Fathering Archives - Page 6 of 7

Negotiate Your Way to a Better Deal

02/06/2013 By DO 1 Comment

negotiate a better deal People often associate negotiations with deals between companies or purchases but in reality, the average person makes dozens of negotiations every single day. Whether it’s discussion with an (ex)spouse, pleading with children, or coming to a consensus on dinner plans with friends – negotiating is a part of everyday life. While everyone inevitably engages in some form of negotiation, not everyone is skilled at it. Luckily, it doesn’t require years of business classes to become a great negotiator. And the benefits of becoming a great communicator can be tremendous. Keep the following things in mind for future negotiations.

Preparation

Regardless of the focus of your negotiations, you must do extensive research beforehand. For example, if you begin negotiations to purchase a used car but you haven’t researched current market prices for the make and model in question, the seller is going to spot your lack of preparation and take advantage of it. The seller could set the starting price much higher than current market prices suggest, playing off of your ignorance. Preparation also involves knowing exactly what it is you want out of the deal and defining your bottom line. Writing these things down before you begin negotiating can act as a control which will prevent you from making unwise decisions in the heat of the moment.

Honesty

Honesty really is the best policy in negotiations. Being dishonest or omitting certain information during a negotiation will only hurt you later on when the truth comes to light. Remember that the goal of any negotiation isn’t to force your opponent to take a bad deal, but rather to find a compromise that will be advantageous for both parties.

Patience

Don’t let your own impatience drive you to take an undesirable deal. Negotiations that occur over long periods of time can actually be helpful since both parties have ample time to fully consider the consequences of the deal. On the flipside, negotiations with your children may not be long and drawn out but LOTS of patience may be needed.

Assistance

Don’t ever be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. If the particular negotiation you are involved in has high stakes, it may be a good idea to consult an attorney, an expert negotiator, or simply speak with a trusted friend or family member. Consulting someone outside of the negotiation can give you a fresh perspective and potentially provide valuable insight.

Options

Having a variety of options can work to your advantage in any deal. If you are planning on purchasing a home for instance, you should speak with several realtors about different locations. Once you have been quoted prices for all of the possibilities, you can use the price ranges as tools of negotiation. Let all the realtors know that you have other options and will only accept the best deal. This provides leverage which ensures you will get a bigger discount in the end.

Practice

Confidence is what you stand to gain through practice and it will go a long way in earning you a great deal. Before a big negotiation, use role plays to practice with friends, family, or co-workers. You can try out different negotiation tactics and see which ones suit your personality best and remember the old saying “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”

Good negotiation skills can mean the difference between a satisfied customer and buyer’s regret. Keep these tips in mind and you should find yourself walking away from your next negotiation with a smile and a great deal.

Filed Under: Fathering, Finances, Parenting

Is your teen at risk of a workplace injury?

16/05/2013 By DO 1 Comment

Is your teen at risk of a workplace injury Getting your first part time job is a proud moment in anyone’s life, and this will be no different for your teen.

Gaining some independence, developing life skills, and earning a bit of cash to spend on just about anything are some of the reasons first jobs are so exciting.

However, in spite of the huge number of benefits of young people working, a growing number of teens are finding themselves injured or, in the very worst cases, killed whilst at work.

Adolescents and young adults (aged between 15-24) suffer approximately twice the rate of occupational injuries as older workers. Experts believe teens may be more at risk because they have less work experience than adults, and may be less confident about speaking up about unsafe working conditions.

If your teen has just secured their first job, make sure you talk to them about identifying and minimizing their risks whilst at work:

Job Options

Help your teen to understand that different jobs carry different levels of risk. For example a job laboring at a construction site is likely to carry a greater risk of physical injury than one in an office or shop.

Workplace Safety

Discuss possible safety issues and safety risks with your teen, and quiz them about what they believe to be dangerous working conditions.

Discuss work tasks
Find out what types of equipment and machinery they will use
Establish what types of protective gear (such as gloves, glasses and ear-plugs) is available to your child, free of charge, of he/she needs it.

