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3 Animated films that your kids will love

kids blue ray movie

Ah, the holidays. I remember when I used to look forward to the final toll of the school year, a piercing buzz that permeated every hall, vibrating in my head as I flew out of the gates. Freedom. As my niece dives into my movie collection, and fires up my LG Blu Ray I am reminded of this youthful enthusiasm and the loss of freedom. I am beginning to understand why adults slide down on the couch to watch Toy Story for the 12th time; the characters and in-jokes are the closest we’ll come to regaining our childhood. Sweet nostalgia. Sadly, Woody and Buzz are no longer a new deal (though they still seem to be a big deal), and there are new contenders entering an increasingly pixelated ring, re-defining the term animation. No longer cells drawn on slips of paper and flicked for fast motion, computers have rendered a new age of kidult entertainment.

Cars

Initially released in 2006, the story of Lightning McQueen has lasted the distance and beaten the field several times over, as young crowds are ever attracted to the charms and warmth of a smiling, red car. Radiator Springs is a peaceful town of community minded vehicles, going about their business and generally living life, McQueen wants to be someone else, somewhere else, representing youthful enthusiasm and the power of dreams. Striving for the Piston Cup, his ambition takes him and his mates (Mater, Sally and Doc) on an unforgettable adventure, where he experience a host of emotions and experiences that will change his core group forever. Masterfully written, the script appeals to kids and adults, loaded with humour and moral messages without saturating a good thing. And my patience.

Epic

A lesson in imagination and adventure, Epic follows the tale of a grieving teenager, as she struggles to come to grips with her Mum’s death and her Dad’s eccentricities. MK has never believed in her the hair-brained concepts of her father, preferring to believe he’s been taking too many happy pills than admitting to the likelihood of magical little people flying around on bird and insect-back, but oh wait, he’s right. Not only is MK confronted with their microscopic existence, she is literally shrunk down to their level and suddenly caught up in the ultimate adventure, a battle for life and light over darkness and death. Visually arresting, you’ll fall in love with Epic within the first five minutes. And my niece? The phrase again, again, again comes to mind.

Turbo

The usual little guy faces impossible odds formula is rejuvenated by Turbo, a garden snail saga about speed, ambition and following your dreams, even when they seem ridiculously impossible. Theo is a garden snail, tiring of a life exceedingly ordinary, ill-suited to the slow pace of his community. After a series of random events, Theo becomes a social media sensation, attracting the notice of racing hero Guy Gagné. At the end of the movie, you’ll be pondering the dynamics of family, the preciousness of friends and the unpredictability of fate, as everything unravels and comes together unexpectedly (or expectedly, as it’s a Pixar movie).

What are some of your childhood favourites? Are you a Disney purist or Pixar enthusiast? Let us know in the comments below.

What if the kids want to cut their visit short

If there is something upsetting your child, it helps if you have a cooperative ex spouse. They can assist you with explaining to your child that we have agreed that there is time spend with both mum and dad and it is your time with your dad now.  If your ex is hostile, they will probably make the situation worse by sympathizing with your child.

Your response to your child is important when they say “I want to go back to mum house”.

I would start by asking “what is wrong” and lets talk about it and try and resolve it. If it is just because you have disciplined them for being naughty, then the conversation could be more “I understand your not happy because I told you off but going home to your mums is not the answer”.

You could say that that your mum and I have agreed that in times like these going home is not an option. If they persist, a response can be “Going home whenever we have an issue is not how we solve things, let talk about it and work it out.

Loosing your temper will not help, If you feel upset, just say we will talk about this in a little while when both of us have calmed down. If it is because your child misses their mother, then maybe a suggestion to call and say hello. It would never be ok for you to accuse your child of loving their mother more.  It is not about that, they will probably be young and just simply missing the other parent.

A walk or an activity can always be a good distraction, keep busy with a bike ride or get a basketball and shoot some baskets down at the local court? You might even suggest that next time they should bring a photo of their mother so they can have it on there shelf.

You could also provide an activity for them – to make something special for their mum. Bunnings kids activitiesBunnings have quiet a few children’s  activity classes for kids over the age of 5 and you must accompany them. It would be worth checking out your nearest store for their times and taking your child along to make something for their mum. You can see more information here

Try your best to be understanding and compassionate, nothing will get resolved if you stand firm and say you are staying here hail rain or shine. Planning in advance to have one of their friends over for a play can help or arranging to drop your child at their friends house for  couple of hours can make them feel happy and that you understand their life needs to continue as normal as possible. I bet when you pick them up they will be happy that you provided the play date.

If you know people in your neighborhood with similar aged kids, it might be worthwhile in getting to know them so that you can do joint activities. There is a great group called Single Parent Active Kids they organise activities for single parents (for both mums and dads) to get together with kids and share fun activities, definitely worth checking it out, I have a post on them here: https://www.dadsonline.com.au/single-parents-active-kids

Making the most of school holidays

Torquay Back BeachSeptember School Holidays are a great time to get away, particularly the second week as everywhere is a little quieter. I first checked with my daughters mum that she didn’t have any existing plans.  It is never a problem unless there is something already locked into her calendar. Whenever I plan a trip away I always get in early with plenty of notice. I have also locked out a long weekend in February (not my normal weekend) but because I plan ahead and have given plenty of notice it’s not a problem,  I am also happy to reciprocate if requested.

These school holidays we have gone to Torquay in Victoria. Its on the west coast and known for its surfing, they hold the rip curl Easter surfing pro events at Bells Beach. I booked in advance the sea-view cabins at the Torquay foreshore caravan park. I booked online after seeing a friend’s Facebook posts that looked so good.
Torquay foreshore seaview cabinsWhen I arrived I found there were premium positioned cabins and then the other cabins. I was allocated to the “other” cabins. Still in the same area but not absolute beach front which is what I was expecting. There was also the promise of BBQ’s provided on each cabin balcony (as per the online photos), however, there were no BBQ’s…  I went to reception and queried this and they said they just took them off the balconies because of the rust and maintenance required?

They said we could use the communal BBQ’s? But there is a big difference in my mind between private and communal.

With all of this being a bit disappointing on our arrival, I chose to practice what I preach “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it” so I sucked it up and got onto having a good time – one on one with my daughter.

bike riding torquayWe brought our bicycles with us and rode along the beach track and into the main township. We also went for walks, lounged around watching TV and playing iPad Scrabble. I could not believe that my daughter was triple my word score until i caught her using the “best word” button 🙂

Torquay back beach cafeFound the best cafe located right on the back beach where each day we walked to get a latte and hot chocolate Mmmm.

The weather has been wild, I thought the roof was going to blow off from the high winds . On the first night, my daughter called out in the middle of the night to tell me she was scared (I don’t blame her, it was very loud). We have enjoyed the time together just stopping for a week and spending quality time without the pressures of work and busy schedule. Would recommend it to anyone.

Tips for Helping Your Kids Decorate Their Room

Tips for Helping Your Kids Decorate Their RoomWhen it’s time to redecorate a kid’s room the most important thing to keep in mind is their tastes. Let your kids lead too demonstrate that their ideas have value, make the experience more fun, teach decorating skills and increase their appreciation of the final product. That doesn’t mean you can’t guide them, don’t over rule every decision they make.

Establish a Budget
There’s a budget for everything. Depending on your kids’ age, turn this project into a learning experience by telling them upfront what they’re able to spend and helping them learn how to spend the funds and still create a space that fits their ideas. This is a valuable skill that will serve them the rest of their lives. And they won’t even realize they’re learning something.

Choose a Theme
Choosing a theme can be very easy or very hard. If two or more kids are sharing a room, it can be especially difficulty to negotiate what the room is going to look like and who gets a say about what. Bunkers can make it a easier, effectively giving each child his or her own space. You could also break up the room by splitting it in half, letting them each decorate two walls or having a neutral space or colour on two walls and giving them one wall each to decorate. Or you could force them to come to an agreement.

Themes vary depending on your kids and their interests. If they’re having trouble coming up with ideas, suggest some of your own, or if they want too many things, suggest ways to narrow it. Possible themes include:

  • Sports
  • Princesses
  • Superheroes
  • Ships
  • Jungle Animals
  • Dinosaurs
  • Butterflies

Give the Theme Life
Based on the budget you’ve established, help them come up with ways that they can make their theme stand out in the room.

