One of the down sides of separation is that children often think their real home is at there mothers and the dads home is a place they just visit. This does not have to be reality, in fact it is not hard to make your home a “home sweet home”. I didn’t want my child to feel that so I made sure they had their own bedroom and personal items and attempted to make there life as normal as it possibly could be.
Even if the bedroom is vacant 80% of the time, it is still important to set up a home that they feel is theirs when they are with you.
It is critical that they feel they have another home they can relate to and it’s equally comfortable, homely and catered for as their mothers.
Ways this can be done…
Making a project of decorating the bedroom together can be fun and will create a sense of ownership. When setting up your home, have pictures of them, school certificates and proud drawings on the fridge or around the house. My daughter keeps a photo of her mum in a frame on her chest of drawers. She often sleeps with it under her pillow. If that makes her feel more comfortable, then I am all for it.
The pantry should be stocked with their favourite foods for snacks, breakfast, lunch and dinner. The bathroom should have their favourite shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, body wash, brushes and combs. The bedroom should have items that are important to them like sporting equipment i.e. basketball.
A dream-board is also a good idea to hang on the bedroom wall and pin photos, posters and memories to it. I made one from material I purchased from Bunnings, I used a chipboard backing and cork floor tiles. It was approx 1m x 1m and the cost was about $50 all up.
I have also found that buying books and games they like and keeping them on the shelf in their bedroom also gives a sense of belonging.
Creating that special space sends a good message to them such as:
- This is their home too
- They are top of mind
- Life is still normal-ish
- It is a comfortable space
- They have their “things” not just a toothbrush
- Reduces the amount of items they need to bring with them
- You can have a fun time at dads too
- No one can say you don’t try
Good luck with creating the special space for your children. Remember a Dads home is a great home… let us know how you go?
This is an excellent post! Your kid is so lucky to have such a thoughtful dad!