In many cases teens just don’t recognize danger before it’s too late. Make sure your teen has a good basic understanding of how to keep safe at work, and what their employer’s responsibilities are.

Check the employer

Consider visiting your teen at their workplace to assess the safety of the environment. Avoid embarrassing them by keeping it light and informal – maybe meet them for lunch or a drink whilst you have a quick look around. If your teen’s employer is a responsible person, they will understand your concerns.

Things to consider include:

Do most of the employees seem happy and satisfied?
Does the workplace seem reasonably safe?
Is the place of employment tidy and organized?

Claiming for compensation

If your teen is unfortunate enough to be injured at work, then there are a number of ways in which they can claim for compensation. Remember the amount awarded will vary from state to state and it can be difficult for the average person to know their legal rights.

Speaking to a professional injury lawyer can make a big difference to any injury claim.

Filed Under: Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

How to talk to your child about the News

20/04/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

how to talk to your kids about the news News gleaned from the TV, radio, or Internet can be a positive educational experience for kids. But when the images presented are violent or the stories touch on disturbing topics, problems can arise.

Events all over the world but recently in America such as the explosions at the Boston Marathon and the mass shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School might naturally cause kids to worry that something similar might happen to them or their loved ones. It also can make them fear some aspect of daily life — like going to school — that they never worried about before.

Reports on shootings, attacks, natural disasters, and child abductions also can teach kids to view the world as a confusing, threatening, or unfriendly place.

How can you deal with these disturbing stories and images? Talking to your kids about what they watch or hear will help them put frightening information into a reasonable context.

How Kids Perceive the News

Unlike movies or entertainment programs, news is real. But depending on their age or maturity level, kids might not yet understand the distinctions between fact and fantasy.

By the time kids reach 7 or 8, however, what they see on TV can seem all too real. For some youngsters, the vividness of a sensational news story can be internalized and transformed into something that might happen to them. A child watching a news story about a bombing on a bus or a subway might worry, “Could I be next? Could that happen to me?”

Natural disasters or stories of other types of devastation can be personalized in the same manner. A child in Melbourne who sees a house being swallowed by floods from a storm in Brisbane may spend a sleepless night worrying about whether his home will be OK in a rainstorm. A child in Adelaide, seeing news about an attack on train station in Sydney, might get scared about using public transportation around town.

TV has the effect of shrinking the world and bringing it into our own living rooms. By concentrating on violent stories, TV news also can promote a “mean-world” syndrome and give kids an inaccurate view of what the world and society are actually like.

Talking About the News

To calm children’s fears about the news, parents should be prepared to deliver the truth, but only as much truth as a child needs to know. The key is to be honest and help kids feel safe. There’s no need to go into more details than your child is interested in.

Although it’s true that some things — like a natural disaster — can’t be controlled, parents should still give kids space to share their fears. Encourage them to talk openly about what scares them.

Older kids are less likely to accept an explanation at face value. Their budding skepticism about the news and how it’s produced and sold might mask anxieties they have about the stories it covers. If older kids are bothered about a story, help them cope with these fears. An adult’s willingness to listen sends a powerful message.

Teens also can be encouraged to consider why a frightening or disturbing story was on the air: Was it to increase the program’s ratings because of its sensational value or because it was truly newsworthy? In this way, a scary story can be turned into a worthwhile discussion about the role and mission of the news.

Tips for Parents

Keeping an eye on kids’ TV news habits can go a long way toward monitoring the content of what they hear and see. Other tips:

Recognize that news doesn’t have to be driven by disturbing pictures. Public TV programs, newspapers, or newsmagazines specifically designed for kids can be less sensational — and less upsetting — ways of getting information to children.
Discuss current events with your child regularly. It’s important to help kids think through stories they hear about. Ask questions: What do you think about these events? How do you think these things happen? These questions can encourage conversation about non-news topics too.
Put news stories in proper context. Showing that certain events are isolated or explaining how one event relates to another helps kids make better sense of what they hear. Broaden the discussion from a disturbing news item to a larger conversation: Use the story of a natural disaster as an opportunity to talk about philanthropy, cooperation, and the ability of people to cope with overwhelming hardship.
Watch the news with your kids to filter inappropriate or frightening stories.
Anticipate when guidance will be necessary and avoid shows that are too graphic and inappropriate for your child’s age or level of development.
If you’re uncomfortable with the content of the news or if it’s inappropriate for your child’s age, turn it off.
Talk about what you can do to help. After a tragic event, kids may gain a sense of control and feel more secure if you help them find ways to help those affected by the tragedy or honor those who died.

Thank you to Kidshealth.org for content.

Filed Under: Fathering, Kids Health, News, Parenting

Deciding if a part time job is right for your teenager

04/04/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

teens_at_work Having a teenager can be a difficult time, and being one can be even harder. It’s a strange time in their life as they aren’t a kid anymore, but they still rely on people to assist them with decision making. There has been an increase of teenagers joining the workforce in recent years, and the idea of letting adolescents work has been a heavy debate for years. If you and your teenager are trying to decide if getting a part time job is right for their path, there are a few things to consider:

Those in Favour

There are many parents who support the idea of their teenager having a part time job, and some even demand if of their kids. Here are some of the most common discussion points:

It teaches them responsibility. Being on time, having specified tasks to complete, and being accountable for their own finances are skills that a part time job can help teach a teenager, and those are things that are needed all throughout life.
It eases them into adulthood. Being an adult is a balancing act, and having your teenager manage a day at school, a few hours at work, and social relationships will help him/her prepare for the “real world.” Being thrown into adulthood can be a harsh transition for those who had no chance to prepare, and giving them a small taste of reality will lead to a better chance of them easily adjusting.
It keeps them out of trouble. Kids who are kept busy are less likely to get in trouble because having something to do will keep them focused. Teenagers with plenty of spare time on their hands tend to be more inclined to experimenting with things that could lead them down a negative path.
It’s good for experience. Starting a job at a young age is great for gathering experience, skills, and references to put on a resume, and it’s always easier to get a job later on in life if you’ve been in the work force for a while.

Those Opposed

For every argument in support of teens holding down a job, there are just as many justifications for those against the idea, and here are the most common concerns:

It interferes with their schoolwork. A teenager’s main priority should be school, and having a job to focus on and keep up with could distract them from what’s really important. Doing well in school is what’s going to set them up for success in the future, and they shouldn’t feel compelled to try and hold down a job in the midst of developing their academic career.
It pushes them to grow up too fast. In the final years of their childhood, teens should be focused on their education and enjoying being carefree with their friends. They have all the time in the world to learn the responsibility of earning money and balancing relationships. Youth is something they can only experience once, and having to squeeze time in with their friends between school and work could be nearly impossible to do.
It leaves minimal time for self-discovery. Teens need time to be themselves and think their own thoughts. Having to focus on what someone is instructing them to focus on for seven hours a day in school can be overwhelming, and adding a job on top of that could severely stifle the time they have to contemplate what it is that really inspires them about life. Limiting the time they have for self-exploration could lead to indecisiveness or misdirection later on down the road.
It’s too much to handle. A typical day at school tends to be about the length as a full day of work for most people, and when you add up the time it takes them to complete their homework, they might not be finished with everything until late in the evening. Trying to put the responsibility of a part time job on top of all that would be too much for anyone to handle.

Making Your Decision

Now that you have heard both sides of the argument, it’s time for you and your teen to make a decision. Whether it’s you pushing for your teen to start working, or it’s your child’s idea, make sure to talk with your child, not at him/her. Effective communication is the key to reaching a peaceful resolve, and if you’re willing to consider letting your child go into an adult world, then hear them out like one. Try reaching a compromise if you hold clashing views; maybe a job working only weekends would be a good starting point. At the end of the day, all that matters is that both you and your teen feel that the best decision possible was made.

Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting

Children and Chores: What I’ve learned as a Father

30/03/2013 By DO Leave a Comment

Kids and cleaning There was one thing I was looking forward to when I had my first kid. It wasn’t spending time raising someone to be responsible, nor was it having a new best friend to laugh and play with. It was finally getting someone else to mow the lawn for me. No more of my weekend time wasted pushing my lawnmower with the busted automatic drive, no more time fixing the bag that keeps falling off, and no more hauling the grass bags off to the bin. That is all Dennis Junior’s job.

Okay, the real truth of it is that I didn’t start having kids to supply my own personal free labor force. The fact is that I make my kids do chores for the same reasons any other parent does, which is to help teach them about responsibility, reward, and helping to better prepare them for the maniacal world of adult life.

I was raised in a fairly strict family environment and what that left me with was the lasting impression that I wanted my own family to be anything but. It may have been a tough childhood but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t teach me some good lessons, and while not everything my parents made me do or discipline me for is what I plan on passing along to my kids, my goal was to take the best traditions that I know are good and mix them with some new methods with my own personal twist.

Of course, I have to give that most important of disclaimers “individual results may vary”, but you can just use my method of giving everything a try to see how effective it is on your firstborn, or as I like to call him, “practice baby.”

Make it a responsibility, not a punishment

When my firstborn was young, it was hard to explain the concept of pride to him. It was something he grew to understand as I explained that how a person presented themselves was how they also presented their own self-respect. I don’t mow the lawn because I like to, although I really do, because my wife wants nothing to do with yard work and I get some valuable me time with a beer and my iPod. I mow it because I take pride in where I live. I don’t want my home to look run down or have anybody judge my family as poor or lazy.

I explained to my children that this was why their rooms should be kept clean. A clean room is a happy room. I’m okay with a little clutter, because a little clutter looks lived in and feels like home, but when it starts to look like an episode of Hoarders is where I draw the line.

Participate, do not delegate

Notice I said “help us out.” Don’t force your kids to do something you wouldn’t do yourself. This has two negative effects, the first being that it makes a chore feel like punishment, the second being the job probably won’t get done right without your supervision meaning you’ll have to just do it right yourself.

Doing the chores with your kids is a great way to spend time and bond with them. You can talk to them about their day (a three year old can have quite an interesting day), or sneak in a few life lessons (like why jamming a fork into an electrical outlet is a bad idea).

In traditional cultures parents spend a great deal of time with their children during their childhood teaching them valuable life skills. There is a disconnect in western culture between chores, children, and how parents instruct children in these chores, with children “striking” on their workload.

Start early, make it routine, and encourage it

The best way to get kids to learn a habit is to start them when they are young. If mini-you shows an interest in helping you pick up the laundry don’t discourage that behavior by telling them to sit down and get out of the way. Let them help you out and slow down to their speed.

Kids are great at learning (some studies suggest that the contemporary child is smarter and quicker to learn than kids were decades ago), and when you encourage positive behavior they will naturally come to enjoy it. Make it part of a daily routine and it will quickly become learned behavior.

Rewards

This is one of those tricky topics. If you put a dozen parents in a room and ask them what the best type of rewards for doing chores should be, you’ll get about fifty different answers. The best thing to do as a parent is offer a reward that is tailored to your kid.

What is important to remember though is that rewarding behavior only works until someone decides that the reward is no longer valuable. If you give your kids money for chores and a sneaky relative outbids you at a birthday party, then suddenly your kids are going to start criticizing the value you place on their work. If I thought of this situation as me at any job I ever had, and I questioned the value my company placed on me, I’d start looking for a new job.

This is why I for me, the most important principle I try to instill in my children is that of pride and self-respect. I encourage them to do chores for the same reason that I do them. Not because I want to, but because it is how I show how I care for myself, and how I care for us as a family.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health, Parenting

The Hero Project

28/02/2013 By DO 1 Comment

The Hero Project Khaaliq Thomas is a professional photographer and custodial dad of 3 (recently divorced). For the past year he has been working on a photo documentary concentrating on single / custodial fathers households.