For instance, discuss what to do with the walls. Will you use paint? Wallpaper? Wall decals? Pictures and posters? What about the bed? Can you incorporate the theme into the bedspread? Into the pillows or sheets? What about the bed frame? Could you turn loft beds into a 2-deck ship or a tree house, with a nook for sleeping above and a place to do homework below?

For a lower budget, pictures can enhance a wall that’s painted in a favourite colour. Allow the kids to choose the colour and encourage them to have help with painting.

Keep it Functional
A solid theme doesn’t matter if there isn’t room for their things. Spruce up their old furniture with spray paint, find new pieces or visit a second hand store. Beds with storage space beneath them are also a good choice. Arrange the closet so it’s organized and holds more. Listen to their suggestions and try to incorporate them.

Helping kids decorate their bedroom doesn’t have to be difficult. It simply takes a bit of ingenuity and some creative ideas.

My family travel experience as a sole parent

Surin BeachTravelling for me (as a sole parent) has been something that has provided an enormous amount of pleasure for my daughter and I.

We can now share memories and life experiences across a myriad of destinations.

Together we have travelled to Bali, Thailand, Fiji , Perth as well as many local destinations like Hamilton Island, Gold Coast and Angelsea on the west coast of Victoria.

All locations were great and offered something special in their own way.  I felt Bali was like a small friendly community; Fiji was good if you just want to relax and hangout by the hotel pool and Thailand (Phuket) had better roads, infrastructure and amenities and the people were so warm and friendly.

If I had to choose one (1) destination for a single parent I would recommend Phuket in Thailand.

Our holiday in Phuket…

It was Christmas time and I’d planned for 6 months, I had been told that you may find it difficult to find accommodation if you dont book early.

First things was to find flights and accommodation, I used tripadvisor.com.au it was so easy, in fact the easiest part of the holiday. You can read reviews and make your own mind up on accommodation, restaurants and attractions within the area.

Buskorn wing of holiday inn phuketI chose the Buskorn wing at the Holiday Inn Phuket and flew with Jetstar.  I purchased the inflight entertainment prior to boarding as if you don’t pre book you can miss out (it’s a long flight without a movie or two)

 

dad and daughter time togetherI may have over spent on the accommodation but there are no regrets…. it was an incredible time for a dad and daughter! Buskorn wing at The Holiday Inn is a private part of the hotel, simply divine, relaxing and pure luxury.  I felt like it was not just a holiday for my daughter but a treat for myself too.

thailand motorcycle hireWe hired a motorbike and searched for great spots such as Surin beach.  My daughter is a little bit of a fussy eater; I found that Phuket had many suitable styles of cuisine i.e Italian, Mexican, Indian, Western etc. 

It definitely made meal times easier, I only had to convince her that it was clean and the food was within the ‘use by date’ 🙂

After dinner we would walk along the shopping strip, buy an ice cream, find a lantern seller on the beach and let our lantern go into the night sky while holding hands and making a wish.

thailand foot massageAfter a well earned foot massage we would retire to the hotel around 11pm then wake up to do it all again.

We had a morning ritual of breakfast in the poolside restaurant then an hour or so by the pool before heading out and sightseeing around Thailand.

thailand feeding elephantsWe found fun things to do like elephant riding through the jungle and jet skiing at Surin beach.

Hiring a banana lounge on the beach under a shady umbrella is around $2.50 AUD per day.  Loving it so much we went back 3 days in a row!!! 

There was a surin beach market foodmarket at the entrance of the beach selling fresh fruit and cold drinks, which made healthy snacking easy.

Time went quickly, we had 10 wonderful days together.  Skype was set up on my phone and her mum’s so they could keep in touch each day.

The flight home was easy, we tried to sleep or relax the whole journey.  I made sure we had the required things to keep her busy or relaxed for 9 hours, i.e pillow, Jetstar Video player, IPad, colouring book and pencils.  The IPod with her favorite songs was a winner, she was able to stretch out across me and relax.  I cant wait to continue our adventures this year, we have a local trip in Victoria planned for the next school holidays…..

Travelling with children: on a road trip

traveling with childrenAnyone with young children will know that whilst holidays are a fantastic opportunity to ‘get away from it all’ and spend quality time together.  Sometimes the stress of the journey to get there can make you question whether it’s worth all the effort!

Car journeys become arduous tasks filled with cries of ‘are we nearly there yet’ and numerous toilet stops, and travelling by public transport can be an embarrassing experience, particularly if your children take a liking (or dislike) any of your fellow passengers.

Here is a handy guide to keeping your little ones happy and content during the journey to and from your destination:

Communication

Taking the time to talk to your children about where you’re going before you set off is a great idea.  Explain to them in simple terms how long the journey is likely to take (for example, it’s a little bit further than grandpa’s house).  If they’re old enough, show them a map of where you’re going and talk about the journey, and some of the sights they’re likely to see during the journey.

In Car Entertainment

Children have a very short attention span so having a few interactive and interesting games up your sleeve to play during the journey is essential.  Traditional games like eye spy and the number plate game are still popular, but be creative!  Why not all take it turns to make up part of a story, or play a guessing game – the list is endless.

Alternatively, on-board DVD players and handheld games consoles offer a good way to keep little ones happy and content.  CD’s of your children’s favourite stories are also popular ways to keep both children, and parents calm and entertained.

Keep Refreshed

One of the most common complaints from children when travelling is that they are either hungry or thirsty.  Stopping at service stations to re-fuel can work out costly, and you will then often be limited to sugary snacks and drinks that wont help to keep your children calm!

Fill a box with healthy snacks, such as bread sticks, fruit, cheese and flapjacks, and pack several bottles of water or fruit juice.  These should keep the hunger pains at bay.

Be Flexible

When you have children, gone are the days of having a set agenda where you leave the house, and reach your destination at a set time.  Children have their own agenda, and with all the best will in the world you need to be flexible to deal with the unexpected – or allow yourself lots of extra time. 

Being flexible and prepared should take the stress out of dealing with emergency or unforeseen situations.  Organising your insurance through a reputable and helpful company like Expedia means you’ll be covered should the unexpected happen.  

An Interview with Darren Lewis from Fathering Adventures.

darren lewis fatherhood adventuresIn this powerful interview Jonathan Doyle talks with Darren Lewis, founder of Fathering Adventures about his programs for boys, girls and their fathers. We learn about the incredible role that a father can play in the lives of sons and daughters and much more.

 

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE  INTERVIEW ON PODCAST.

TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to The Men We Need Podcast.  I have the huge pleasure this week of speaking to somebody that I have wanted to talk to for a long time, I have been an unashamed fan of his work because I think it’s absolutely crucial and you know in all the years that I have been working I feel this has been a missing link.  It’s not work that I do, but I think it’s crucial work.  So I am talking with Mr Darren Lewis who is the founder of ‘Fathering Adventures’.  So Darren welcome aboard.

DL:           Thanks Jonathan, it’s great to be speaking with you also.

JD:            And you live in a tough part of the world mate – where are you based?

DL:           Based in Townsville in North, in tropical [h] North Queensland.

JD:            [h] Tropical North Queensland where if it swims, flies, slithers or crawls it can kill you.

DL:           Er, pretty much, pretty much[h]. 

JD:            [h] So I’m excited to talk to you; there’s a lot we’re going to go through.  So let’s just begin telling us a little bit about, just give us a quick synopsis of what Fathering Adventures does.  What happens?

DL:           Sure.  Well look you know, through Fathering Adventures what we do is we provide opportunities for Dads to have some wins – you know it’s really important for a man to have some wins under his belt.  You know a man’s greatest fear is failure and quite often most men feel like failures in the home – as husbands, as fathers – and so we want to, we want to do our best to be able to really equip them and empower them to go about their roles in the best way that they possibly can.  So we provide basically opportunity, that’s really all it is, it’s an invitation, it’s opportunities for men to come, to bring their sons or their daughters and to experience some incredible memory-making moments together.  And it’s so much more than that; I mean there’s a real process involved in regards to where we want to take them.  But initially, first and foremost it’s all about relationship, you know it’s about…relationship is foundational to everything else and so everything that we do involves relationship and enhancing relationship.  Whether the relationships are good or not, you know, we want to sort of move them towards the greater end of the spectrum, and then secondly we really sort of value the importance of raising our boys to be young men and eventually authentic men and so we provide a process on you know, so that their dads within their community of men can usher them and guide them through that process. 

