Physical
Examples: hitting, murder, strangling, pulling hair, smashing things, burning, denying medical support or medications, locked in side or outside, damage to possessions, cruelty to pets.
Sexual
Examples: unwanted sex or sexual acts, sexual acts in front of or witnessed by children, made to watch pornography, sex on their conditions, denying choice in contraception, forced abortion.
Emotional/Psychological
Example: saying you are crazy, threatening suicide, threatening to leave, self esteem erosion, critiquing appearance/body, put-downs, undermining character, implying mental illness, spreading rumours, saying you are a bad father/mother/partner, blaming, shaming, misattributing responsibility for violence e.g. “look what you made me do”, controlling what you wear.
For the LGBTIQA+ relationships, the type of abuse can involve ‘Outing’, or threatening to ‘Out’ their partner to friends, family, church or employer.
Cultural/Spiritual
Example: not letting them follow their own beliefs, using beliefs to justify behaviour, not allowing negotiation in children’s spiritual education, stopping attendance at a place of worship, forcing or insisting on conversion.
Financial/Economic
Example: controlling money, getting into debt, control of shopping expenditure, concealing assets, unable to buy things for oneself, rationing or placing conditions on money, gambling joint money, taking out loans.
Verbal
Example: yelling, name calling, sarcasm, fault finding, lies, public humiliation, threats, dominating conversation.
Social
Example: not allowing the individual to see or ring friends or family, monitoring where they are, reading messages on phone, smashing phone, jealousy, accusing of affairs, disallowing transport or license, controlling appearance, sabotaging social outings.
Stalking
Examples: watching from parked cars, unwanted gifts, cyber stalking, repeatedly driving past home or work, reading mail or emails, turning up at places where the person who experiences violence frequents.
Technology facilitated abuse
Examples: tracking via mobile phone apps, monitoring through the access of online bank accounts, threats to the partner via social media.
There is a disturbing increase in the number of individuals experiencing technology facilitated abuse, as people who use violence use digital means to monitor and control their partners movements.
Abuse via technology has an enormous impact on the lives of people experiencing domestic and family violence. It restricts their movements, creates fear and causes issues for their health and wellbeing. Knowing how to increase safety when using digital technology is very important, see information here…Domestic Violence-eSafety Online Safety Plan
Dinner conversations with Dad
Ever sat around the dinner table and wondered what questions you could ask your dad to really find out more about him?
Remember all families have been through good and bad times. There were many years before you were born that your Dad had a life probably very different to the life we all have today. Find out, you might be pleasantly suprised.
Experience, Knowledge and History
Through it all there is a wealth of experience, knowledge and history that can be explored with pre-thought crafted questions to get the conversation started. Good questions can be fun and they can also help create bonds and show that there is something larger that themselves.
Below are questions that could be written/printed onto cards and taken to your next family dinner, or even on your next zoom call if you don’t catch up for dinners? Its a good idea to pre-warn your dad so that they can weave their answers to demonstrate that they have travelled a road that has had pebbles and rocks but in the end it worked out through good decision making to show the younger generation listening that you have resilience and come through it well or at least ok.
Table Questions:
Making dinner party memories is easier than you thought, try some more questions here: 40 more dinner table questions
If you’re still lucky enough to have your Grandfather or Grandmother in your life, the answers to their question may be very different to those of your Dads.
Why don’t you write them out onto cards and bring them along to your next dinner and learn a little more about your dad or grandad? Share your experience below, we would love to hear how it went. Did you learn something you never knew? Something insightful or suprising?