We would like to spread the word and support his project so please like this page and share this story from our Facebook page.

Purpose of The Project
The project will challenge the belief of fathers being incapable, unwilling, and or inadequate in performing responsibly, productively and lovingly as a single / custodial parent. I currently have 3 participants and need another 3 to 4 for a truly diverse look into these unconventional family structures. Attention will be given to the dedicated ability of these dads and their commitment to raising productive children and supplying a stable home on their own. The finished project will consist of a 110 page full color photo book. He is using Kickstarter to raise the funds to search for more dads through advertising, print and design of the book and setting up exhibitions of the final project.

Play the video introduction of this project below.

hero final version from DARREN BROWN on Vimeo.

Filed Under: Fathering, Parenting, Video

Dads Cafe Breakfast Menu

25/02/2013 By DO 2 Comments

This is what breakfast looked like at our house this morning. Every now and then using an A4 piece of paper I draw up a menu similar to the ones we get in a cafe and we all get to order what we would like to eat. It’s a bit of fun as kids love to role play games and you can pretend you are a waiter. I just include on the menu what is available in the fridge and pantry at the time.

Filed Under: Breakfast, Children, Dinner, Fathering, Kids Activities, Kids Activities, Lunch, Meals, Parenting

The Super Dad’s guide to a healthy kids birthday party

20/02/2013 By DO 2 Comments

The Super Dad’s Guide To A Healthy Kids Birthday Party

Kids birthday parties can sometimes end with belly aches, nausea and sugar lows that are not much fun for anyone involved. Try to avoid sending home the neighborhood children with these symptoms by following our healthy party tips!

Don’t bring all of the food out at once

Lollies and kids go hand in hand and they will always choose an unhealthy food option over a healthy one any day. When you throw a party, put out a range of nutritious food platters that are healthy and filling and once you think the children are sufficiently full, you can offer the lollies and treats.

Smart drink choices

Water is the healthiest drink choice for everybody but when attending a party, the kids want something a little more tasty. Instead of juice, soft drink and cordial which are full of sugar, make them some slushies and smoothies using real fruit. You could even decorate the cups with a pineapple wedge or a strawberry for an extra special touch.

What to serve

It takes very little effort to provide tasty food that is both healthy and filling. A platter of sandwiches with a variety of fillings such as chicken and mayonnaise, egg and lettuce and ham and cheese are likely to satisfy everyones tastebuds. If you were thinking of doing hot food, mini pizzas with ham, cheese and pineapple are sure to please. Fruit sticks are a fun way to serve fruit. Thread watermelon, rockmelon, kiwi fruit and pineapple onto popsicle sticks. Add a marshmallow to each one as a surprise treat. For a final healthy treat idea, jelly cups with real fruit not only looks delicious but I’m sure your guests will think they taste great too.

Going natural

Where you can, go natural! Even though naturally flavoured lollies and chips still have a high sugar and fat content, you will be eliminating artificial colouring and flavouring which a lot of children have allergic reactions to and it can also affect their behaviour. The great thing about choosing these products is that they are usually free of preservatives too.

Swap the lolly bag for a treat bag

Instead of giving the kids lollies to take home, swap them for special treats. Bubbles, balloons, pencils, rubbers, stickers, toy cars, costume jewellery and temporary tattoos all make great treat bag ideas.

Have an sporty party

The choices for active parties these days are endless. You can have gymnastics parties, soccer parties, ten pin bowling parties and the any of your favourite sports team as theme. So even if the kids have had some sugary food during the party, they will well and truly burn it off before they go home.

At your next kid’s birthday party, try a few of the above ideas and see what a difference it makes. The only other important thing to remember is to send your party invitations out in time for the birthday bash.

Guest written by Mike Cutcliffe

Mike prides himself as a ‘super dad’ being a stay-at-home father of 3 boys while running his home-based IT business. He has recently held a 10th birthday party for his son and got everyone to dress as their favourite sports stars.