JD:            So of all the things you could have done in the world – astronaut, brain surgeon [h] you know, Formula One driver, you did this.  Why? 

DL:           Well I didn’t start off doing this and it’s interesting actually – what…something we do with the family is we sit around the dinner table at night and we each ask – one person each night – we each ask one another a question, it can be anything, and one of the questions that one of my boys asked one night was simply [h] that, you know, what’s your dream job and um….look that, this, what I’m doing right now – except for the financial elements you know, lacking there[h], is this is my dream job.  So I guess I started off following in my father’s footsteps really to be honest with you.  So he was in the construction industry, from a practical standpoint, he was a rigger and was involved in erecting a lot of steel-frame buildings and so forth, and I…I, you know, it’s in the heart of every boy, of every girl, of every child to really connect with their father and, and I subconsciously, unknowingly sort of wanted to obviously connect with my dad and so I sort of followed him into the industry.  I was more in the planning and proposal sort of the design aspects of the construction industry but that was actually a link where we were able to connect.  But moving into Fathering Adventures I mean I guess there’s a number of reasons.  Number one I came to recognise for myself just how much I lacked not having a relationship with my father and him being quite absent as a workaholic, um, as an alcoholic and so I guess I wanted more for myself, I wanted more for my children, I wanted more for our society and um,…and it’s such a huge, you know this…it’s such a weighty topic.  So between that, and another thing that really challenged me was this obscure ancient Chinese proverb that says ‘If you want to be happy for an hour take a nap, if you want to be happy for a day go fishing, if you want to be happy for a year inherit a fortune and if you want to be happy for a lifetime help someone else succeed’.  And I guess for me, my desire was to help as many people succeed as possible and through my counseling days, I mean we did a lot of counseling – for probably over a dozen years, of men and women – and one of the core things we kept finding, you know probably 99% of the cases, was the fathers absence or the father’s brutality in some way.  There was something, something went wrong, there was some kind of dysfunction in regards to that man and that woman’s relationship with their father when they were younger.  And so when I looked out there I realised well, there’s actually nobody else…there’s nobody out there – or very few people that I came across – who were actually doing too much to prevent the symptoms.  And so I guess that was my desire, I just sort of thought well I want to help as many people succeed and I am really able to best do that if I can help fathers. 

JD:            Oh yeah.  Well you’ve raised, I’ve been taking notes and I’ve planned about 15 podcasts with you already[h].  But I like, you mention about following your father and often when I was doing seminars I’d share the story of reading the recent biography by Hank Haney who was Tiger Woods’ coach and he shares this amazing story where, you know ‘cos Hank Haney would be with Tiger all the time, and there was this obscure piece of information that people didn’t know, which was at the peak of his career Tiger Woods got a very bad knee injury and you know it was sort of almost going to be career-ending and nobody knew how it happened.  But what he reveals in the biography is that you know, almost every weekend that he wasn’t playing golf Tiger was training with the US Navy Seals.  He had all these connections and he was training with the Seals and the other thing that he’d do is, you know sitting around the mansion when they had down-time, you know Tiger would plug into playing US Navy Seals on PlayStation and play it for eight hours at a time – this amazing behaviour.  And then, you know Haney just draws the conclusion, or he doesn’t really draw the conclusion, I sort of joined the dots differently, but you know what did Tiger Woods’ father do for a career?  You know he was a Colonel in the US Special Forces in Vietnam.  And it was just this, you know here is this person acting out, you know who had everything, but is acting out this chronic cry for validation.  And the other one is Michael Jordan who, you know arguably the greatest basketballer in history who walks away at the peak of his fame to play baseball, which coincidentally was the same sport his father was utterly obsessed with.

DL:           Right.

JD:            And it was just like so…  Tell us a little bit more about that; tell us about the cry of the heart – you mentioned before in your counseling work.  What is that?  What is this deep desire that is rarely articulated for the closeness, the affirmation, the love of the father?

DL:           Yeah look, it’s something that is essential for all of us; it’s such an incredibly deep-grown, this deep desire and as you say very few can articulate it ‘cos very few are aware of it.  But as you said though [h] you know, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, myself, you know?  And just it plays out right the way across our society, there is such a deep desire that exists there for Dad, especially in boys and men, for them to know that their dad loves them, that their dad is proud of them and that their dad is able to affirm them and validate them and say you know ‘You’re really good at these things, you know, you have what it takes’.  It’s that core question that every boy has, every young man, and every, you know, mature aged man has.  You know, do I have what it takes?  And you know, especially when we are younger the greatest masculine influence that we have is our biological father or our father figure, you know a significant male other, whoever it is that’s in our life in the absence of dad and so, you know, what he says about us and what he thinks about us really matters.  And it all happens at a very deep level that most of us are just not conscious of but it’s there, it’s there and it needs to be answered. 

JD:            It’s interesting you say that, you know, operative at a very deep level.  I mean reading that biography I was like here is a person acting out these sort of semi-bizarre fantasies and probably deeply unaware of what’s driving them.  But something you said at the start, I really liked how you talked about you know the opportunity for Dads to have some wins and I thought it was really powerful when you said that so many men, you know, feel like failures and it’s the great masculine fear isn’t it.  And um, so…tell us about that.  Why do you think so many men feel like failures? 

DL:           Well you know it comes down to this: there’s probably a whole bunch of reasons you know from the fact that we probably have failed at times and nobody’s kind of looked us in the eye, you know our dads didn’t look us in the eye and say ‘You did not fail’ you know to kind of reinterpret what had actually happened – that’s really important for a dad to do.  But there’s also, you know the idea of um, of just, er, with our failures – um actually I’ve just lost my train of thought there Jonathan…

JD:            I do that every time I make a good cup of tea or something and it sits in front of me during the podcast and I go, that was very good.  So look well give me a…let’s take a little tangent here, tell us a little bit about the process.  Tell us a little bit about, you know, obviously I reckon these dads must turn up, you know their kids, their sons or daughters will be like you know, what is this trap?[h]  So what’s that first dynamic like when they arrive and how do you sort of provide some opening reassurance?

DL:           Okay.  Jonathan, just before I respond to that question, that question actually reminded me of what I was going to say in the answer to your last question and it was simply this: that when you look at men and you know you listen to men and you see where they are strong at, most men feel strong in the workplace.  You know most people, most men will gravitate there and you have to ask here the question why is that?  And I just, I firmly believe that it’s because that’s where we receive our training, our instruction.  You know that’s…we go to university or we you know do an apprenticeship, we get the on-the-ground sort of training and in regards to our social roles as husbands and as fathers – we don’t get that training.  You know it’s, for the most part it’s been um, you know unavailable to us.  You know when our babies are born they don’t kind of come out holding this manual to sort of say okay this is everything you need to know to raise me.  And so, you know we kind of default to where our own dads – most men do – default to where our own dads failed, or we react to it and so, and you know the common cry of men’s hearts that I hear with the dads who come along on our adventures is they say these two things.  They say, you know I believe that I’ve been a really good financial provider and I have been a very good disciplinarian; I’ve taken on those parts of that role really well and the reason why I’ve done that is because that’s what my dad did, that’s what he offered.  And one of the things that they walk away with is they go ‘Wow’ you know, like ‘You’ve just opened my mind up to so much more about my role and it’s stuff that I actually get really enthused about now, you know, this is something I’m excited about, something that I’m going to be implementing, and you know I love this why wasn’t I told this earlier?’  So I think that kind of, I think that’s the response to that first question.  As far as the second question goes, look we, we kind of…when people turn up you know they’re…it’s possible that there’s a bit of awkwardness… you know we don’t, we typically don’t do that ‘cos I build some relationship before, with the dads before they come, at least between myself and them.  I feel as thought they can get to know me on the lead up to those adventures.  Um and then we really kind of, we really kick it off… the very first thing we do to be honest unless we’re somewhere that needs to provide some kind of a site induction, is we’ll play a film clip, some kind of funny film clip in regards to a father and a son or a father and a daughter or something along those lines, and something that will get them laughing, something that will shock them, something that they will sort of think well this…you know ‘Wow, if this is where we are going I can dig this’ you know ‘this is fine’.  And so it’ll get them laughing and I’ll get up there right away and I sort of say guys, you know I showed that clip for two reasons; number one because we’re here to have fun.  And so it just kind of disarms all of the thoughts that could be going through their minds of what’s this all about, what’s gonna happen here and am I going to be kind of…is he going to shine the light in on me and kind of expose me, and you know it sort of addresses all those fears and concerns that a lot of men have.  So we simply sort of say it, we say you know at the end of this weekend or at the end of this week, you know one of the things that’s really important to us is that you can walk away and know that you have had an extremely fun and enjoyable, exciting time with us.  So you find that…you know and that’s one of the reasons why we really involved adventure.  You know there’s a whole bunch of reasons why we’ve involved adventure but for number one is it’s just, once again it’s one of those [.? 14:34] of a man’s heart to engage in some kind of adventure.  And so when you kind of throw out the, the, you know the carrot, the bait, the lure of hey come and have some fun with your son or your daughter, we’re going to organise it all for you, um you know you just find that men really respond to that.  And they’re just like ‘Wow, yeah I’d love to do that, I’ve thought of doing it but…

