim that disrupt your life in such an impacting way. Simply by making bullshit decisions or deciding they don’t want you around anymore for personal or no reason is not a good enough reason to terminate employment.

My story gratefully has a happy ending; I know there are people who do fall on hard times because of unjust situations like mine. I have been to a corporate breakfast event for the Salvation Army Red Shield Appeal and have seen the support they offer families during tough times, never thinking that one day I may have been only weeks away myself.

Best wishes for the future John, we are very happy things turned around for you, well done and thank you for sharing your story.

Filed Under: Dads Health

Ten choices you will always regret making

14/06/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

Hindsight is a funny thing. Look forward and the path seems uncertain, the future unpredictable. Look back and all the dots seem to connect… except the dots that mark the choices you didn’t make, and the risks you didn’t take.

Here are choices you will someday regret having made:

Choosing not to be brave.

Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid — in fact, the opposite is true. Courage without thought or meaning is simply recklessness. Brave people aren’t fearless; they’ve simply found something that matters more to them than fear.

Say you’re scared to start a business. Find a reason that means more: creating a better future for your family, wanting to make a real difference, or hoping for a more rewarding and fulfilling life.

Once you find a greater meaning, you also find courage. See fear not as something to shrink from but as something to overcome — because that’s all it is.

Choosing the pain of regret over the pain of discipline.

The worst words you can say are, “If I had only…”

Think of all the things you’ve wanted to do but never have. What did you do instead? If you’re like me, you can’t recall. All you know is that time is gone and whatever you did instead wasn’t even worth remembering.

Think about one thing you dreamed of doing five or 10 years ago but didn’t work to do… and think about how good you’d be today at that one thing if you had. Think about all the time you wasted and can never get back.

Then, starting today, push yourself to do what you hope to do… so five or 10 years from now you won’t look back with regret. Sure it will be hard. Sure it will be painful.

But it will be a lot less painful than how it will someday feel when you look back on what could have been… but isn’t.

Choosing not to say, “I will.”

A boss once gave me what I thought was an impossible task. I said, “OK. I’ll try.”

He told me trying didn’t matter–as long as I didn’t quit, I’d finish it. Trying didn’t enter into it. Persistence was all that mattered.

Often we say, “I’ll try,” because that gives us an out. Our egos aren’t on the line. Our identities aren’t on the line. After all, we’re just “trying.”

Once you say, “I will,” your perspective changes. What previously seemed insurmountable is no longer a matter of luck or chance but of time and effort and persistence.

When what you want to do really matters, don’t say, “I’ll try.” Say, “I will,” and then do everything possible to keep that promise to yourself.

Choosing not to take plenty of shots.

You may never create the perfect business plan, may never find the perfect partners or the perfect market or the perfect location, but you can find the perfect time to start — because that time is now.

Talent, experience, and connections are important, but put your all into enough new things, and some will work.

Plus, after you take enough shots, over time you’ll grow more skilled, more experienced, and more connected. And that will mean an even greater percentage of your efforts will succeed. Take enough shots, and learn from each experience, and in time you’ll have all the skills, knowledge, and connections you need.

Ultimately, success is a numbers game; it’s all about taking a shot, over and over and over again. The more shots you take, the more times you will succeed. So get the power of numbers on your side and take as many shots as you can.

There is no guarantee of success, but when you don’t take any shots at all, you’re guaranteed to always fail.

Choosing not to move.

Familiarity creates comfort. But comfort is often the enemy of improvement.

If you have a great opportunity and the only thing holding you back is the thought of moving, move. If you want to be closer to family or friends and the only thing holding you back is the thought of moving, move. If you want to be closer to people who think and feel and act like you, move. (When I asked singer/songwriter Lee Brice for the one piece of advice he would give any aspiring country artist, he said, “Move to Nashville.”)

When the fear of moving is the only thing holding you back, move.

Don’t worry. You’ll soon find cool new places to hang out. You’ll soon develop new routines. You’ll soon make new friends. And you’ll gain a great new perspective on your life.

Besides, Thomas Wolfe was wrong. If it doesn’t work out, you can go home again.

Choosing not to let go.

Bitterness, resentment, and jealousy are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You are the only one who loses.

Life is too short to resent all the people who may have hurt you. Let hard feelings go.

Then spend the energy you save cherishing the people you love and who love you.

Choosing not to say you’re sorry.

We all make mistakes, so we all have things we need to apologize for: words, actions, omissions, failing to step up, step in, to be there when we’re needed…

Swallow your fear — or pride — and say you’re sorry. Then you’ll help the other person let go of their resentment or bitterness.

And then you both get to make the freshest of fresh starts, sooner instead of later — or instead of never.

Choosing not to throw out your backup plans.

Backup plans can help you sleep easier at night. But backup plans can also create an easy out when times get tough.

You will work a lot harder and a longer if your primary plan has to work because there is no other option. Total commitment — without a safety net — will spur you to work harder than you ever imagined possible.

Then, if somehow the worst does happen (although the “worst” is never as bad as you think), trust that you will find a way to rebound.

As long as you keep working hard and keep learning from your mistakes, you always will.

Choosing to be too proud.

Don’t be too proud to admit you made a mistake. Don’t be too proud to have big dreams, or to poke fun at yourself, or to ask other people for help.

Don’t be afraid to take a chance and fall on your face… and then to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go again.

Instead, take pride in the fact that no matter what might happen, you will always get up and go again.

That way, you never truly lose — and your dreams can never, ever die.

Choosing not to care.

Rejection hurts. Sadness hurts. Failure hurts; sometimes a lot. So what do you do?

You avoid getting hurt by deciding you no longer care. But then you never get to experience the joy of connection, the joy of happiness, and the joy of success.

Choose to still be in the game. Choose to care.

Choose to live.

Thank you to Jeff Haden – Ghostwriter, Speaker, Inc. Magazine Contributing Editor who has given me permission to repost his article. You can follow Jeff on LinkedIn here

Filed Under: Dads Health

Dads feeling blue – Take the K10 test

28/05/2015 By DO Leave a Comment

How often do you feel sad, do you have some things going on in your life that could cause you to feel depressed, powerless or anxious?

The road many of us have traveled can cause us to loose hope or to continually feel sad. Grieving the loss of your kids can be one reason for this and some of us have multiple contributors i.e. loss of a partner, loss of a job, loss of friends, you have gained weight and your self esteem has taken a hit or even your change of lifestyle due to financial reasons etc

There is definitely something that can be done and you don’t have to travel through life feeling this way. Beyondblue have information, programs and people to talk too that can help you get back on track. It is only a click or dial away. Every one of us deserves to live a happy and content life, make it a gift to yourself to search out help.

Are you wondering if you are ok?

Beyondblue has a Anxiety and Depression checklist called K10. Once completed, if the results suggest you might be suffering from anxiety or depression, please seek help, it can can be fixed.

Take the test: http: Anxiety and Depression K10 test

What you could do after the test –

Find out more about the signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Access online programs and trusted information on depression, stress and anxiety at mindhealthconnect.
Go to MindSpot who provide a free telephone and online therapist-guided treatment courses and referrals to help people recover and stay well.
Do you live in Adelaide, Canberra or North Coast NSW? NewAccess is a free and confidential service that provides support in the form of a coach. The program includes six free sessions tailored to your individual needs.
If you are concerned about how you are feeling and need information, advice or support call the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 or make an appointment to talk to your GP.
Find out where to get help.
Depression and anxiety are common and there are treatments that work. It’s important to seek help early – the sooner you talk to someone, the sooner you will be on the road to recovery.