Filed Under: Fathering, Kids Activities, Meals, Parenting, Parties, Some Fun

Are kids more successful in school when parents take an active interest in their homework?

17/09/2012 By DO 2 Comments

dad taking an interest in your kids homework There is a lot of debate on whether kids have too much homework these days. Teachers say the idea of homework is not just for revision and continual learning after hours but to prepare them for when they get into year 11 and 12 or even Uni. It’s preparation, so that study is not so much of a shock and they have learned skill around how to actually do it. The question I have heard recently is – are kids more successful in school when parents take an active interest in their homework — it shows kids that what they do is important.

If you kids are anything like mine, it is a constant struggle to get them to concentrate on any homework at home. I do all the right things like switching off the TV, create an environment that is non distracting and still they don’t care much for it. It could be because they have had enough of the work during the day? who knows, but there is homework to be done, so we get it done with as little upset as possible.

Of course, helping with homework shouldn’t mean spending hours hunched over a desk. The idea is that we as dads are supportive by demonstrating study and organization skills, explaining a tricky problem, or just encouraging kids to take a break. And who knows? We might even learn a thing or two! 🙂

Here are some homework tips to guide the way:

Know the teachers — and what they’re looking for. Attend school events, such as parent-teacher nights (arrange a separate meeting if you can’t attend together), to meet your child’s teachers. Ask about their homework policies and how you should be involved.
Set up a homework-friendly area. Make sure kids have a well-lit place to complete homework. Keep supplies — paper, pencils, glue, scissors — within reach.
Schedule a regular study time. Some kids work best in the afternoon, following a snack and play period; others may prefer to wait until after dinner.
Help them make a plan. On heavy homework nights or when there’s an especially hefty assignment to tackle, encourage your child break up the work into manageable chunks. Create a work schedule for the night if necessary — and take time for a 15-minute break every hour, if possible.
Keep distractions to a minimum. This means no TV, loud music, or phone calls. (Occasionally, though, a phone call to a classmate about an assignment can be helpful.)
Make sure kids do their own work. They won’t learn if they don’t think for themselves and make their own mistakes. We can make suggestions and help with directions. But it’s a kid’s job to do the learning.
Be a motivator and monitor. Ask about assignments, quizzes, and tests. Give encouragement, check completed homework, and make yourself available for questions and concerns.
Set a good example. Do your kids ever see you diligently balancing your budget or reading a book? Kids are more likely to follow our examples than our advice.
Praise their work and efforts. Post good results or an art project on the refrigerator. Mention academic achievements to relatives.
If there are continuing problems with homework, get help. Talk about it with your child’s teacher. Some kids have trouble seeing the board and may need glasses; others might need an evaluation for a learning problem or attention disorder. It’s very common for kids to have special learning teachers visit them and help with reading, spelling or maths. Most schools provide this service free of charge.

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Home work

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development

26/08/2012 By DO Leave a Comment

A fathers love Father’s Day is fast approaching. Few more days to go and we will be celebrating this day with overwhelming gratitude for our dads.

In a half-century study involving over 10,000 people from around the world, researchers from the University of Connecticut found that a fatherly love contributes as much, and sometimes more, to a child’s personality and development, as that of a motherly child.

Parental acceptance and why it’s so important

The researchers looked at 36 studies from various nations about how parental rejection affects a child’s personality and its development until adulthood. The studies were based on surveys that aimed to measure the parent’s degree of rejection or acceptance of their children. Rohner and Abdul Khaleque, study authors, found that children who have experienced parental rejection tend to become more anxious and insecure, and sometimes more aggressive and hostile towards other people as they grow up. This makes it more difficult for them to stay away from the cycle and become better parents. These adults are also less likely to form a secured and trusting relationship with their partners.

The feeling or rejection or acceptance is crucial to one’s personality development. According to Rohner, there’s emerging scientific evidence that reveals that there are parts of the brain that are activated when people experience physical pain and these regions are also activated when a person feels rejected. But the good thing is – people can revive this emotional pain over and over again, he pointed out.