JD:            It’s a crucial point isn’t it?  I spoke at the World Congress of Families on the weekend and I was dealing with the light and airy topic of pornography addiction in marriage and um [h] you know one of the things I said about you know helping men, you know you’ve got to build a whole big structure about helping men recover from that addiction but I said one of them is fun.  Like I said to this big audience, I said to the men you know, ‘When was the last time you had genuine, outrageous fun?’  You know?  I mean I am lucky, I play golf every day so I’ve ticked that box [h], but I’m just like, all these guys, you could just see all these men from like 17 to 70 sort of going, ‘Ah, yeah, yeah’.  And so this need for adventure, I mean John Eldredge writes powerfully about it, but tell us what do you guys do, what sort of things do you get up to?

DL:           Well it depends on where we are at.  It depends on… on the ages of the children.  You know for our younger age-group, ages sort of 7 through to 13 and their dads – or significant male others – we kind of keep the…we want to make it as affordable as possible, so we more or less introduce them to adventure.  So during our weekends there’ll be a half-day you know professionally-guided group outdoor adventure where all the fathers and sons or dad and daughters can get in together and just share that common experience and adventure together and really build relationships amongst those pairs.  So that can be anything like sea kayaking, canoeing down a river system, high ropes, horse-riding, you know and that obviously depends on our locations.  And we want to keep them, you know we want to keep those kind of tame to suit you know that age-group?  [JD: Yep]  And also, you know mums who are kind of releasing their children um, you know we don’t want to frighten them and we want to put their minds at ease, so what we do is really, you know there’s an element of minor risk, but it’s quite risk free.  With our five-night adventures and our four-night adventures we kind of up the ante somewhat because once again, especially with our four and five-night father/son adventures that whole idea of a boy needing to be tested and challenged in his, you know in his journey, and in the process of him moving from boyhood into manhood and discovering that he does have what it takes – you know the adventures are a little bit more um, er risky, and hard.  And I mean there’s nothing that’s necessarily life-threatening but you know, it’s things like white-water rafting down the Tully River with grade 3 and 4 rapids.  You know there’s sea kayaking between Mission Beach and Dunk Island, we go out on to the reef – that’s probably not quite as risky, although for some just getting out to the reef can be quite a process.  Some can get sea-sick and er, so we go out to the reef and we do snorkeling and some decide to take on the optional extra of doing some scuba-diving out there as that extra sort of challenge.

JD:            There’s so much going on listening to that.  Like I’m sitting here going I wish my four year-old would hurry up and grow up so I could come out[h] but actually I take him out on the golf course; it’s really cute, I just bought ‘em both – I’ve got three little ones – but I just bought my daughter, my five year-old daughter her first set of clubs.  But listening to you I’m reminded of, you know some listeners would know Robert Bly who’s kind of seen as the grandfather of the men’s movement and there’s a line in that book Iron John where he talks about you know that, fathers and sons throughout most of history lived in you know incredible proximity and he actually uses the term ‘murderously close at times’.  And listening to you I think just that experience of fathers and sons and yes, daughters obviously too, but you know just that physical closeness, that tactile being with.  You know because for so many boys, dad may not be around, dad works away so often or dad’s exhausted when he gets home; you know there’s just not that, that physical level of engagement is there?

DL:           No, absolutely.  And that’s so important you know when our kids grow up so quickly, and you know we do have to ask ourselves the question of what are they going to leave home with and what sense of you know real, genuine masculinity are they leaving with?  And what kind of memories are they going to leave with?  What are their memories of me as their father? And what kind of experiences have we shared?  And you’re right, you know we live in a world that’s so incredibly fast-paced, so incredibly busy, and I think a lot of us have just been caught up into that.  It’s a very sort of easy snare to sort of get trapped in.  And yeah look, we want to once again provide those opportunities.  So it just really seals the memory.  But there’s so much more that sort of takes place.  Because it’s not just the act or adventure, it’s not just excitement…/

JD:            No, it’s not and let’s talk about that ‘cos that’s been on my mind.  Like reveal as much or as little as you want.  I’ve had a friend – some listeners would know the inimitable Robert Falzon, Robert if you are listening hello to you – and Robert recently went on one and just was blown away.  And I am a shameless fan; I want every man listening this to really get behind Darren’s vision and make time for this.  But tell us a little bit about what you do in the evenings.  I don’t know too much, but I know that it’s a really important time, the de-brief and that experience.  So what happens?

DL:           Yeah.  Look the first…so I’m going to speak about the five-night adventures here Jonathan is that…right?

JD:            Yeah go for it, yeah yeah.

DL:           Okay, so let’s just look at our five-night father/son adventures for example.  You know we have people come from all over Australia, all over the world; you know USA, Europe, you know Perth, Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, and so on, and they’ll arrive in to YANSEL, we’ll drive up…drive up to Tully where we are for our five-night adventures in tropical North Queensland, and then when we get there we kind of once again relax them into it, we show you know that video clip and we’ll begin to speak about where we’re headed for the week, we’ll keep it reasonably light, they’ll get to go and have a good night’s sleep, a good rest, you know have a nice feed and the next day we’ll go out for an all-day adventure.  That evening what we’ll do is we’ll…I’ll actually separate the fathers and the sons and I’ll take the sons down and I’ll present to the sons from a son’s perspective and share my relationship with my father as a son and I’ll get them to do a few things.  You know I’ll get them to…write their dads a letter.  I’ll give them some questions to discuss in small groups after my presentation to them and whilst I am now headed up to speak to the fathers about what it means to be an intentional father, what’s really required from him in that as well as a bit of a briefing of some of the things that he’s gonna do throughout the week. And there’s three main things that we do throughout the week, aside from these presentations each evening – as you pointed out every evening, after having a full day outdoors, you know in the wild sort of doing incredibly fun things and exciting things – we’ll have presentations like you know ‘authentic manhood versus conventional manhood’.  You know we’ll look at the contrast between those things and then we’ll look at the four marks of a real man and then on the final evening is one of the things that I brief the dads earlier in the week for, and so there’s three things.  First of all I tell them, you know what I mentioned before about the idea of a father affirming his son and doing that publically.  And so what we do is, over each mealtime after that, so the very next morning and then that evening and then the very next morning again, we’ll have one, two, three fathers – I’ll invite them to get up and to…and they’ll  grab their son and then they’ll look into their son’s eyes with their hands on their shoulders and they’ll just basically pour that into them; just tell them that they love them and what it is that they love about them, that they are proud of them and what it is that they are proud of them for, and that they do have what it takes to be an incredible man – that dad sees that in them.  And then they’ll kind of sit down and the next person’ll have their go and it all sort of happens over the course of the week that unfolds.  Another thing we do is on the final full day of adventures we do the hike to the summit of a mountain and it’s really a symbolic thing; you know kind of reaching the summit, reaching the pinnacle and it’s the summit of their relationship and the summit of manhood, and once again, during my presentation to the sons right at the beginning I say guys there’s going to be this moment, on the mountainside, before you reach the summit, you are going to branch out, you’re going to have lunch with your dad, I really want to encourage you to ask the question, ask any question of your dad that you have always wanted to know. [JD: Wow]  You know there are some things that we don’t know about our dads and if there’s anything, any question you have, whatever it is, ask your dad right there on the mountainside.  And then I brief the dads, I sort of say guys when we are on the mountainside I have given your permission and I have told your sons to ask you anything that they have always wondered about you; it might be something that happened in your past, how you met mum, you know why did you break up with mum? – whatever it may have been and I said answer them honestly.  You know and just share your heart and share your life with them. 

JD:            Oh yeah.

DL:           And so that’s become an incredible time.   You know that…it’s as…I mean I am always humbled by that because for a lot of fathers and sons, you know they’ll say that was, that moment right there was the most powerful moment on the mountainside…of the whole week, and I’m just, I’m humbled by that because I never sort of dreamt that that would be so incredibly weighty, but there’s always stories of sons saying you know, ‘My father told me something up there on the mountain that he’s never told anybody before, and I told my father something that I have never told anyone before’ [JD: ah yeah] and it’s just this real, you know, deep relationship that’s forged in that moment.  And then of course in the absence of the son asking the question I get dad to share his story; it’s so important – you know cultures right the way down through the ages, right the way round the world have always shared their stories, the fathers, the men of the community have always shared their stories to the sons.  So in the absence of the son asking the question, and if there’s more time there then dad shares his story, something perhaps that he knows that his son doesn’t know and perhaps should know about who he is and his journey into manhood.

JD:            Ah yeah.  And it’s just…keep going yeah.

DL:           And then if the son – sorry Jonathan – then of course the very last thing we do on the very final evening after that, after the mountain hike that day is we have our initiation ceremony.  You know something that’s really critical to boys becoming men is there actually being a ceremony, a date that we can mark on our calendars in the same way that we have been able to say you know I was married on this date; you know there was a ceremony, there was a celebration and so once again, it’s this ceremony that takes place within this community of men that’s been brought together and dad really leads his son on a charge.  You know instead of now affirming him that he’s done earlier in the week it’s now a case of ‘son, you know now this is what’s coming in your life and this is now what I am charging you with’.  And that’s really unique to every father/son combination.

JD:            I was just listening to you, it’s just really moving thinking about my own father who has been dead for a while now and er, just the impact of um, you know of this stuff not happening and you used the word before where you talked about intentional fathering and your whole process is intentional and I think that’s a really crucial word.  Talk to me about intentional fathering; it’s not happening – what is it?

DL:           Well yeah look there’s you know we always say that there’s really three types of fathers.  There’s the absent father and I guess that requires no further explanation, and that can be a man who is actually physically present in the home but is absent.  I mean that was my story with my dad. Then you get, the next rung up so to speak is the involved father, you know he’s the guy who’s on the sidelines at the footie matches or the cricket matches and so on, it’s you know cheering for his son and he’s involved but he’s not necessarily intentional and that’s really the pinnacle of fathering I think; it’s just having this understanding that my boy, my little boy, or my teenage son is going to become a man – what kind of man will he be?  What does he need?  What do I need to do in order to be able to make that happen for him?  Robert Lewis in his book Raising a Modern Day Knight you know, he gives the analogy of the volleyball game, you know the three key, the three strategic moves in volley-ball being the dig, the set and the spike and so he’s sort of…he says it this way.  He says with the dig it’s about us digging into our own character and looking in the mirror, because you know who we see in the mirror is who our son is going to reflect, and so if we need to change something about ourselves now then now is the time to do it.  You know?  Not down the track but right now.  Let’s dig deep in our own characters and make those changes necessary and then there’s the set and it’s really setting our sons up with once again a definition, a vision for what it means to be a real man.  What is a real man?  What does a real man do?  Where does he invest his time and finances?  You know what’s…you know how does a real man treat his wife?  How does he treat others?  You know we need to be intentional about passing that on and teaching and training and instructing and coaching and modeling and all of that.  And that’s intentionality.  And then of course the third key move being a spike is really just once again sealing the deal; it’s finishing strong and that’s really where your idea of ceremony comes in.  And you know when a father has raised his son, has moved his son through that sort of passage, that process, you know he’s proving himself to be an intentional father.  And I believe that every father who comes along to our adventures, I believe that he’s intentional anyway because he just, at some point whether he has just Google-searched us on the internet or whatever, at some point he’s gone, you know what, my son and I could really use this, I’ve really realised that I haven’t offered this in the way that perhaps I should and I’m behind the 8-ball so what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna register for something like this now.  I’m going to invest in this, in my time, my finances, you know we’re going to jump on a plane or jump in the car and you know we’re going to make that happen.  So they are intentional before they get there anyway.  It’s really just a matter of expanding upon that intentionality.  And as I said men get enthused about this; they’re like well I never had that growing up.  You know my dad wasn’t there and I just kind of had to fumble my way through on my own you know during those adolescent years, you know with my hormones racing and my emotions you know responding and…and you know wow…I can be there, I can show him, I’ve got a place that’s more weighty, more grand, more glorious than simply you know financial provision and discipline.  And though those things are important, it just gives him once again a vision for something much more grand and they can own that together too which is what I love.  They learn these things together.  Because to be honest with you Jonathan, most men don’t know you know the answers to these things.  And it’s that old saying you know that says ‘How do we take someone where we haven’t been ourselves?’  Well hopefully through what you do, through what I do, through what others are doing we are able to help men, help take them to those places so that they can in turn take their sons.  And I’m quite, I’m always humbled too by the…what happens is is at the end of the weeks – those weeks in particular – we quite often have fathers who will sit there, we’ll be sitting around the campfire or something and they’ll kind of say you know Darren I came here for my son, I brought my son to this because he needed to know these things, but I am telling you that I think I got more than my son out of this.  You know I have recognised things about myself that I, that I can do that I didn’t think I could do, and there’s some things that I can do better.  You know so they themselves whilst we, whilst we’re not out there providing rights of passage for men so to speak, what ends up happening is that men are sort of also transported through a process themselves and they leave much stronger than which they came so… no matter where they have been.

JD:            And it’s amazing the social cost of that lack of intentionality.  Like one of the points we make in our online programme for schools is sort of, you know in the absence of men answering these core questions around sexuality, relationships, intimacy, how to be a fine man, it’s not as if these days boys just drift through with no inputs; they get huge inputs now from internet pornography, often some pretty dodgy stuff from peer groups.  So you know I think what you are doing…and I remember once speaking at – in terms of the social costs – speaking at a very, very elite school overseas, it wasn’t in Australia and at the end of it a woman came to see me and she was…I’m sure, I remember thinking she must have had a modeling career ‘cos she was one of the most stunning women I have ever seen, she was still quite young, came to see me and she said at the end of this presentation on manhood and raising boys and everything she said, you know she had four boys, under the age of 12 and you know she was…her husband was involved in you know, in business internationally and they were lucky to see him six months of the year.  And I just, what struck me was this concept of scoreboards, that in the absence of this deep, abiding sense of affirmation and knowing that interior gaze of the father, that men run scoreboards and scoreboards will be positions, finance, promotion and I’m thinking about – I never met the man – but I’m thinking about you know what is going on in you that you have this wife, you have these four precious little boys and something is driving you so hard.  I mean wouldn’t it be better to live in a mud hut and you know live on food stamps, I mean just to be with them you know like?  So…look something I wanted to ask you was…/

DL:           Just, Jonathan just one second, on that…I mean for most men’s stories I think what they are doing there is they are searching for validation themselves.

JD:            Yeah.

DL:           You know if, as you say, if I can sort of up that score in those particular areas then I am a man.  You know it’s this driven, it’s this wanting to prove, once again most times unknowingly, subconsciously, but yeah, this search for validation you know so that others can see me as a success.

JD:            Yeah look I was, I was 37 before I stopped [h].  I had to have it prized from my hands.  It’s funny[h], it’s like you know I was 37 years of age before I finally you know had enough good people around me to go you know what, it ain’t all about the external performance my friend.  And you know I’ve got this absolutely beautiful four year-old son who is just [h] in many ways the opposite of me[h]; he’s the most gentle, just beautiful little boy and you know listening to you before talk about you know who you see in the mirror is what he’s learning, and I’ve, you know just such a challenge to, to constantly be evaluating myself and where I’m at, because you know I don’t want to channel the worst of previous generations.  And so listen the question I had for you, I’ve got a couple to go, but in all this work you have done and everything you have seen, read, experienced what breaks your heart?