Fatherly Love vs. Motherly Love

The researchers also studied the degree of impact of a father’s rejection or acceptance as compared to that of the mother’s. Based on their analysis of the 36 studies, Rohner and Khaleque found that the influence of a father is oftentimes much greater as compared to the influence of the mother. A group of experts working on the International Father Acceptance Rejection Project has one explanation for this. According to them, children and young adults tend to pay more attention to the parent which is perceived to be having a higher authority. So if the child perceives his father to be of a higher authority, that child’s behaviour is more likely to be influenced by his dad. More scientific investigations are needed to support this claim though.

An important realisation from this research, as explained by Rohner is this: fatherly love is critical to a person’s development. Knowing this would help motivate men to become more involved in rearing their children. Furthermore, these findings will reduce the society’s ‘mother blaming’ attitude which is most observed in schools and clinical environments as more people realise that daddies, do have a major role to play too in developing a child’s personality.

Their findings were published in the Journal of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology.

Source of this article:

A Father’s Love is One of the Greatest Influences on Personality Development, Society for Personality and Social Psychology

Filed Under: Children, Dads Health, Fathering, Kids Health

Helping our kids deal with stress

25/08/2012 By DO 1 Comment

To adults, childhood can seem like a carefree time. But kids still experience stress. Things like school and social life can sometimes create pressures that can feel overwhelming for kids. As a dad, you can’t protect your kids from stress — but you can help them develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

Kids deal with stress in both healthy and unhealthy ways. A study conducted by KidsHealth revealed they may not initiate a conversation about what’s bothering them, kids do want their parents to reach out and help them cope with their troubles.

But it’s not always easy for parents to know what to do for a child whose feeling stressed.

Here are a few ideas:

Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something’s bothering him or her. If you can, name the feeling you think your child is experiencing. (“It seems like you’re still mad about what happened at the playground.”) This shouldn’t sound like an accusation (as in, “OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?”) or put a child on the spot. It’s just a casual observation that you’re interested in hearing more about your child’s concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

Listen to your child. Ask your child to tell you what’s wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think your child should have done instead. The idea is to let your child’s concerns (and feelings) be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like “And then what happened?” Take your time. And let your child take his or her time, too.

Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say “That must have been upsetting,” “No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn’t let you in the game,” or “That must have seemed unfair to you.” Doing this shows that you understand what your child felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to helps your child feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.

Put a label on it. Many kids do not yet have words for their feelings. If your child seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him or her learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps kids communicate and develop emotional awareness — the ability to recognize their own emotional states. Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioural boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviours rather than communicated with words.

Help your child think of things to do. If there’s a specific problem that’s causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your child to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don’t do all the work. Your child’s active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, “How do you think this will work?”

Listen and move on. Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that’s needed to help a child’s frustrations begin to melt away. Afterwards, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your child think of something to do to feel better. Don’t give the problem more attention than it deserves.

Limit stress where possible. If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things. For instance, if too many after-school activities consistently cause homework stress, it might be necessary to limit activities to leave time and energy for homework.

Just be there. Kids don’t always feel like talking about what’s bothering them. Sometimes that’s OK. Let your kids know you’ll be there when they do feel like talking. Even when kids don’t want to talk, they usually don’t want parents to leave them alone. You can help your child feel better just by being there — keeping him or her company, spending time together. So if you notice that your child seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day — but doesn’t feel like talking — initiate something you can do together. Take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some baskets, or make a meal together. Isn’t it nice to know that your presence really counts?

Be patient. As a dad, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping your child, slowly but surely, grow into a good problem-solver — a kid who knows how to roll with life’s ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again.

Parents can’t solve every problem as kids go through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you’ll prepare your kids to manage the stresses that come in the future.

Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD, Information courtesy of KidsHealth

Filed Under: Children, Fathering, Kids Health

Girl stuff for dads

26/07/2012 By DO Leave a Comment

At some point in time it is going to be necessary to understand what’s happening to your daughter as she moves from being a girl to becoming a teenager and woman. Knowledge on these changes will help you stay connected and understand what she is experiencing. You will also not be left out of the conversations.