DL:           I think what breaks my heart most is the ignorance.  I think that we as a society as a whole don’t value fatherhood in the way that we should.  We don’t value manhood.  And so you know you have dads who, they…because we don’t talk about these things, because you know the TV Advertisements that show men on TV, or the TV programmes and so on; you know all the stuff that we get usually show men as buffoons, you know instead of good, noble, honourable, and you know men of integrity.  You know men have got I think, I believe, settle for less.  I think that there’s just a not knowing just how important their roles are; as men, as husbands, as fathers.  And so, I mean I fortunately, or unfortunately depending on which way you want to look at it, I get to see a lot of…just a lot of the rubble that’s left from a dad who’s out there, once again seeking and searching for that validation himself, when all the time, you know if I just had some time with him and helped to point him in the right direction – not that I have all the answers – but just to say listen you know, the search for validation, the hunger that you have to be significant, you know will actually come through this, for what you do in the home, for what you do with your wife and for what you do with your kids and so I think when I see…/

JD:            And that’s a complete paradigm shift isn’t it?  For most men.

DL:           Yep – absolutely.

JD:            You know that whole thing you talked about before, the Homer Simpson sort of thing where culturally we just do not put any emphasis on… and you started this podcast talking about you know dads feeling like they have some wins so they go out to the pub, they go out to the office – and we’re not critiquing that, we’re not saying it’s terrible – but we’re just going…you know they don’t realise that the most important goals they kick are going to be once they walk through the front door.

DL:           Yeah, absolutely.  You know there’s a guy by the name of Stephen Clark I think his name is, and he was… he did this, he’s a sociologist from Yale and did this study and I think he studied men for like 15 years or 18 years or something.  And he concluded his study with this sort of sentence.  He said for whatever reason men have this natural tendency to avoid social, you know social involvement.  And you know what he’s saying is there’s this passivity that we as men have inherited that really is in the way, it kind of almost prevents us from interacting with our wives and interacting with our children in a very intentional way.  And so we have to see that come down, you know for us to get a clue.  Men need to be connected with other men…[JD: Yeah, huge] and that’s just not happening enough.

JD:            Yep.  And I said that at the Congress.  And I’ve got a group – know there’s four of us, myself and three other guys.  Three of us have been friends for 15/20 years and a new guy just joined us, but I’m just like…and you know two of these guys are pretty senior people and you know they’ve got very demanding busy lives, and we just make that a priority and we are really, all four of us just… you know telling the truth.  You know Brian McClain, sorry Craig McClain who runs Boys To Men in San Diego talks about community and truth.  He said…that his programme is so simple[h], they just build a community where boys and men tell the truth and I find in my own group of men having that place where you can just be real about what’s actually happening is so powerful.  So my other question for you – I have two to go.  One was we’ve talked about what breaks your heart, what’s your best memory?  What is the most awesome thing that you came home and you lay awake at 2 am thinking that was awesome?

DL:           In what context?  Either myself or as running Fathering Adventures?

JD:            Running Fathering Adventures.  What’s one of the best memories you have had?

DL:           Yeah look um one of my best memories, you know and it’s just there’s so many, but one that sort of stands out to me was a…was a potentially tragic – and it was a tragic situation.  And you know we get all types and you know some incredibly good fathers, better fathers than me I believe, but then we get some dads who we have discussed who just don’t really know any better because they didn’t have that, they’d never received it themselves.  And so there was this one, this one…something that happened last September and we had filled our five-night father/son adventure and what had happened was this, I got this phonecall from this mother and she was distressed and she just basically said, ‘Darren, she said is there any more places left for the September five-night father/son adventure?’  And I said I’m so sorry there’s not, you know we’re already at capacity.  And she said ‘Darren let me tell you why, here’s the story: my son has just failed a second suicide attempt, he’s currently in a hospital and the town in which we live in doesn’t have a hospital for children, or doesn’t have, you know a psychological ward for teenagers or kids or whatever, he’s in an adult institution and he’s sort of really locked up there and you know we are just at the end of ourselves.’  And you know this is something that his father never knew but his mother actually said this to me, she said, ‘When I was speaking to him one of the things that he said was he said, um, you know “dad’s just never there.  You know dad doesn’t know me and I don’t know dad”.’  And I’m not saying that that was the reason why he’s tried to you know commit suicide twice, obviously he was suffering you know depression and I don’t know where his medication status was at, and, you know, who had actually been trying to work through his issues with him – I’m not sure about all of that.  But um, we thankfully, our outdoor adventure guides were able to move heaven and earth and we were able to get him there and with his father and his father was so incredibly willing and his father was just a wonderful man.  And they came along and they just had a ball.  And they went home and the mum phoned me and she just said you know, look what you have done.  ‘We will be eternally grateful for’, like ‘what you have done’, and said ‘You know, my son just had an incredible time and has just come back changed’. But then she sort of said, ‘But my husband, like he’s come back a different man and he’s completely changed and you know he’s already planning taking our next couple of…’ ’cos they’ve got three boys…so already planning on taking the next two boys and making plans for that, and just told me about how…  You know at the time this young man had left high school, he was in year 12 and he had left high school prematurely and at the time he’d actually had to take a phonecall for a potential job application whilst he was with us and we kind of walked him through that a bit and encouraged him and just, you know, told him that we believed in him, and he actually missed out on that job – the mother was… ‘Cos I followed him up, you know I like to, I don’t sort of see these people come and then just, you know, say okay thanks for coming and goodbye.  I maintain a relationship with these people for as long as they want to maintain it for.  And so I remember you know asking her well how did he go with the job?  And she said, ‘Look he didn’t get it – but he did get another job and he’s loving it’. 

JD:            Wow.

DL:           You know there’s just things that, things like the idea of accepting responsibility, that they learnt there.  And one of the things was just simply, you know dad sort of said you know we always have to be on your back to take out the rubbish each week.  You know would you do that, and take responsibility for doing that and really helping us out in that way?  And once again the mother sort of said you know what, we don’t have to ask him to take out the bin anymore, he just does it because he’s accepting responsibility, one of those four marks of a real man so…

JD:            [h] Small victories.  So I’m gonna wrap this up.  I want to ask, not so much in the context of Fathering Adventures, I’m going to give a massive plug to that in just a second, but I want you to imagine that you walk into a room and sitting in front of you you have 1,000 fathers of adolescents, and you are given the chance – you can only give them two pieces of advice – and the absolute two go-to pieces of advice about how to be an intentional father, what’s important.  What two things would you tell them?

DL:           To be involved, get involved, be there.  You know don’t be absent.  You know just once again the power of a father’s presence can just never be overstated.  So just, you know to be honest with you I don’t need two.  That for me is the fist one: dad plug in, dad whatever you…whatever it is that you feel that you can’t offer, don’t have, then do whatever it takes to get that.  Go and read a book, go and get alongside a mentor, some father that you look at and sort of see okay, he’s done well with his son and I really respect him as a father, I’m going to connect with him.  And so I guess those would be the two pieces of advice: be there and if you feel inadequate as most men do you are not alone, but get help, you know find somebody who can help you, take you to that place.  And do that unashamedly because you know you will grow so much through that and then ultimately you’ll be prepared to be there for somebody else.  I mean we need to pass this on to others. 

JD:            Yeah.  Mate thank you so much.  I just want to give a huge plug now for everyone listening, you have to go to fatheringadventures.com.au.  I’m going to put a link to it underneath the podcast but make a decision that today you are going to visit fathering adventures, one word, .com.au and check out Darren’s site.  I have just felt such a heart for this from when I first encountered Darren’s work; I have no [h] commercial involvement with it so I’m not benefiting here, I just think there is gold here and this one strategy of going on these adventures can just have such a massive impact.  So if you are a mother listening to this, you know handcuff your husband to a chair and make him listen to this podcast.  I want you to, you know whoever is listening to this, get it in front of principals, teachers, it’s just such an important and wonderful ministry and I think the more that we can get people along to Fathering Adventures the better.  I’ve just such a heart for what this can do; for individuals, for schools, for communities… So mate, Darren to you a huge thanks mate.  I know there’s days when you are probably you know thinking how’s it all going to come together and everything but I just… mate, you started by that proverb where you talked about you know if you wanted to be happy for a lifetime and um, I think when we get to heaven and you see that big HD movie of your life you know there’ll be so many people who have been touched so a huge thank you for what you do.

DL:           Yeah, thank you and thank you for what you do Jonathan, we really appreciate you and yeah, there’s so many men out there who are doing so many great things – and you’re one of them mate so I respect you.  Bless you.

JD:            Thanks mate.  Godbless, thanks for your time.

DL:           And you.

You can click on the following link to go to Fathering Adventures website

Dads Online would like to acknowledge Jonathan Doyle and The Men We Need for this content.