Puberty and Periods
Menstruation (a period) is a major stage of puberty in girls; it’s one of the many physical signs that a girl is turning into a woman.

And like a lot of the other changes associated with puberty, menstruation can be confusing. Some girls can’t wait to start their periods, whereas others may feel afraid or anxious. Many girls (and guys!) don’t have a complete understanding of a woman’s reproductive system or what actually happens during the menstrual cycle, making the process seem even more mysterious.

When girls begin to go through puberty (usually starting between the ages of 8 and 13), their bodies and minds change in many ways. The hormones in their bodies stimulate new physical development, such as growth and breast development. About 2 to 2½ years after a girl’s breasts begin to develop, she usually gets her first menstrual period.

About 6 months or so before getting her first period, a girl might notice an increased amount of clear vaginal discharge. This discharge is common. There’s no need for a girl to worry about discharge unless it has a strong odor or causes itchiness.

The start of periods is known as menarche. Menarche doesn’t happen until all the parts of a girl’s reproductive system have matured and are working together.

How Often Does a Girl Get Her Period?
Just as some girls begin puberty earlier or later than others, the same applies to periods. Some girls may start menstruating as early as age 10, but others may not get their first period until they are 15 years old.

The amount of time between a girl’s periods is called her menstrual cycle (the cycle is counted from the start of one period to the start of the next). Some girls will find that their menstrual cycle lasts 28 days, whereas others might have a 24-day cycle, a 30-day cycle, or even longer. Following menarche, menstrual cycles last 21-45 days. After a couple of years, cycles shorten to an adult length of 21-34 days.

Irregular periods are common in girls who are just beginning to menstruate. It may take the body a while to sort out all the changes going on, so a girl may have a 28-day cycle for 2 months, then miss a month, for example. Usually, after a year or two, the menstrual cycle will become more regular. Some women continue to have irregular periods into adulthood, though.

As a girl gets older and her periods settle down — or she gets more used to her own unique cycle — she will probably find that she can predict when her period will come. In the meantime, it’s a good idea to keep track of your menstrual cycle with a calendar.

How Long and How Much?

The amount of time that a girl has her period also can vary. Some girls have periods that last just 2 or 3 days. Other girls may have periods that last 7 days. The menstrual flow — meaning how much blood comes out of the vagina — can vary widely from girl to girl, too.

Some girls may be concerned that they’re losing too much blood. It can be a shock to see all that blood, but it’s unlikely that a girl will lose too much, unless she has a medical condition like von Willebrand disease. Though it may look like a lot, the average amount of blood is only about 2 tablespoons (30 milliliters) for an entire period. Most teens will change pads 3 to 6 times a day, with more frequent changes when their period is heaviest, usually at the start of the period.

Especially when menstrual periods are new, you may be worried about your blood flow or whether your period is normal in other ways. Talk to a doctor or nurse if:

your period lasts longer than a week
you have to change your pad very often (soaking more than one pad every 1-2 hours)
you go longer than 3 months between periods
you have bleeding in between periods
you have an unusual amount of pain before or during your period
your periods were regular then became irregular

Cramps

Some girls may notice physical or emotional changes around the time of their periods. Menstrual cramps are pretty common — in fact, more than half of all women who menstruate say they have cramps during the first few days of their periods. Doctors think that cramps are caused by prostaglandin, a chemical that causes the muscles of the uterus to contract.

Depending on the girl, menstrual cramps can be dull and achy or sharp and intense, and they can sometimes be felt in the back as well as the abdomen. These cramps often become less uncomfortable and sometimes even disappear completely as a girl gets older.

Many girls and women find that over-the-counter pain medications (like acetaminophen or ibuprofen) can relieve cramps, as can taking a warm bath or applying a warm heating pad to the lower abdomen. Exercising regularly throughout the monthly cycle may help lessen cramps, too. If these things don’t help, ask your doctor for advice.

Content provided by Kids Health