Parenting on a Low Income: Money Doesn’t Equal Love

parenting on a low incomeEvery parent wants to do a good job raising their kids.  Many parents with low incomes sometimes worry about how they can provide certain financial based items and activities to their kids. This can cause stress.  Will their kids be as happy as the children of wealthier parents?  Will their kids have to miss out on expensive extracurricular activities?  After all, what parent doesn’t want the best things for their children? 

If you’ve found yourself thinking these thoughts lately, rest assured that parenting on a low income doesn’t ensure an unhappy childhood for your children.  There are a variety of ways to enrich your little one’s life without spending a fortune.  With a little extra effort, your child can have a wonderful and full childhood.

 

  • Your attention is the most valuable thing your can give your child.  More than they want the latest toy or gadget, your children desperately want your love and attention.  Listen to them as they tell you about their days.  Take the time to watch as they explain the features of their favorite toy. 
  • Arrange for play dates with other children.  Many kids’ favorite memories are of the times they spent with their friends.  Want to build those same memories in your child?  Make sure that they have ample opportunities to get together with their friends or family.  Host two or three of your children’s friends for an afternoon.  If possible, let the friends’ parents reciprocate.  The kids will have fun and each parent will get an afternoon to themselves. 
  • Take advantage of all the things your local library has to offer.  Your local library can be a treasure trove of free or inexpensive activities for your children.  Most libraries have story hours for younger children.  In addition, many offer craft classes or other activities.  While you’re at the library, be sure to check out a travel guide or two about your own city; they are sure to highlight a variety of children’s activities in your area. 
  • Arrange a toy swap for your kids.  Ever notice how your kids love getting new toys?  As soon as the novelty wears off, though, many toys are left to collect dust.  Who wants to spend their hard-earned money on a toy that their little one plays with for a few days and then forgets?  A toy swap between friends or family members can be the perfect solution for this situation.  Invite a few friends over for the swap while requiring each child to bring a present that they no longer want.  (No broken toys please.)  Place each child’s contribution on a table, and let everyone select a new (to them) toy.  Everyone will leave with something new to enjoy without spending a dime. If you don’t have the family or friends, a great way to refresh your toys is to visit a Toy Library, there are over 160 libraries around Australia.
  • Consider secondhand options for necessary purchases.  Some expenses related to raising children can’t be avoided.  Clothing, for example, is a constant need for children as they continue to grow.  You can greatly reduce this cost, however, by turning to secondhand shopping options.  Shopping at Salvos store, resale shops, garage sales and even eBay can be a great way to keep your kids clothed in style for a bargain price.  As you shop, look for items that can fill other needs, too; toys, school supplies, and even electronics can often be found for less than half their original prices. 
  • Spend time on everyday activities: walking in and around parks playing ball games, take your basketball to the local court and shoot a few baskets, ride your bikes along the numerous bike paths, show your children a skill that you have learned like repairing a bicycle puncture, fixing a leaking tap, changing a light globe, brush and grooming the dog or cat, changing the cars window wiper blades.

 

Things you might forget when planning a road trip

Things You Might Forget When Planning a Road TripOnce you have decided on that once in a lifetime road trip across the country, there is little you can do other than dream about your perfect getaway. But before you get lost in the clouds, come back down to earth and plan your trip properly before you go. This is ensure fewer obstacles and more time spent enjoying your adventure. Follow this simple guide and make sure you don’t forget anything important when planning your next road trip.

Things change

You may plan your trip down to the last minute and have your entire route committed to memory but the first rule of a road trip is; things change. You should always allow for some leeway here and there so that if things so go slightly awry, it won’t mess up your whole schedule.

Make a list

Pretty much everyone who plans a trip will make at least one list at some point. The problem is, if you forget something from the list, chances are you will forget it for your trip too. The best advice is to carry your list and a pen wherever you go in the months before your trip so that if you suddenly remember something, you can write it down there and then.

Research, research, research!

Whether you are planning your trip based upon logical, rational reasoning or throwing darts at a map, you need to research where and when you are going in advance. Some places will only be accessible during certain times of the year and weather conditions can affect your journey as well. It is best to spend a few hours researching each place you intend to visit so that you can work out a route that suits your needs best.

Appropriate clothing

If you are planning a summer trip, you are probably packing your shorts, swimwear and sunglasses, but take a moment and think about this. Are you going to be doing any activities that require special clothing? Indoor or artificial skiing will require proper clothing to protect you, while a stop-off in a major city may mean you want to wear something fancy for a night out.

Insurance and breakdown

Picking the perfect vehicle for your adventure is simple really, but finding the right insurance, breakdown cover and recovery service can be a nightmare. As well as being expensive, you need to make sure your insurance covers everything and everyone who is on the trip.

Dance dads choose well

Momentum Dance StudioOk, so maybe you have a child that dances around the living room as soon as they hear music on the TV. Perhaps your little girl or boy always dances down the street instead of walks. Or your boy just can’t sit still and has discovered he can spin on his head on your floorboards. Sound familiar?

Well, it’s time to admit it – you have a dancer in the house!

Like it or not, you have two options. Ignore it or embrace it. If you have chosen to embrace it (lets be honest – it was never really a choice) this article will hopefully help you to embrace it in the most positive and enjoyable way for both you and your child. Dance can be an extremely positive influence on a child not only as physical exercise but also for self expression, confidence and personal discipline.

Momentum Dance StudioIt’s no wonder that dance tuition in Australia is on the rise for both boys and girls. Thanks to television programs like So You Think You Can Dance, Glee and a string of dance based films in the cinema, many parents are going online to find a local dance school for their child.

Dance schools can vary from one extreme to the other. When looking for the right school for your child you should be armed with some knowledge before you find yourself and your child in an awkward situation. Viewing your daughter on stage in less than appropriate costuming or your son grooving along to a song way beyond his years will make you cringe!

..”As a child psychologist, the sexualisation of children concerns me greatly. I was incredibly impressed and thankful that your production was so appropriate for children…”
Dr Sophie Reid, Child & Adolescent Psychologist, Kingsford
(Referring to Momentum Dance Studios UNSW)

Dance schools fall into two main categories, recreational or competitive. Depending on the level of interest your child has and what you want your child to achieve from this extra curricular activity will factor into your choice.

balcombe heights215A recreational school may be smaller in size and more personal for this exact reason. They are often owner operated and can cost a little less. Children can really be nurtured and made to feel special in this type of school. However, you should look for signs that it is run in a professional manner such as:

  • Accredited with a recognised dance institution such as Royal Academy of Dance or others
  • Operating on purpose built dance flooring to prevent injury and that they are insured.
  • All teachers should be Police Security Checked – it’s the law to work with children and many are not!

A competitive school is one that actively promotes and enters competitions or eisteddfods against other schools. They are often larger in size, can cost more (competition fees, costumes and pressure to do more classes) and a certain amount of student rivalry can develop. These schools are often a bit flashier. They will have a set uniform for class with their own logo that you will have to purchase from the school and be specific about the brand of dance shoes you just buy. A competitive school can still be a rewarding experience for your child particularly if the show great aptitude for dance, are naturally competitive or want to go down the path of professional performer.

A little knowledge can be dangerous right? No! You now know more then some of the parents sitting in that dance studio waiting room. Below are a few questions that are worthwhile asking and should be answered clearly by a good school and without hesitation.

  1. How much are classes? Believe it or not some school will not tell you this. Also avoid schools that want your account details or lock you into contracts.
  2. Can we do a trial class? This is a good option to see how your child goes however one class is not enough for your child to feel comfortable and confident in a new environment. Don’t be discouraged if it wasn’t a hit. You may wish to try for a term and give them a chance to make a friend and understand what is going on in the class.
  3. What performances are students expected to be involved in? Avoid schools that perform in a lot of shopping centres or festivals as this is purely to promote their own business and of little value to your child. Generally schools will perform once or twice a year.
  4. Are your teachers Police Security Checked? All adults working with children must hold a valid Working With Children Permit.
  5. Do students have to do exams? Many schools are accredited or affiliated with a large dance organisation such as BBO, EDTA, CSTD, RAD, Cecchetti. This isn’t a bad thing. It means that the school has a certain standard they aim for and students can work through the grades. However these qualifications are not valued outside of this organisation and are not really necessary. The exception we believe is RAD (Royal Academy of Dance) from the UK as this is the most recognised stream of classical ballet and students can work towards a teacher qualification and work internationally. RAD teachers are in high demand and paid accordingly. Exams in all other styles of dance such as Tap, Jazz, Contemporary or Hip Hop are not essential and just end up costing you more money.
  6. Do you have any scholarships or discounts? Most school will offer discounted classes if you do more then one or have siblings enrolled. Schools that offer scholarship demonstrate a genuine commitment to their local communities and are not just profiteers!

So there you have it! You are now officially a well informed Dance Dad.

Momentum Dance StudioDon’t be hesitant to question the intimidating dance school principal before you sign up. It’s much harder to move your child once they have settled into a class, made friends and adore their teacher. However, if you do observe that your child isn’t being exposed to the best practice in dance education make that move and it will pay off in the end and certainly avoid the cringe factor.

Happy Dancing!

Written by Natasha Swan, Momentum Dance Studios

Momentum Dance Studios was founded by Belinda Fenech and Natasha Swan, graduates from the University of NSW. Their studios in Kensington, Rozelle and Baulkham Hills offer recreational dance classes for children aged 3 years and up on Saturdays. For more information please visit www.momentumdancestudios.com.au

Momentum Dance Sudio

Top family road trips in Australia

Twelve_Apostles_Victoria_AustraliaRalph Waldo Emerson’s famous words, “Life is a journey, not a destination,” still inspire today. The journey is the destination, or rather, it’s not the destination but the journey that matters most… For road trippers, the journey is just as remarkable as the destination, especially if you and your family are embarking on a summertime road trip in Australia.

Australia is a beautiful destination that offers pristine beaches, exotic wild animals and captivating scenery for road-tripping families. From beautiful rain forests and natural wonders to the thriving cities of Sydney and Melbourne, the diverse landscape of Australia provides ideal sites to travel and explore. Don’t forget to take a few steps to prepare. For example, check your engine at your local auto shop, get a car insurance comparison to ensure you have the best coverage, and create your own interactive and customized maps using ZeeMaps.com.

Take on any of the following road trips to amazing destinations for unforgettable experiences and discoveries that kids of all ages will enjoy:

Thredbo Resort

Planning a summer trip to the Australian Thredbo Resort is both scenic and adventurous from the moment your car hits the road to cruising downhill on your bike. Thredbo Alpine Village is outdoorsy family’s dream getaway, and the drive to the destination is just as much of an adventure as the resort’s thrilling activities. Leisurely scenic chair rides, fly fishing and mountain biking are among the many day adventures that families can partake in. Check out the spectacular views of Kosciuszko while abseiling, or take a Mt. Kosciuszko helicopter tour and experience the beauty of the wilderness from an incredible vantage point. From day trips and tranquil natural swimming holes to a scenic Kosciuszko Alpine Lakes Guided Walk, the Thredbo Resort is where to travel next.

Kosciuszko National Park

The alpine and stunning landscape of Kosciuszko National park is the perfect outdoor destination for hiking and biking families. The national park is home to Australia’s highest peak, Mount Kosciuszko, in the Australian Alps’ Snow Mountains Range. Adventurous climbers can ascend the summit while taking in breathtaking views along the way. Bushwalkers can also take the glacial Lakes Walk from Charlotte Pass to reach the mountain’s summit. For outdoor enthusiasts who love to feel the fast-paced thrills of mountain biking, and the popular trails Mosquito Creek, Blue Waterholes and Wallace Creek Trails provide unforgettable outdoor experiences and beautiful natural landscapes.

The Great Ocean Road, Victoria

Show your children the beauty of the Great Ocean Road in Victoria while driving past unimaginable views, including peaceful secluded bays, breathtaking cliffs and distinct rock formations. The Great Ocean Road, an Australian National Heritage, extends between the cities of Torquay and Warrnambool along the south-eastern coast. Kids will love to explore landmarks such as The Grotto, London Arch and Twelve Apostles as they continue along the world’s largest war memorial. Erskine Falls in the Great Otway National Park is also an excellent stop for everyone to experience the beauty of nature and gorgeous cascading falls.

The Great Green Way

Between Townsville and Cairns, Far North Queensland, the Great Green Way is exactly what its name implies. The gorgeous green way extends over 12 National Parks and 25 tropical islands. The relaxed way of life is defined by local pubs, farming and fishing. Travel to the various towns of Ingham, Mission Beach, Cardwell and Tully to meet with locals, nosh on tropical fruits and traverse the untamed wilderness. Take your family on an exploration to immaculate beaches on deserted islands and stunning coral reefs. While visiting the towns of the Great Green Way, experience Hinchinbrook Island aboard a ferry cruise, swim at Ramsay Bay, go snorkelling in the Great Barrier Reef or dive at the SS Yongala, a national historical wreck full of marine life and artefacts.

Sydney to Melbourne

Driving the Hume Highway from Sydney to Melbourne is a favourite and frequent road trip for Australian travel blogger Lee Atikinson. Tourists who are travelling to Sydney and Melbourne can turn the commute into an exciting road trip by stopping to watch the sunset over Lake Hume or exploring the small towns of Walwa and Tintaldra along the Victoria bank. The Snowy Mountains are picturesque scenery as the Alpine Way drive continues. Go horseback riding in Jindabyne, kayak in Tuross Lake and visit the shops of Tilba Tilba. As you and your children travel from the exciting city of Sydney to the cultural city centre of Melbourne, there’s always something new to discover.

Guest writer:  Ken Watkins, JournoMedia

3 Places in Sydney Your Kids are Sure to Love

I have to tell you I am biting my fingernails down to the quick trying to narrow this list down to three. There are just so many super fun things for kids to do in Sydney. There are animals galore and so many beautiful parks and playgrounds. Some of which adjoin the amazing beaches.  I want to give a little shout out to the museums as they didn’t make the list this time but it was a hard choice not to include them. Many of them have some truly fabulous interactive exhibits that kids really enjoy. I’d highly recommend giving them some consideration when you are tossing up what you would like to do.

Taronga Zoo

What can I say…it’s a damn fine zoo. It has lions and tigers and giraffes and you can get right up close to some of those gorgeous creatures (closer to the giraffes than the lions and tigers for some reason). The zoo is nothing short of splendid and the kids love it.  There are a few elephant calves rockin’ around the place at the moment too so go check them out for some uber cuteness.

Are You As Bored As Me?

The animal encounters are really cool. My favourite is feeding the giraffe and tell me what kid wouldn’t like doing that! They give you a photo as part of the cost. It’s a bit of a favourite so book it first thing when you arrive at the zoo.

Hot tip: You can get to the zoo by ferry direct from Circular Key. There are some discounted ferry + zoo passes that are worth checking out. Or if it is a Sunday you can get the Family Funday transport ticket for $2.50 per person (kids under 5 travel free). This allows you transport on all public buses, trains and ferries all day. What a bargain!

Sydney Aquarium

There are big sharks floating about above you and you can see them up close. What’s not to like? Basically the main exhibit here is a big clear tunnel that you wander through where everywhere around you is ocean.  You can stand and watch all the lovely sea creatures, like sharks and sting rays, going about their business all day if you want to. Just make sure you let people past as some of them may want to see other things.

It is incredible and kids love love love it.

The other exhibits are very good too. Kids love the tropical fish one and can spend ages hanging around trying to find Nemo.

Hot tip: don’t wander up and pay full price at the door! You will save save save if you book online. There are also some great options like family afternoon passes offering a significant discount. Check their website for details.

Clovelly Beach

Clovelly pool - view from the beach

In truth you could go to any beach and that would be fun but Clovelly Beach is perfect for families with young kids. It is a small waveless beach that is much more like an ocean pool.  The snorkelling is fabulous so don’t forget to pack one!  There’s always a tonne of other kids down there so plenty of new friends for your little ones to play with.   You can take your own snacks but if you can’t be bothered with packing a heap of stuff then the grub at the cafe is pretty good.

Hot tip:  If you go during the week this beach will be much quieter.  Buses run from the city to Clovelly, in Sydney’s east, quite regularly. If you travel on a Sunday then you can get the super cheap Family Funday ticket for $2.50 per person (kids under 5 travel free).

 

Kristy Alexander is a freelance travel writer for HotelClub and busy mum of three with a passion for the outdoors. She recommends the Mercure Sydney if you are looking for a conveniently located hotel close to the hub of Sydney’s public transport.